


Who we were & Who we are now.

by boogiewrites



Category: Lawless (2012)
Genre: Action & Romance, F/M, Happy Ending, Sexual Content, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-06-19 23:15:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 81,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15520860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boogiewrites/pseuds/boogiewrites
Summary: Lawless (2012) fic. Tonya Barrett, or Miss Tawny as Forrest likes to call her moves back home at the news of her stepfather becoming ill. She left Franklin County almost a decade ago, it feels like everything within her has changed and nothing has changed back home. Will the actions following her stepfathers passing lead the Bondurants to once again take her in? And this time, no longer being on the verge of adulthood but fully grown...what will she and Forrest decide to do about the lethal combination of history and chemistry they have together?





	1. Chapter 1

 

You sit in your tiny shabby apartment in the city, that you share with another girl. It's far away from your birthplace of Franklin Country, Virginia. It'd been another warm day and despite the windows being open the heat is still causing sweat to form on your brow. At this point in the evening, you'd thought your small space would be more bearable, but you're wiping the droplets off the poorly written letter in your hands. The letter was from your half-brother.

You sit and stare out your 4th story window, past the rusted metal of the fire escape and out down the loud, crowded dirty street. You take a deep breath to help you think, but end up coughing from the smoke and fumes. You never coughed after taking a deep breath back home. Not unless it was after a swig of moonshine, anyway. You feel your heart flutter, letting you know you were tired of the city. You missed the trees, the quiet and the slow pace. Everything here was fast and impersonal and just plain old harder. Sure livin' was rough back home, but it was an entirely different kind of hard and you were accustomed to it, feeling natural and normal in comparison to the exhaustion you always felt within the metal and noise of the city.

You did miss it. You missed it shortly after arriving in the big city years and years ago. You'd hope a fresh start would clear you of the demons that haunted you in that shabby little house your father built for your mother. God rest her soul. All's that was left for you in that house now was little Junior, well, not so little now you reckon, bad memories and a stepfather that you had just been informed was dying. This news stirred nothing inside your heart. You don't care about your stepfather but your brother has nothing to do with his daddy's evil and you won't hold that against him. You're a grown woman now, you don't do such things.

You leave that next day. You pack your suitcases with what little you owned and left a note and your months half of the rent for your friend. You call the bar you worked at, telling them there's a family emergency and you're leaving town for the foreseeable future. And that's all it took to uproot your disappointing adventure in the big city. You don't write back, knowing it wouldn't get there 'till after you did anyway.

You're surprised your truck makes the drive, even if you did have it spruced up by a mechanic friend before leaving. The air starts to smell familiar. Then it starts to feel familiar the farther down you drive on those country roads that were taking you home. How is it the same? Everything changed so fast in the city. You think back to the slow summer nights of your youth as you feel the wind and smell the honeysuckle with your windows down. It all reminds you of the Bondurants. A family that had been much kinder in their simple respect of you than your stepfather ever had been.

You half expect a baby jack, a teenage Forrest, a gangly limbed Howard upon your arrival. You realize how much you've changed in the almost decade you've been gone. Just on the verge of being a woman when you left and now in full bloom. You wonder how the others have fared. Lord you hoped they weren't all dead. That'd break your heart. You say a prayer to yourself, hoping time had, in fact, moved slower here and the awfulness of the world hadn't found out how to navigate dirt so it stuck it pavement and left your quaint home alone.

So the road becomes lighter, it's late morning when you begin to notice it. The roads showing more signs of use and wear, tracks in the road from a recent summer storm, the smell of it ripe in the air. You find yourself pulling into the station.

You shut the door of the truck behind you, giving yourself a bit of a stretch before yawning and composing yourself. A charming and enthusiastic young man in a white shirt and suspenders bounds out of the squeaking screen door towards the pump.

"Well howdy, there ma'am. How may I help you?" he grins, the smile looks familiar to you.

"I just needed another stop, a fill up before I made my way on home." you inform him.

"Home? I ain't never seen you 'round here before and I know everyone. Where's about you live honey?" the young man's mouth makes you crack a smile. That certainty in himself that only comes from youth and inexperience.

He's around the corner of the porch in his usual chair, watching the road. An unfamiliar truck makes it way down it, peaking his interest. Once he sees a woman driving, and alone, his eyes narrow slightly to get a better look. As you open the door and stand, so does he. Seems you'd changed as much as he had. At least in appearance. Both grown up and out, now well into your 20's, not being the same underdeveloped kids you had been. He can see the curls in your hair and the nice dress you wear that you at least in part, where not the same girl that left Franklin. He doesn't like it but it doesn't go unnoticed by him as you smile at Jack, your hair, still the same brown-auburn shines in the sun, same green eyes as he'd thought he'd forgotten.

"You have seen her before, I reckon you just don't remember it." you hear a familiar pace to the words as you head snaps the sound.

A man, and he was to be called as such in his size and demeanor is making his way down the stairs. Broad shoulders lead down strong arms that rested with elbows out and hands in the pockets of his cardigan. He wore a vest and you smile as you recognize his daddy's watch hanging from it. He stops a few feet shy of you, the younger man looking at him slightly confused.

"Get the lady what she needs, Jack," he says, the wave of realization makes your heart skip and you take a shaky inhale. "Miss Tawny?" he doesn't smile, but his eyes in their hooded seriousness read only kind to you, despite the beast of a man that surrounded them.

"Forrest." you say in almost a whisper, a smile spreading across your face. Your painted lips hold eyes captive for a moment before he looks down at the ground, the furrow in his brow hardening. You take a few steps towards him to close the feet between you.

He gives you a grunt and a nod in response.

"Still here at the station where I left ya, I see." you admit as he moves his eyes back to your sparkling ones. You could swear his lips almost flinched in a display of amusement at you.

"MmmPh." he says with another small nod. Few words as ever, you saw. The nostalgia hits you hard.

"I'd like to grab a bite before I head out, ya'll still cookin' in there?" you inquire, your hands coming together in front of you.

He nods, accompanyed by a more enthusiastic purse of his lips as he ducks back, bowing his head slightly to show you into the station.

"Tonya Barrett?" you hear in the mostly unchanged voice of Howard as you slide by Forrest to walk into the door of the creaking wood floor, dusty room.

"Howard Bondurant?" you say with the same inflection, your face politely enthusiastic at his animated response.

"Lord mercy, never thought I'd see this scrappy lil thing again!" he raises from the stool he was sat at, hunched over the bar before he noticed you. "C'mere! Lil Tawny, I swear" he shakes his head in disbelief. "Ain't so little no more are ya?" he says in wink that doesn't come off as predatory, just teasing.

"Howard." you hears Forrest deep voice give a polite warning for his crudeness.

"Oh I reckon she knows I never did and still don't mean no real harm to her with my words." he grin before wrapping you in a tight hug, heels leaving the floor with it. "You shined right up like a new penny, didn't ya?" he gives you a smirk that isn't threatening to you. "God it's good to see a familiar face." he sighs. "What's brought you back home to Franklin, girl?" he asks, taking a seat next to you at the counter.

"Got a letter from Junior 'bout his daddy." you say, your face less somber than it should be for the subject. You focus on the window across the room to avoid eye contact.

His expression tells you he didn't know.

"Apparently he's gotten real bad sick. Junior asked for my help situating things out for when he passes." you say quietly, eyes taking in the station, all wood and handmade. You'd like to know how much blood sweat and tears these walls and floors have accumulated over the years, your guess was too much from the worn appearance of it. But then again, the Bondurants never was a fancy bunch.

"I'm real sorry to hear that, Miss Tawny." he ducks his head down.

You give a forced half smile and an accepting nod. "Thanks." you almost mumble your face flat.

Forrest sees your lack of fondness for your stepfather in your eyes. Interesting to know you'd still be holding on to that all these years.

"I've not heard anyone call me Tawny since the day I left Franklin." you say in a thoughtful way, changing the subject.

"Ought we call ya somethin' else now?" he asks, a playful shrug.

"Nah." you shake your head, eyes move to Forrest who was pouring, to you what looked to be a bowl of chili. You watch his broad shoulders shift, his face turned from you as you speak. You'd always heard people say to you as a child that you'd grown like a weed when they hadn't seen you in a while. But Forrest had grown up into...well a forest sized man. No weeds to be spoke of with him, a solid body that looked as it had the sturdiness of a tree trunk. "No it...it oddly feels good to hear again," you say with a sad tone but a slow nod. "Isn't it strange the things you find you miss when you've been away from home for too long?" You're glad Howard's attention seems to be drawn to the glass he's sipping at as your eyes wander up and down the man behind the counter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories are in italics.

You leave him with a smile and a wave before slamming the door to your truck shut. He nods and gives you a small wave in return, arm barely raising as his eyes shift to see if anyone was around to see. He watches the dust kicked up by your tires as he moves to sit back down in his usual chair on the front porch. With the silence that follows after the dust has settled, he finds himself distracted and getting lost in memories of you.  
\----  
_He sat in the church pew, angled a bit towards the door watching people come in for the Sunday service. The twang of instruments playing gospels in the background. He keeps his eyes to the peeling and pocked doorway, covered in one too many coats of paint over the years._

_He see's Cliff walk in first in his Sunday best, Junior right in tow, walking behind his daddy in a clean little suit and shiny shoes. Cliff picks him up and sets him in the pew with a pat on the head, adjusting his jacket as he sat._

_He see's your mama, her floral dress swinging as she holds your upper arm, licking her thumb and rubbing at your smudged face. Her dress doesn't match to the nice suits of her second husbands, your stepfathers, and your half-brothers. She has her arm around your back, pushing you into the room, your face was solemn as he usually found it when you weren't daydreaming, which is how he preferred to see you._

_He sees your only pair of shoes, besides the boots you wore to work on the farm. They were beaten and too small under the too high hem of your dress, having grown out of it as well. The tattered hem, the dull colors of the flowers that used to be bright like the high summer grass color of your eyes. Your hair a mousey red-brown, pulled into two tight braids that you fussed with as you walked, pulling them over your shoulders. Your eyes are on the floor, no smile to be seen on your sweet face like the other girls in their fluffy bonnets and shiny shoes._

_At a glance, anyone else would look over you in the crowd of people, choosing to look at the other bubbly and highly decorated girls that giggled and got shushed by their mothers. But the only girl he ever found himself looking at was you._  
\-------  
You take a deep breath before knocking on the door of your childhood home. You hear a nasty cough, thinking that must be Cliff. A pounding of feet up to the door before it opens with a creak. The smell of smoke hits you as the form of a young man appears, he'd be about 15 now, wouldn't he?

"Tawny?" he asks, his eyes wide and you nod with a forced smile. "Oh you came!" he practically shouts, moving to hug you. You're taken back by the gesture, but you're thankful he seems like a sweet boy. "Come on, come in, come in," he excited says, tugging you by the wrist into the house. You shut the door behind you. "Daddy's in there," he says in a quieter voice. "You got the letter I'm guessin'?" he asks.

"Yeah, that's why I'm here." you say softly with a nod, setting your suitcase down on the dirty, uneven wooden floors.

"Thank God you're here, I don't know what I's gonna do if I had to deal with this all myself. I don't know nothin' 'bout buryin' nobody." he says, face falling.

"Well I do." you give him a nod, hand rubbing his shoulder. "I'm here to help you Junior. You're my brother hun, I ain't gonna leave ya hangin'." you say, compelled to pull the boy in for a hug. He happily obliges, wrapping his arms back around you. "We'll do this together alright?" you say, pushing him back by his shoulders.

He gives a sad nod and you pat his cheek.

"You look good, Tawny Bell." Cliff voice, rough as the whitewater streams, abused by drink and smokin' and screamin' his whole life is even nastier than you remember it being. He's leaning on the door frame, cane in his other hand. He looked like a corpse already.

"You take my bag to my old room, hun?" you ask Junior sweetly, he smiles and looks happy to be of use. He heads down the hall.

"Can't say the same for you." you say with a stone face, meeting his eyes but not stepping closer.

"I told him not to write you."

"Good to know he ain't listenin' to you." you retort, face giving him nothing.

"I see your bad attitude ain't changed."

"Only gotten worse when it comes to you."

"Now if you're gonna talk like that in my house I ain't gonna let ya stay here." he gruffs out.

You take hard but not rushed steps up to him, leaving maybe a foot between the two of you, you point your finger aggressively in his face. "This ain't never been your fuckin' house you god damned vulture." you bite out.

His eyes widen, you'd never stood up to him before. Just a "bad attitude" he'd called your cold and distant behavior. Your rebelliousness and tendency to run and hide constantly. It was all just your way to deal with the abuse and hell he put you and your mama through. You'd never had a bad attitude, just a bad home life.

"My daddy built this house. You ain't never done nothin' to earn or deserve gettin' to live in somethin' built with love. Somethin' you've never known a thing about you bastard." you spit at the ground at his feet. His face is still shocked. "I'm here to help Junior put you in the ground. I'm just here waiting for you to die old man, you don't get to have a say over anything I do anymore. You lost that privilege the moment you laid hands on mama you yellow-bellied coward." you back away, hearing Juniors footsteps come back down the hall.

"I've had a very long drive down. I'm going to go get settled in my room now." you turn to smile at Junior. "If you need me just knock, hun." he gives you a youthful smile and an enthusiastic nod.  
\---  
Your room is practically untouched and it stirs a lot of things up that you thought you'd forgotten. You try to sleep that night, laying there hearing Cliff coughing and sputtering all night. Every moan and groan you hear fills you with a sick sense of satisfaction. You hoped he'd be meetin' his maker soon enough and he could finally face what he's been brewing his whole life. You saw nothing but fire for the rest of eternity for him.  
When everyone's asleep and it's past dark, you leave your room. You find barely any food in the kitchen, no soap in the bathroom, the basic things you think you need in a home for it to function as such. You sigh and shove a piece of bread into your mouth, moving back to your room.

You sit on the edge of the bed, looking out your open window, dusty curtains you'd tried to beat out a bit moving in the breeze. You can actually hear the life outside the house as you sit with your eyes shut. You couldn't hear crickets or cicadas or the croak of the fat frogs that live by the creek in the city, only in your memories. You sigh and feel lighter for a moment as you hear a dog bark in the distance.

You stand and move to the window, you hit the toe of your boot into the floorboard, and a big grin moves across your face. You kneel, fingers picking the old board loose and sure enough, right where you'd left it was a jar of shine you'd hidden. You put the board back, unscrewing the jar and taking a whiff and you sneeze, the old smell brings backs memories. You take a sip and cough, leading to another laugh.

The familiarity of it all draws you outside where you sit in a rickety old swing that you weren't sure would hold you anymore, but it does. You rest your head against the fraying rope and look out into the mountains as you sip the nerve easing alcohol. Little stacks of smoke rising are the only thing that can make you pick out which burning spots are stars and which are stills in the mountains. You smile, thinking about the memories you'd had with the very moonshine you drank. Some of the only good ones actually. And all of them involving Forrest.  
\----  
_You've got your finger in his belt loop, following him through a part of the woods you weren't familiar with._

_"Slow down Forrest, I ain't as fast as you."_

_"If you hadn't drank so much you'd be faster."_

_"Shut up." you grumble. You don't see it but he smiles._

_"Ain't much further no how." he says, holding your wrist while he helps you over a fallen tree and down an embankment._

_"Well you could've waited until the day to bring me out here ya know. Or when I ain't had so much shine." you whine._

_"Well I can't rightly show you this in the day because it don't happen during the day and it's gotta be tonight cause without the full moon ya ain't gonna see it."_

_"Will I like it?" you ask, your sweet tone, sounding so innocent and earnest make him smile again, only seen by the darkness that surrounds you._

_"If I didn't think so I wouldn't be dealing with you and bringin' ya out here would I?" he says obviously._

_You pout because he's right. As you make your way up an embankment in an entirely ungraceful way you see the moonlighting his face as he laughs at you before he extends his hand down to you to pull you up. As he pulls you next to him, he places his fingers to his lips to show you to be quiet. He looks over the ridge, overlooking a valley._

_You hear wings. Lots of wings as your eyes dart around and focus. You hear a familiar flapping and clicking of bats. The moon was just up and full and bright, illuminating the valley. He takes your hand and sits you down on a log next to him._

_"I hear bats, Forrest." you whisper, leaning in close to him._

_"I know ya do Tawny. Just give 'em a minute, they gotta wake up." he grins._

_And as if on cue a smoke-like cloud of bats erupts from a cave in the mountains. You jump at the sight, your eyes wide, you clutch onto his arm as it startles you, having never seen anything like it in your life._

_"I saw you reading that book on 'em the other day, and I thought about this place." he says, watching your face as it sits in awe. "Thought you might get a kick out of it." he shrugs._

_"It's amazing, Forrest." you whisper, your eyes moving with the shifting cloud of bats leaving to feast for the night. "I read that they don't even have to see to hunt."_

_"Seein' as they do it at night I'm guessin' that's helpful."_

_"It's called nocturnal." you say, finally breaking your gaze and lookin' at him._

_"Nocturnal." he nods. "They means they sleep during the day right?" his nose wrinkles in questions._

_You give him a surprised and delighted smile. "You're the smartest boy I know, Forrest." you praise, smile still on your face as you look back to the bats._

_"And they eat bugs and hang upside down to sleep. Some of 'em can get real big. Big as a fox they say..." he muses, still watching you. "None of 'em like that 'round here though."_

_"What'd I read the book for when I got my own encyclopedia right here." you giggle, patting his arm._

_"I don't know as much as no encyclopedia, don't be silly." he shakes his head. "And you read because you like to I reckon."_

_He's now looking out at bats, you move your eyes to him, his strong brow and full lips being lit by the moon in a way that made you dizzier than the moonshine did._

_"I do like it." you whisper. He's so smart, you think to yourself. Noticing things no one else does. You're touched that he takes the time to notice things about you, no one else did._  
\----  
You fall asleep on top of the blankets of your bed. Your open window leads you to wake early, hearing the sound of the rooster letting you know the sun was about to arrive. You yawn and stretch, changing into something more suitable for a day out. You don't do your makeup, but set and brush your hair so it looks nice and neat. You put on a dress you'd bought in the city a while back. It reminded you of home and you'd never worn it out as your roommate had told you it was the homeliest looking dress she'd ever seen. But she was a dancer and anything that wasn't silk and maribou she thought was less than. The dress fits your womanly shape well. Breasts pushed together, just showing through the overlapping fabric, as it connected with small pearl-like buttons down to the waist. You rolled the long sleeves up to your elbows, grinning while you did so, as it reminded you of working on the farm as the cotton yielded to your hands. The hem hits at your ankles, a swinging skirt of green and white with a white lace trim along the bottom that framed your boots, much nicer and feminine than the ones you'd worn to literal pieces from farm work from wearing them every day, except Sundays, the last time you were home.  
You pick some greens from the overgrown and neglected garden, still having a few useful things, you pick some dandelions and make up a makeshift breakfast for Junior before you head out to town.

He's not had a reason to hide a smile, not havin' much cause to smile at all as of late. But down the road you came, giving him a reason to again. He clears his throat and finishes his coffee as you pull into a space in front of where he sat on the porch.

You hop out of the truck, revealing the lovely form you'd taken today. He averts his eyes and pushes his chin into his chest. You were prettier than he remembered you being. And he knows for certain he thought you beautiful even back then.

You scale the stairs, he sees your dainty little boots, now clean and shiny, a change he was certainly happy to see. As you lean against the wooden beam that tops the banister, he speaks before he takes in the sight of you too long.

"Miss Tawny" he gruffs out with a nod of his head as you approach him.

"Mister Forrest." you say with a small smile, he narrows his eyes at you, you think it was meant playfully. "I need to pick up a lot of things in town today. Cliff ain't got nothin' in that house and I won't have no brother of mine livin' like that." you sigh and shake your head. "Since it seems you're the man who knows everything 'round here now, I thought you might be able to tell me where's best to go in town? Seein' as I ain't made it down that way yet." you shrug and stand with your hands on your hips, looking at him for an answer, he ponders how you got a dress to match the color of your eyes, and if you knew how well it went with your darker and more red hair than he remembered it being, straying away from the source of your nickname as you got older.

"Well.." he begins, a gruff noise as he sits forward. "Just so happens I got errands to run in town today." he says as he stands, picking up his coffee mug. "You uhh..." he pauses, looking at his cup before returning his eyes to yours, an unsure expression on his face. "You can come with me if you'd like." another pause, you give him another smile. "I can show ya better 'n I can tell ya 'bout where everything is now." he elaborates.

"That sounds lovely Forrest." you say with a shake of your head, watching him lower his face and grunt, turning to walk towards the door.

"I gotta...put this up, hold on." he mumbles, gone just a moment before returning with keys in his hands.  
\--  
With the windows down the drive to town was enjoyable. The company didn't hurt either. "I reckon you and I got some catchin' up to do, don't we?" you grin as you turn to face him in the seat, his cigar, puffing away, the smoke floating out the window. He grunts and nods.

"May I ask about your parents? They were so good to me back then." you say sweetly.

"Spanish flu came through shortly after you left. It got 'em."

"Oh." you say sadly, looking back out the window. "I'm sorry to hear that. Your mama was just about the loveliest lady I've ever known."

"A nod and a grunt in repsponse. "It 'bout got me too." he adds, voice far deeper than you recall, but it has the same effect on you just the same.

"Well thank God it didn't." you say, letting out a heavy sigh. His eyes only move to see you, you're turned back towards him in the seat, his statement making you pick at your nails in your lap. "I admit, I had worried about such a thing on the drive back here. Gave me a lot of time to think." you nod. "But there you were when I pulled in." a smile spreads across your face. "Not the same Forrest I left but.." you shrug and grin, he sees your face look back up at him.

"Not the same Tawny that left neither." he says, glancing over at you for a moment before returning his eyes to the road."

You huff out a laugh. "Oh yeah. Life'll do that to ya." you say with a small chuckle. "What about your brothers?"

"Uh...Howard was in the war." he nods. "Came back but...you probably know men that came back. Lot of 'em...ain't wired right no more."

"Yeah, lots of boys that came into the bar were much the same."

"Bar?" he gruffs out, inflection in his tone.

"Yeah I's workin' in a bar for years. That's where I was when I left." you explain.

"Hmmph." he responds with a thoughtful tone and nod.

"That means you raised Jack all by yourself for a long time, didn't you?" you say with that sad lilt to your words. "Probably after Howard got back too..." you elaborate. He's thankful you're so smart and intuitive. He barely had to say a thing when he spoke with you. He was glad to see that hadn't changed.

He only nods, watching the road.

"You're a good man, Forrest." you say with a sincerity that hurts in his chest.

He scoffs, cigar shifting between his lips.

"You don't think so?"

"Know so."

"You ain't never been bad to me." you say.

"Well ya left, didn't ya?"

The words sting and you look back down to your lap. He hadn't meant to hurt your feelings. He wasn't used to talking to women. He'd have to learn to curb his curtness with you.

"What'd you do up there in the city anyway?" he asks. He sees your face rise to look at him.

"A lot of workin'." you mumble, looking back out the window. "While I's going to school I was a nanny, and I worked in a kitchen for awhile too." your voice is soft as you speak.

"School?"

"Yeah I wanted to better myself, ya know. Learnin's important to grow." you say earnestly. He nods in agreement. A dirty little rascal you left, and although well read by Franklin County standards, you'd returned a formally educated woman, pretty and pressed with starch and perfume.

"I thought maybe I'd get a husband if I got educated ya know." you shrug.

"Thought if I worked hard, both in body and mind that someone'd come along who did the same." you sigh. "Never did though." you frown, his shifting eyes catch it and it brings the pain back to his chest.

"Ain't nobody in the city smart." he says with a shake of his head. You let out a laugh that surprises him.

"After livin' there I'm inclined to agree." you let your laugh fade into a happier sigh. " With so many men I thought my chances might be better but...no one wanted a woman like me."

His face screws up, he turns it to look at you. "Well, that don't make a lick of sense."

You give him another laugh that crinkles the corner of your eyes. And while they're closed he lets himself smile for a moment.

You reach over and put your hand to his arm, "Bless your heart." you move the hand away to wipe under your eyes. "I wish they'd been more like you hun." you sigh and shake your head. "Couldn't find one with manners to save my life." you frown but it's less sad and just slightly annoyed. "Now I don't know why no one would make fun of someone for learnin'. They told me no one wanted a wife that thought and acted on her own, said I kept my head in books too much." you purse your lips. "But I mean, you know that ain't the first time I've heard that." you let out a little chuckle.

"Ain't no one from the city ever had no manners neither." he shakes his head. "Shameful of 'em for sayin' such things. Even more so when we was kids. Boys 'round here should know better." he practically spits out.

You can't help but smile at him. At least he was still a big sweetheart.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories in Italics.

_He's out making rounds before going to bed, and he see's the glow of a candle in the barn, something he's seen a few times now. He makes his way quietly over, eyes searching for you through the cracks and as usual, he finds you. He knew you stayed in the barn some nights, and he figured this was because you had your reasons for not wanting to go home. You never told anyone you stayed in the barn, feeling ashamed of not wanting to go home because you didn't want to tell anyone what was happening to you there. You just wanted to disappear and the books helped you get out of this place without having to leave. You're posted up with an old leather bag with books spilling out, an old blanket for the horses rolled up that your elbow rested on. Your legs crossed at the ankle, back against a crate, book in your rougher than they should be hands. A candle on top of the crate lights you. He never interrupted you when he'd find you like this, he thought it might embarrass you, and that's the last thing he wanted to do. He hated that you felt you had to stay and hide, but knowing you were safe and close helped him sleep at night. He'd be sure to look out his window before turning in to see if you were still up, and most nights you were._

_Sometimes he'd hear you talk to yourself, announcing your distaste for how a character was behaving. Those, in particular, made him smile on more than one occasion as when you were alone, you had a hell of a mouth on you. He wondered where you heard such words. A stray laugh or tears as you read would come and go. He knew what others saw as aloof dumbness was just a disguise, as every time he looked at you he just saw a smart and sensible girl. Working hard to take care of herself, even if he wished you didn't feel like you needed to do manual labor to do it. He knew you could use your brain to make money easily if you'd wanted to and in his fashion, he lets you make your own decisions on the matter. He had no say in what you did, although he hoped that one day he might._  
\------  
You separate from Forrest with a nod and you go towards the general store. You're moving about the isle's slowly, trying to take note of what they had and didn't. To say the selection was less than what you had in the city would be an understatement. But for its lack of variety, everything you needed was there. You lug around a big basket, gathering your things as you move. You bend down to carefully place breakable glasses into the container.

"That Tonya Barrett is back, did you hear?" one whispers. They must've not seen you crouched down. You face is uncertain and you move very slowly and quietly.

"Didn't know she was still alive." one says in an awful tone, holding no fondness for you at all.

"She's been living in the city. She was alone when she drove in I heard." one says suggestively.

"Big surprise. Couldn't find even one man to deal with her in a whole city? She mustn't of changed any in the time she's been gone." she says with a roll of her eyes.

Your nostrils flare and you pick up the basket, hiding from their view and go to the counter so you could just get out of there.

"She looks better though." said with a shrug.

"But at what cost? Childless? Unmarried at our age? Who's heard of such a thing?" If you'd had a nickel every time you'd heard that one. You knew it wouldn't be the last.

"I saw her with Forrest Bondurant earlier! Just got back and already shacking up with outlaws? What a harlot. You'd think she'd have some shame coming back with Cliff being sick and all." The worst thing, and what you missed the least about a small town is how fast gossip spread.

"Making his last days even worse, I'd imagine." you roll your eyes.

"Just like her mother, I suppose. Never up to any good and desperate just the same." she sass's with a shake of her head.

"Surprised she'd ever show her face 'round here after leavin' poor old Preacher Cliff, God bless him, with a son to raise on his own." Like you weren't also a kid at the time. Guess to them as soon as your mama died, you became the woman of the family.

The young boy behind the counter doesn't know who you are, and therefore pays no mind to the gossip, smiling at you politely and you return the expression.

"Thank you, hun," you say, tipping him. Clearing your throat loudly as you carry the basket out of the store, being sure to look both women right in their eyes before kicking the door open with your foot, and slamming it shut just the same without looking back.   
\---  
You're sitting on a raised platform as he makes his way back to the truck. Your legs are crossed and so are your arms. Your eyes are squinted against the high sun, looking around the town. You raise your hand to shield your eyes as you see a form walking down the way that you think is Forrest. You're relieved that it is.

You stand and dust off your nice dress, you give him a fake smile with one corner of your mouth pulled back. Without a word, he moves to pick up the basket by you and lifts it into the back of the truck.

"I got these too," you say pointing to two crates that were on the landing by the wall. He nods and puts them in the truck with heavy thuds. Turning back to pull his vest down, not looking winded in the least. Looks like he really was that strong and not just big. You indulge yourself in a loud sigh after he shuts the truck door behind you after opening it for you as well.

You sit and chew your cheek, sometimes carrying over to your lips, your shoulders hang low and you look out the window. He knows something must've happened, but he doesn't pry as you don't seem like you want to talk about it. But the look on your face, that distance and that hurt he's seen before, it's like he's sitting by you again at 15 years old, wishing he could take that sadness from your eyes and not being sure how to do it.   
\----  
 _He'd finally pried Laura off of him, having to sternly tell her she'd had too much to drink. She starts crying and he_ sighs, _face hardening. He leaves her crying on a tree stump, wasn't anything he could do left to_ done _there._  
  
_So as usual after the barn dances were over, he's making his way through the beaten paths that kids just like you all had made over the years, running off to kiss and giggle after sneaking away from the others. He wasn't really the type to do that sort of thing. He liked when everyone ran off in pairs, it left him alone. But as much as he liked to tell himself he didn't mind being alone, he somehow always found himself looking for you, and there you'd almost always be, sitting on that rock like a widow waiting for her man at sea to come home, looking out over the pond._

_You loved this part of the night the most. The boys and girls running to the woods to pair off, all the laughter and giggles and moans in the distance as the wet leaves slap across your bare forearms and ankles as you lift your dress and run like stallions into the night. You never paired off with anyone, you had enough problems to deal with, you weren't about to get sidetracked with your mission to leave by falling for some boy. You liked sitting on your rock by the pond. You liked to sit and stare at the moon and dream of seeing it from someplace far, far away._

_But tonight, you'd had too much to drink and been yelled at and thrown around far too much at home that week. So you do what you have to do to get it out and you cry. You sob quietly into your apron over your worn dress. You didn't drink to laugh tonight, you drank to forget. You couldn't see how heartbreaking this behavior was to see from a promising young woman, but Forrest did. What was worse than seeing it was how it made him feel._

_He approaches you from the side of the trees so you can see him. You frantically wipe your eyes as he approaches. He says nothing, sitting next to you and looking at the ground. Same poor posture as you._

_"I was..." you sniffle. "_ I's _just..." you try to make an excuse and he shakes his head._

 _He shushes you and raises his arm, his brow is furrowed and his eyes sad as he motions with his hand for you to come closer to him. He didn't know what else to do, so he held you. He felt powerless as you sobbed in his arms. Your face is buried in the side of his chest, his arm around your shoulders, hand trying to be comforting and rub your arm as you quaked with sobs. He sat and looked at the moon when he wasn't his eyes were closed, losing himself in thought. Feeling like a git for not knowing how to help you when that's all he'd ever wanted to do. You were such a good girl, you deserved so much better than the hand you were dealt. He bargains with God, telling him he'd do anything to take this sadness from your heart. He told him he didn't think it was fair to do to you, that he wouldn't question it but he sure as hell didn't approve._  
\----  
Forrest takes you home, saying he'll bring your truck by and to stop fussin' at him because it ain't no trouble.

You pop your head in the front door and after a shout to announce yourself you find a note on the kitchen table of a doctor appointment for Cliff you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding in as Forrest helps you put away groceries.

You're thanking him after he set you back down on the ground, having helped you out of the tall back of his truck after you pull the last box forward to take it in the house as you see a truck coming down the lane. Junior deserved to live in a house where he had food and soap and fuel for the fires. It was clear that Cliff hadn't been keeping up with such things.

The old beat up pick-up of Cliff's still the same after all these years, except juniors in the driver's seat now pulls into the lane. A weak Cliff waddles slowly towards the house. He looks at the truck you're standing next to, having seen Forrest with his hands on your waist before turning to take the last box in the house.

"I leave for only a few minutes and you're out fucking with those Bondurant boys in my house again?"

You give him an offended but heated look. "Again? Ain't never fucked around with anyone of my own free will in that house." you bite back at him.

"I saw ya'll sneakin' in an out back when you's young. Surprised he'd have anything to do with ya now." he gives you a slow predatory look up and down that makes your skin crawl, even receiving it as an adult. "What with ya gettin' old and being unmarried. Probably barren since ya ain't had no babies yet 'cause lord knows you've done the work to get 'em." Your cheeks burn red with rage.

You assume he must've seen Forrest walking you home from the woods when you were younger. "What I do ain't none of your business and it ain't never been like that between me and nobody 'round here. It's untellin' what you think you saw old man, you and the liquor have always been bedmates for your tellin' tales to save yourself even the most minor of inconveniences." Your arms are across your chest when Forrest boots hit hard against the steps. He can tell when a woman's being spoken to in a way she doesn't like, the energy he walks into prickles the hair on the back of his neck.

"Forrest." Cliff nods, face falling indifferent as he deflates and starts to move towards the house.

"Cliff." Forrest nods. You couldn't help but turn your head to the sound, as it was the rudest you'd heard his tone since being back. You didn't mind it in the least. "Junior." he gives your younger half-brother a nod of acknowledgment as he walks up behind his father, big paper bag of rattling pill bottles.

"Hey Mr. Bondurant." he nods and smiles, rather carelessly walking into the house. What you would've given to have still had that spring in your step at that age. You were working and almost out of here by that point in your life. You try not to feel bitter, but thankful he got to experience the luxury of a happy childhood. Forrest's eyes move to your face. You're shooting daggers at Cliff's back as he walks in the house. He see's your chest rising and falling rapidly, you weren't that good at hiding your emotions on your face he thought. As he could hear you swallow and take a shaky inhale before meeting his eyes again.

"Thank you for helpin' me out today Forrest." you finally say, your eyelashes fluttering to push back tears and to focus your mind.

"Don't think nothin' of it Miss Barrett." you give him a smirk.

"You ain't gotta call me that." you smile at him, he changes his line of sight and pretends he doesn't notice it.

"Well I'm technically on the land of the man who helped raise you and by my own raisin' I'm supposed to address you in such a way in these circumstances," he explains, looking at the ground, hands in the pockets of his cardigan.

"That man didn't do no raisin' of me." your whisper pulls his eyes, blue steel to green magnets at the raw emotion of it. You hold the stare for a moment, before you dart them away, finding his eyes to be too full of questions for you to handle. "I don't know if you can recall, Forrest, but..." you swallow again, taking a breath to compose yourself. "I was alone a lot growin' up." you see his chin lower, his eyes far away for a moment.

"MmmHmm." he grunts, a nod of his head follows.

"Well, save my mama, who did the best she could, rest her soul...save her, I don't feel wrong sayin' I did almost all my rasin' on my own." you bite your bottom lip before you reach down to dust off your dress. He knows you're upset and he doesn't like it but what the hell could he do about it? Wasn't his place to step in at all. Not unless you asked him to.

Hell, he wasn't even sure who you were now. You'd only just gotten back. Yet, when he'd searched your eyes and words for deceit or ill intentions he found not one. He wasn't sure if it was the warm comforting feelings of nostalgia but he could swear it was like he was 15 again when you'd match his eyes and he'd be damned if he didn't think you were still giving him that same smile you used to too.

"Then Miss Tawny," he says, clearing his throat and tipping his hat at you. "Seein' as you don't need no one to take care of ya, same as then, I'll leave ya to it." he nods and you can't help but smile at him. Despite your anger, you can't help but be calmed by him. You almost want to cry at his intuitive, most delicate kindness in the recognition of your wishes without raking his words against you to ask for more information from you when you weren't ready to give it. You're reminded of the nights in near silence by the pond.

"Thank you, Forrest. For everything." you say softly as he turns to get in the truck, your hand resting on his arm, a slight drag of your fingertips as he turns, a simple gesture of gratitude from an old friend, he thinks. You had tended to be affectionate to him when you let your guard down. You're already walking back to your house by the time he's turned back around to face your direction. 


	4. Chapter 4

You'd mostly busied yourself with things around the outside of the house. You wore yourself out from sun up until sun down trying to manage the neglected state of the land. You started with the garden, getting it back to a usable state, you started working on mending the fences, painting the outside of the house after having to replace a few boards and patch spots in the roof. You were thankful for there being so many things to do as it helped keep you distracted and out of the inside of the house where Cliff was. 

Everytime Junior started his morning with telling you he had to go to town to get something, you'd tell him you'd do it, giving the excuse he needed to stay with Cliff since he was in a steep decline. You knew he wouldn't argue, and he never did. 

You'd found excuses to stop by the station almost every day, even if it was only for a few minutes for gas. You took Cliff's truck to be looked at because it desperately needed it, and by doing this you'd been introduced to Cricket, a lovely boy around Junior's age who despite his physical limitations seemed to not be limited in his thinking. 

After spending the morning in town you'd even gotten to stop by and have lunch at the station with Forrest. Even if it was only you sitting at the bar and him tending to patrons. If there was a moment of downtime, he'd come back around to the far end of the bar where you'd sit and fill up salt shakers as you ate your sandwich and you'd get to watch his hands work, his brow furrow and hear his grunts of acknowledgement to those who left and came in. 

Howard was always ready to tell a tale if you had the time, Jack would float around, amusing you as he grumbled every time Forrest would order him to do something. Forrest was always there to listen, nod and approve of whatever you felt like talking about that day. Although it was mostly about work around the house you'd been doing, which he was plenty knowledgeable on and always willing to give his two cents to you about.

It felt so nice to be back around the Bondurants, you felt like you were back where you should be. You didn't feel lonely or like you didn't belong around them like you had for years in the city. For once you felt an ease deep in yourself that you hadn't realized had been missing in those years away. Perhaps, you thought, you always knew what that nagging incomplete feeling was that you had in the city. You thought it was loneliness, not being able to find a decent man and not connecting to the gorgeous painted girls that seemed to just pop out of the woodwork everywhere up there. But now you were realizing you'd gotten too into your own head in the city, and what had been missing from it and you was the heart and soul Franklin County had.

In about a week Cliff passes in his sleep. You'd heard the sputtering stop, a particularly loud wheeze, and a heavy thump hit the ground. You didn't get up. You stayed in bed, rolled over and went back to sleep. 

You'd found him dead that morning just like you knew you would after you didn't hear another sound after that heavy, sick thud of his body hitting the floor. You got up early and hid the body from Junior, finding it fitting to sit him at the table and tell him. The same table your mama told you your daddy was dead at. You share this with Junior, and it creates a bond of solidarity for the both of you. You tell him you ain't leavin' him, but he's gotta start acting like a man now. You hold him and he cries. You tell him there ain't so shame in crying, not for man or woman and to let it out and to never let anyone make him feel bad about doing so. 

You're in town at the funeral parlor. You told them you didn't want to handle a thing, and the less you saw of him the better. They took this as you being too heartbroken to bear seeing him, but it was just the opposite. You passed on the old traditions of sitting up with the dead, keeping him at the parlor, and paying extra to do so instead of taking him home and laying him out. You put him in the church for the funeral and then you put the bastard in the ground. That was your plan. 

You held the traditional get together at the house like you thought proper to do for appearances, you just didn't have the body there for everyone to gawk at. When folks asked, you told him you didn't think Junior could handle having his daddy out in the state that he died in. All grey and sunken, veins popping out of his crepey skin. You claimed Junior had seen enough of what the sickness had done to his daddy and you didn't think it was the last memories of him that he needed. Some agreed, some argued, and you didn't care what they said either way. 

You hold Junior's hand, your arm around his shoulder as he cries in the new suit you'd bought him. It had cheered him up, if even for a little bit. He cried the whole walk there behind that noisy, smelly wagon that pulled him to the church. You had a black dress thankfully, finding an old trunk of your mother's and taking the veil she'd worn for your daddy's funeral. You thought it might make her happy to do such a thing, a passive way to tell him you weren't mourning him, and that you refused to. But rather you thought about your own father.

You remember he was kind and that you loved him and he loved you and mama. You never heard him so much as raise his voice to her or you. You remember the strong smell of coal, his coming home with an almost solid black face, you trying to scrub it off almost every day in the tub in the living room while he laughed at your weak attempts, you were a small thing but you certainly were persistent. If only the mine hadn't collapsed, you think. You roll your eyes at yourself, what a silly thing to think at this point in your life with it so far in your past. 

You get up in the middle of the preacher talking about what a good man Cliff was. You're met with murmurs from the guests. What your wild self wants to do is take the podium from that man and speak some real truths in God's house. Tell them every despicable thing he'd done to you and your mama. Air out his sins for everyone to see. But you don't. Junior doesn't deserve that, and now you were prepared to do that for him. Now you were suddenly back home with a boy to raise. What a turn of events. 

You hold in your words of pain, withholding them from the murmuring and rubbernecked group of folks that filled the pews. Seems while you were gone, after digging below the bottom of the barrel, running out of money and friends from his drinking and gambling he'd "found God" he claimed. More like he almost died and got scared of the hellfire waiting for him and decided to play pretend and hope God couldn't tell the difference once his body failed. Now his body had failed, heart giving out and for the sake of your soul, you were hoping he got sent to where he'd see the error of his ways.

You lean down to kiss the top of the sniffling boys head, hunched over in the front church pew, whispering you'll be right back to him before departing the church that was scorching in the summer heat. You leave with your chin high, hands tight around your small purse, filled with papers to the brim from dealing with Cliff's affairs. 

Forrest waits until the crowd has settled, he saw the tears falling down your face before you even made it out of the doors of the church. He feels his jaw tense, eyes searching about the room for any eye left wandering and he leaves to make sure you're okay. No one else seemed to be and he didn't think that was right. 

He moves to the tree line and squints his eyes to focus, and he hears your sobs and lets out a quiet groan that accompanies his frown. He shoves the low tree limbs out of his way, much harder for him to make it through this brush with his size than you, but he wasn't about to leave a sobbing woman in the woods alone. 

You've made it to an old decaying pile of stones of what once was the foundation for a house. You're slumped a bit, face towards the sky, your lips trembling as you try to stop crying. 

You hear the snap of a branch and immediately straighten your posture, wiping at your face hurriedly with your hands but the source of the noise had already seen you. 

"Hell, Forrest you scared me." you mumble, wiping your hands on your black dress, looking at the ground. 

He gives you an apologetic grunt as he stands a few feet away from you, hands in his cardigan pockets. 

You nod, taking a few slow deep breaths. You had to compose yourself, this day wasn't even close to being over. 

"Best be gettin' back. I'm sure the whole towns talkin' 'bout me leavin' and wildly speculatin' already." you rasp out, knowing he was there to make sure you were alright. Which you appreciated but his timing was always so poor. You stand next to him, expecting him to lead the way but he just stares at you, chin into his chest. He reaches into his vest pocket, pulling out a handkerchief, handing it to you and smile at him, tears shining in your eyes. You take it and dab at your eyes. "Thank ya, Forrest." your voice getting raspy from crying and stress.

"You sure you're alright?" he asks, head shifting slightly. 

"No." you give a sad huff of a laugh that resembles a sob. 

"You ain't cryin' cause he's dead." his voice is deep and gritty, it was a statement. Not a question.

You close your eyes tight and shake your head, mouthing the word no in response. 

"You in any sort of trouble Miss Tawny?" you swing your eyes up to his, he's moved closer to you, eyes looking you over, you weren't sure for what but they were searching for something.

What you didn't know was the reason for him asking. Before he'd supposedly found God, Cliff had been going to the Bondurants for his alcohol. Lots of folks made their own alcohol, even before prohibition came along. It was a past time from necessity and if you had nothing left in the cold dead of winter, you could always keep warm with moonshine when the poor yield from the crops that year was long since gone and the bitter cold was still gnawing at your bones. There were two bigger causes for babies than love and marriage your mama had said, and that was moonshine and snow. You'd never really understood what she meant when she'd said it, but you certainly did now. 

But after prohibition did hit, the Bondurants, known for their good mix already, well they naturally became quite successful, Forrest had divulged that much to you in the truck on the way to town. But Cliff had been a client. What Forrest was hesitant to tell you, was that they'd had to stop serving Cliff as he stopped paying and he clearly wasn't doing too good, looking sicker and sicker everytime he'd come around begging in the dark where no one would see the fiending Preacher. He knows he'd seen Cliff five sheets to the wind when they weren't selling to him, thinking they were the last source he had. So Forrest was worried what a penniless alcoholic might have done in desperation to get his fix. He didn't want anyone coming after you for the money when they found out he was dead if he'd went through means with men that weren't known for their fairness. Because it sure wouldn't be the first time something like that had happened around here. 

"I'm not in no trouble, Forrest." you say with a sigh. 

His eyes are wide and shifting back and forth under a thoughtful brow trying to figure out what was wrong with you, but you know he's not going to ask. 

"My mama told me not to speak ill of the dead," you say, your posture slacking and your mouth set in a subtle frown. "Them preachin' 'bout what a good man he was just too much for my delicate sensibilities." you say with a laugh at yourself, some silent tears falling.

"So there's ill to be spoken of?" he asks, eyes shifting faster, you could see he was fighting with himself about something. 

You nod and wipe your cheek, you feel him tense. He didn't claim to be a genius but he could put things together well enough with your hesitancy to always go home at night when you were growin' up together. He didn't claim to know exactly what went down in that house but he'd heard nasty rumors from the women in town when he was younger. He never thought much of it, wasn't his business, and it was only spoken from the mouths of bitter gossips so who even knows which stories if any were the cause of your pain.

"Ain't no reason for you to worry yourself with such things," you say, waving your hand. "Just best to be relieved he's gone without the knowledge of why it's a good thing to come to pass." You rub your face with your hands, your fingers under your eyes. You nod and look up at him. "Thank you for comin' and checkin' on me Forrest."

He nods and grunts, pulling back a tree limb as you hold the back of his cardigan, giving it a tug just like you used to when you were kids and he'd take you home through the woods at the end of the night.   
\----------------------  
No one talks to you back at the house. Why did such personal life events have to be met with swarms of nosey, two-faced gossips who you knew were currently wiggling the doorknobs to the bedrooms, because you'd locked them all, keys still around your neck on a strip of leather cord. You had spent most of the last few days cleaning manically as it dawned on you you'd have to host such an event. You hadn't left a thing in that decaying place that they could use against you. You couldn't give them the satisfaction. The cleaning of the house had helped you work out your frustrations physically, but every time you'd find yourself on your hands and knees in certain spots you'd have a flashback of being hit and landing there before, you'd be overwhelmed with a wave of tears so hard that you had to rest against the wall, legs bent to your chest and forearms on your knees. After a few rounds of this you sobbed through the scrubbing, leaving your fingers raw from the wooled sponge. 

You're alone in the backyard, sitting on the old swing, attached to an even older tree. The music from the record player lofting about, you can faintly hear of the talking in the house. 

"Place looks a lot better." he says, you smile up at him, your face still a bit sad.

"Thank you for noticin', Forrest." you lilt at him, he gives a quick nod, looking away when the sweetness you've put on his name hits his ears. 

"The...uh...flowers. Up front." he motions in the direction of the house with his head. "Looks real nice."

"I get 'em from the field. Guess somethin' good came from it over growin'. Tons of wildflowers out back that way. I suppose that schoolin' for such things paid off." you say with a quiet chuckle, your feet dragging across the worn dirt patch underneath the swing.

"Ya schoolin' was in flowers?" asks, his head tilting slightly, you could swear there was almost a smirk on his face at you. Was he trying to joke with you? More importantly, was he trying to cheer you up?

"Nah, course not," you say with a chuckle. "Home Economics, actually. But that covers a lot more than people think it does." you say in defense of the decision.

"I'd know that first hand, Miss Tawny. Runnin' a home is about the hardest damn thing there is to do." he says as your lashes flutter, touched by the support he was giving to your decision. You feel the weight of his words, knowing how he had taken over the role of head of the family with Howard gone to the war, comin' back a few bolts loose. Havin' to take care of Jack alone, have his parents died, almost dying himself. You let yourself sigh at the quiet hum of respect and power that came off of Forrest. An old soul, you'd always thought.

"It is." you say with a nod. "Most men'll scoff at it. What're you doin' going for domestic's when ya ain't even married." you roll your eyes. "But it's more than that." you shake your head. "I know about growin', cookin', buyin' food. Nutrition and keepin' things from makin' ya sick. I learned accountin' and budgetin', sewin', psychology, raisin' kids, communication skills and textiles." you take a deep breath. "Ain't no one but the ones that do it themselves that understand what all it really covers. I'd say not like us but I ain't done a drop in the oceans worth of the work you've had to put in for your family."

He remains silent, hands back in his pockets. "It's just what we do, ain't it?" he says with a shrug, the corner of his mouth pulling down slightly. "You're raisin' Junior. You're the head of your house now."

"Yeah. I guess my raisin' of him's only just startin'. Gotta go try to get me a job in town somewhere or somethin' since I'm stayin'." his jaw tenses. He didn't know what your plans were after Cliff died.   
"Where'd you say you's workin' in the city again?" he asks, shifting his weight to one side.

"Uh, nanny and kitchen work before the bar. Well it was a speakeasy when I left it." 

"I might know of someplace that'd have a use for ya."

"Oh really?" you're surprised, your nose wrinkling up at him. "My outlook was quite bleak to be honest, I'm surprised. Where ya talkin'?

"Well," the corner of his mouth pulls back ever so slightly in a smile. "I mean, if they'll have ya back." you swear you see his stomach move with a laugh. You'd have bet money on it. 

"Have me back? Where I been workin'?" you ask, giving him a pout that is clearly not serious. 

"At the station." he says with a nod.

You stop your lazy back and forth of your feet and stop them with a crunch of rock at his words. "With you boys?" you ask, your voice sounds unusually weak in its delivery. 

"Well you said it, that schoolin' of yours gave ya a lot to offer 'n we need the help." he moves his shoulders in a subtle move to back his own words up. "Ain't nobody gonna mess with ya or nothin' there." he says with a hard nod and a grunt. If he kept you close, maybe he could keep you safe. 

"You ain't doin' this outta pity are ya? Cause of the situation I find myself in?" you ask, your eyes narrowing.

"You ain't never needed my pity before Miss Tawny. I don't know why'd you'd need it startin' now." he defends his decision. You squint your eyes at him, well hell...he meant that. You let out a heavy sigh.

"Alright. Then I graciously accept." you say with a polite nod, he mirrors your gesture. 

"You need a few days to get this straight?"

"No, you want me there in the mornin'? I don't wanna stay in that house no more than I have to." you admit. 

"I'll be seein' ya at dawn then, Miss Tawny." he tips his hat to you. 

"Forrest?"

He turns just his head towards you, his eyes meeting yours for a moment.

"Thank you."

He nods again, his shoulders moving with it.

"I mean it." you say before he turns, tipping his hat again and disappearing around the side of the house.


	5. Chapter 5

To say you were excited would an understatement. So would saying you were thankful and relieved. Once again, the Bondurants being your secret saviors, giving you the means to care for Junior and yourself, and knowing you’d have someone with a reputation to protect you. You also weren’t lying to yourself that getting to spend time with Forrest every day also made your heart swell and pitter patter for entirely different reasons.

It’s like you timed it perfectly, he was unlocking the front door as you pull in.

“Looks like I brought the sun with me.” you say with a pleasant soft smile, looking back down the road in the direction you’d come from, sun cresting over the mountains.

“Right on time Miss Tawny.” he nods, his voice and grunt particularly deep in the morning.

“If nothing else, I am punctual.” you shake your head and smile and raise your shoulders in support of his statement.

“You eat?” he asked with a subtle raise of his brow.

“Oh yeah, I got Junior up and fed and out doin’ chores already.” you say proudly, smoothing out your navy dress.

He nods and purses his lips in approval.

“I mean he’ll prob take a nap while I’m out but long as he gets it done, I’ll let him think he’s gettin’ one over on me.” you laugh and make it to the top of the stairs next to him.

This gets a pulled back corner of his mouth in amusement from him, meeting your eyes so you know he means you to see it. Seems you already understood how to handle teenagers. He thought it was pretty damn impressive.

“More importantly have you eaten?” you say, shaking your chin up at him, a single fingertip gently touching his chest in punctuation. His eyes move to it, then back to yours, a smirk clear in them.

“MmmHmm.” his eyes shift away, smirk still hanging on hips lips.

“Well then let’s get started, shall we?” you say, putting your hands on your hips.

He nods and grunts, you follow him around the station.

You first walk around the property, and it’s like stepping into a memory. The barn’s still there, now another storage building, more cars than there were, but the place still felt the same. Maybe it was because you were with Forrest again.

He pushes back the door of the barn, motioning you to go on in, holding open the door with the same old brick you used to, it makes you smile. He explains what and where the vegetables and food are kept in, grunting and touching and lightly kicking wooden barrels that sat amongst the bales and farm equipment. Saddles and bridles, tools and leather hang and rest among the huge wooden posts and dusty rafters of the interior of the barn.

You turn and sit on a grouping of hay bales, your hands running lightly over the hay humming to yourself, an amused look on your face. Your expression warms him from the inside out. He knew you were thinking about those nights in the barn reading. He swallows and stands in wait, hands in his pockets, letting you have a moment. He hadn’t seen your face this happy since you’d been back and he wasn’t about to cut it short.

You thought about the late nights reading in this same spot, but that thought had quickly passed, looking over to a dairy cow in a stall, wasn’t the same cow, but the memory makes your cheeks flush as you look over Forrest’s masculine frame, simply waiting on you to move forward.

Now knowing what you did about mutations and deformities and why they happen, the memory no longer held any fear for you, but you do remember what happened afterward.   
——  
 _You knew Daisy was going to give birth any day now. So you kept going in the barn and checking on her throughout the day, the poor dear seemed distressed, so you stroked and cooed her swollen sides, hoping to ease any of the sweet beasts pain. You’d done all you could, going off to finish your work, the Bondurant parents weren’t home and you weren’t real sure where the boys were, but you had things to do._

_When you come back, she’s on her side, mooing and groaning, straining and pushing. You rush over, grabbing the heavy duty apron and tying it around your neck and waist. You slide on your gloves and grab a blanket off the gate. You shush her, the gesture only helping you as you reach in to check how she’s coming along._

_“Shit.” you curse, shaking your head. The calf was breeched. Normally, you’d call for Mr. Bondurant for these sorts of things but you couldn’t in this particular situation so you sit and wait, elbows on your bent knees, chewing your cheek and trying to figure out how you were going to get this calf out on your own. You knew if you let this go on too long it’d end very badly and you didn’t know how long it had gone on already as you’d been out in the garden for hours. You hop up to grab the straps and chains, pushing over a heavy crate to rest your foot against to try to pull this baby out._

_And you try. You try your damnedest. You’ve got the feet just out, strapping them up like you’d seen done before, you strain and groan just as much as poor Daisy does, and if you don’t get this calf out soon you’re gonna lose them both and you wouldn’t want to be the reason the Bondurants lost their milk supply, and the calf that was supposed to double that eventually. You shout in anger, breath heaving and sweat making your hair stick to your face._

_You give it another go, and you get maybe another inch along. You reach back into the cow, and you freeze._

_“That ain’t right.” you whisper to yourself, your eyes going wide and your heart racing. You’d felt a breeched calf before and this wasn’t that. You’d swear there were extra parts or something in there. You don’t mean to but it makes you panic._

_You let out a scared high pitched sound, trying to pull again and this time you scream from the effort._

_He’s rounding the house when he hears your scream. Dropping the crate he was carrying and running as fast as he could to the sound._

_“TAWNY?!” you hear Forrest shout._

_“FORREST! HELP ME!” you scream back._

_He barrels into the barn, tripping and almost falling as he darts towards you._

_“Something ain’t right here, Forrest!” you say, your face pale and your voice scared._

_He’s trying to catch his breath, hands on his knees and bent over._

_“Tawny, she’s just breeched.” he pants._

_“Look.” you bite, his eyebrows raise high on his face. “I know what a breeched calf feels like and this ain’t that.” you say with absolute certainty that he buys into fully. He raises and moves to inspect himself, grabbing the other gloves._

_“Shit.” he says softly, face looking much the same as yours did._

_“See! I told you! Somethin’ ain’t right!” your voice now quieter but even more insistent._

_“Sure as hell isn’t.” he says, brow furrowing and eyes darting around the barn. “Get these gloves off,” he barks, yanking the long hard material down and off your hands. “Get the chain, I’ll tighten this and we’re gonna have to fuckin’ pull.” he orders._

_He squats, foot against a load-bearing beam, you’re on your feet, using your body weight to pull, arms overlapped and in total tandem without even meaning to. You both shout and groan and gasp, pulling with all your might. And a haunting sound you’ll never forget, a scream from poor Daisy, when the calf, if that’s what you could call it, comes out suddenly. You both fall backward, you on top of him, your back to his chest, his back hitting against a stack of crates with a crack._

_When you see what you’ve pulled out your eyes grow to the size of saucers, your mouth drop open, lip trembling in fear. It was completely deformed. Half limbs growing from places they weren’t supposed to and a partially inside out body, something you thought might only exist in hell. You gasp and turn immediately towards Forrest, your breathing still heaving, you stare at his chest, twisted in his lap._

_“What in God’s name is that Forrest?” you whisper, eventually meeting his eyes, but his were the same as yours, full of questions and fear._

_He gulps in response. In his shock he acts without thinking as he moves to protect you, arms pulling you close as you shake. “I don’t reckon God had anything to do with this.” he rasps out. “That’s…I ain’t never seen that before.” he shakes his head back and forth slowly, eventually he can pull his eyes away from the bad omen and to you. “Are you alright?” he asks, his hand moving to push your hair from your face, moving it towards him._

_“Is that my fault? Did I do something wrong? Oh God your daddy’s gonna kill me.” you whimper out, tears threatening to stream from your wild eyes. He can feel your breathing threatening to move too quickly and he takes your face in his hands._

_“This ain’t your fault, you hear? You didn’t do this.” he says, faces inches from yours._

_“But I…I was the one that started pullin’ I…” your lips shake and more tears fall, and he shushes you again._

_“This ain’t on you Tawny.” he whispers. “Stop cryin’,” he says with no demand to his tone, just a soft whisper. You try to end the tension in your body, you gulp and move your eyes back to his. “Please,” he sounds desperate and it doesn’t go unnoticed to you. You take in a shaky exhale, and rest your chest against his. “I can’t stand seein’ you cry.” he barely gets the words loud enough for you to hear. You’re hit with the weight of them._

_How many times had he seen you cry? You didn’t even know._

_Your lashes flutter and you take a deep shaky exhale through pouted lips as he mirrors the action to support it._

_“That’s my girl, shhh. Ain’t no reason to be scared.” he says, using his thumbs to wipe away your tears from your flushed face._

_“Forrest I-” he feels that tremor in your voice and stops you._

_“Shhh.”  he shakes his head as his lips pursed. “I ain’t gonna let nothin’ happen to ya, Tawny. Not never…” you gulp noisly and your eyes move to his pursed lips, far too close to yours. With the mix of teenage hormones, feelings unspoken and the adrenaline from fear and exertion his eyes move down to your mouth as you lick your lips, little puffs of breath escaping in tiny nervous moans. You consider it for just a moment. What would it be like to kiss a boy? What would it be like to kiss him? What would happen if you did?_

_You wanted to. In your naivety and inexperience, you don’t know that he wants desperately to kiss you. But as fate decided, it was not the time for you to kiss Forrest Bondurant. As your head shoots to the side, Howard stomping into the barn after hearing all the commotion, effectively sending you back into a panicked state as you jumped up and darted to him, everything that had happened spilling out._

_Forrest exhales loudly, hanging his head for his lack of courage to kiss you. He closes his eyes, back of his head hitting the crate behind him over and over in a reluctant punishment for squandering an opportunity like that._  
—–  
“You remember that demon calf we pulled out together?” you eye narrowed as they move from the cow to him.

If you’d been any closer, and if the streams of sunlight coming through the cracks of the walls of the barn had lit him just right, you would’ve seen the tiniest of blush come to his face. He clears his throat. A grunt and a nod.

“I remember years later… readin’ about birth defects and what not for school…” the corner of your mouth pulls back in recollection of a fond memory. “And finally realizin’ what happened in a scientific way…” you shake your head at yourself. “Can’t believe some of the wild speculatin’ we did as to what happened. Just one simple mistake while it was formin’….can cause all that mess.” you shrug and sigh. “Wish I would’ve known that then.” you let out a huff of laugh and standing, dusting off the back of your dress. “Could’ve saved myself quite a few nightmares.” your eyebrows raise and you frown just slightly.

“Old lady Wallace came ‘round once word got out about it. Called it a bad omen.” he says nodding, eyes on the ground. It wasn’t too long after that day that you left. Then him and his parents got sick, then both his parents died. He wasn’t typically inclined to believe such things, not now anyway, but he’d be damned if it wasn’t one hell of a coincidence.

“I had that thought myself.” your frown fades with your nod, you put your hands on your hips as you head back towards the reinforced doorway. You stop and wait for him as he shuts the door back. “Kind’ve a self-fulfilling prophecy though when you believe that sorta thing, huh?” you turn just your head to follow him as he walked past you.

He nods, his lips pressed in agreement. “That’s a right smart way to put it.”

“Ain’t inclined to think that way much anymore now though.” you muse, looking up at the sky while you follow him to the back door of the station. “No use in havin’ fear about things you can’t understand.” you say thoughtfully, shrugging before you clasp your hands together in front of you.

God, he’d missed hearing you pour out all those odd thoughts in your head. And now they were eloquent and informed too. No longer just musing of a girl but wisdom from a woman. He lets a warm expression settle over his face since he was walking ahead of you. He hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed you. But then again, he hadn’t really let himself think about it.

“What about things you do understand?” he retorts, wanting to hear you elaborate.

“Well, there ain’t much that scares me nowadays.” He hoped that was true. For both of your sake’s.

“I’ve seen you scream over a moth gettin’ caught in your hair before.” the corner of his mouth pulling back, looking down at you as you pass him to walk into the station.

You stop, narrowed eyes, bright and playfully glaring at him from under your brow. “Yeah and I was just 8 years old.” you let out another eye crinkling laugh. “You’re still a smart ass I see.” you give him a wicked grin, whispering and leaning in closer.

He shrugs his face and shoulders in acknowledgment.

“Can’t believe you remember that!” you say with a loud laugh as you sway into the station.

He pulls the door shut behind him, walking down the short hallway and you’re already behind the counter, having found an apron and tying it behind your back.

“Now I ain’t braggin’ but…I do have a good memory.”

“Ya ain’t gotta be modest on my account, Forrest.” your posture straightens. “Speaking of, what should I call you while I’m working? I think I can manage to call ya boss or…Mr. Bondurant or somethin’ if that’s what ya’d prefer.” your face is light and agreeable.

“Forrest’s fine, Tawny, don’t be silly.”

“You got it boss.” you say with a firm nod and a grin.

A smile appears on the corners of his lips at you, he grunts and looks away.

“How do ya like your coffee Forrest? I’ll get some goin’ first then I’ll work on throwin’ together a stew or somethin’. That alright?” you tilt your head as you fill the coffee pot.

“Black.” he nods and blinks. “And sounds like you’re back at home already here.” he says, tipping his hat to you taking a step back.

“The familiarity doesn’t hurt. ” you shake your head with a small smile.

“Well I’m gonna be in the office,” he says slowly, hand moving towards the open half glass door to the far side of the open space.

“If I get stuck on anything, you mind if I ask ya about it or you want not to be bothered?” your chin moves to your chest. Although he didn’t feel it was needed between the two of you, he appreciated your thoughtfulness as to respecting the role of employee and employer.

“Ya ain’t gonna bother me by askin’ me questions 'bout your work.” he meets your eyes, yours wide and his focused. “If I don’t need bothered, I’ll let ya know beforehand.” he gives you a solid nod and you mirror the gesture.

“I’ll bring ya coffe in in just a minute.” you say as you turn after he does, watching the water start to trickle down.

He grunts and nods, raising a hand in acknowledgment before he saunters his way into the office.   
—–  
“Mornin’ Forrest!” you lilt out just like you have every day so far. And damned if the sound of you callin’ his name all sweet wasn’t the best part about his morning now. And just as every day since your first, you come in with an armful of wildflowers.

“I tried to get a bunch of yellow one’s today,” you announce proudly, beaming over the armful of blooms. “I thought they’d look really pretty with the blue walls.” you say looking into the station before he pulls the door open for you.

“I leave the decoratin’ to you, Miss Tawny.” he gruffs out and nods.   
Since you’d started working there, coming in early and leaving late was something you’d done without one complaint. He remembers you not wanting to go home when you were younger, and with what he was assuming the source of that want being cold and dead in the ground, he wasn’t sure what was motivating this behavior. Perhaps you really just were as hard of a worker as you always had been.

You had swept, dusted and scrubbed every bit of that place down since you’d been there. It looked like it’d been repainted after you’d gotten done with it. Even the advertisement tins and porcelains outside seemed to glean a little brighter since you’d become a part of the essential functioning of the place.

Howard had certainly loved having you around. He’d been in a better mood the past week than he had in months. He finally had someone to tell all his old glory days stories to that hadn’t heard them so much already that they just shut him down before he even got to the good parts. Forrest sat at the table in the back corner a lot. You’d see him with his thinking face on, rough fingertips tapping against the ledger, counting to himself. You kept yourself busy, or rather the customers and maintenance of the place did. You didn’t get a lot of chances to catch glances at Forrest, but he had been catching them of you. He’d watch you genuinely laugh at the stories Howard would tell you,  wrinkling your nose and swatting at the air in front of him when he’d get a bit too suggestive, a little too much wiggling of the eyebrows at you. You were certainly a lot more charming than you had been back then, he found it interesting as you wielded a certain power over folks it seemed. An ease to your words and actions now, all confident and sure of yourself. 

  
The customer’s sure loved you. But most were all men so how could they not. You were the picture of perfection in your duties. You’d tend to the old-timers who just sat and drank and played cards all day. Same table, same old men, some old stories every day. They liked having you wait on them a little too much. He’d had to give them the old grunt and glare a few times when he’d hear the conversation turn to “If I were a younger man…” a few times.

You could tone down your accent and mix a real drink for any city folk that found their way in. You’d play it up for the old gosspin’ women who liked to ask you one too many personal questions, playing coy and bashful to deter them. You’d brought a new life into the place, a feminine touch that it had sorely needed. And whether he wanted to fully admit it to himself, he needed that in his life too.   
–  
“Here ya go, hun.” you say softly, one hand on his shoulder, the other handing him a mug of steaming coffee, untucking the newspaper from under your arm and placing it on the small table next to his chair outside.

As usual, a deep grunt and nod in response.

“You mind if I have a cup out here with ya before I get started today?” you ask. Your voice sounds tired this morning. He’d noticed the change gradually, starting off like a spark plug at first and just slowly, maybe not noticeable to anyone who wasn’t studying your behavior, started to get a bit lower every morning of that first week.

“No, go 'head.” he says reaching and lifting a small wooden chair and sitting it on the other side of the table.

“Thanks, Forrest.” you yawn before you take a sip of your drink.

“I hope you don’t mind me askin’ ya a personal question, Tawny.” you move your face to meet his, eyes open to the invitation.

“No, I don’t mind at all.” you say softly.

“You…been sleepin’ alright?” he asks, eyes narrowing and staying on yours.

Your eyelashes flutter, of course, he’d noticed. Never could hide anything from him, could you? “I..” you begin then stop, looking down at the rough wooden spool on its side that served as a table. You didn’t know how to tell him that you felt like a child again when you left there and went home. That sleeping in the room was making you feel crazy. You’d been drinking to help yourself fall asleep at night, the memories just kept creeping into your thoughts. You were ashamed they were still influencing you. You had thought after Cliff died maybe you’d be at peace with the abuse of your childhood but that had been apparently rather stupid of you to think. “I have had trouble sleepin’…yeah.” you let out a long sigh.

“I ain’t workin’ ya too hard or nothin’ am I?” the sincerity in his voice warms your heart and he sees the subtle smile appear before you swing your tired eyes up to his.

“No you’re not.” you weakly shake your head. “I love workin’ here. I’d stay here all the time if I could.” the corner of your mouth raises before you take another drink.

“That sounds awful familiar Tawny.” his voice is lower, almost scolding, but you aren’t sure he means it to be. You think he just wants you to know he’s serious.

“It feels awfully familiar too.” you say, your face falling, looking into your blue and white speckled mug like it held any answers.

“Forgive me if I’m speakin’ out of turn but, I know I never asked you 'bout nothin’ that went on a home, because it weren’t my business. Hell, I guess it still ain’t now but…now’s different.” he pauses. You nod and it catches him off guard. “But it’s just you and Junior there now. There ain’t nothin’…” he leans in closer to get your attention. “Ya’ll ain’t havin’ no trouble out there or nothin’ are ya?” his voice is low again.

Oh your great protector, you swoon to yourself. You let the smile you keep for him show in a shadow of its usual self on your face.

“Nobody is givin’ me any trouble, Forrest.” you take another sip. “And what fool would with you lookin’ after me?” the smile blooms more, and he’s so thankful for its full appearance for his sake.   
—  
Instead of his usual morning, he’d been a bit busy today. He’d been busy the night before too, taking care of some unsavory business. So yeah, he was tired and more than a little cranky. What he hadn’t counted on was you picking up on it so easily.

“Here ya go, hun.” you softly, a big plate of eggs, bacon, toast, and beans is laid in front of him.

His eyes swung up to yours.

“Put that book away before you go cross-eyed and eat somethin’ please.” you say with assertiveness but not dominance. “You ain’t the only one that can tell when one of us ain’t slept.” you whisper. “You need to eat.”

You slide another plate in front of Howard. “Bless you sweetheart.” he purrs. You move to stand between them, a hand on each shoulder.

“Ain’t nothin’. I figure takin’ care of you boys is as much my job as takin’ care of the station.” you say with no sarcasm, you meant that. “We got anything I should know about on the agenda today?” you inquire sweetly, moving your face to Forrest who was finally sliding the plate in front of him and grabbing a fork.

“Nothing you should know about.” he gruffs out.

You rub Forrest back for just a few seconds, a quick back and forth to try to soothe the beast. “Boy you are cranky today aren’t you?” you huff out a laugh that Howard mirrors. “Maybe you need to go have a little cat nap at some point today, dear.” you say with the same sweet and genuine tone, shaking your head as you move back to the counter.

“She’s a real peach, ain’t she?” Howard says, stuffing a sausage link into his mouth.

“Mmm.” Forrest responds, tearing apart his toast and busting the yolk of his over easy eggs. Exactly how he liked them.

“Sure as hell can cook.” he grumbles out between bites.

A grunt and a nod. Another bite of toast as he kept his eyes on the plate.

“And take care of your grumpy ass.” he narrows his eyes at his younger brother who returns the expression, another grunt, this time of warning.

“You ain’t gonna sit here, and lie to me about how much better this place is with her here, are ya? Hell, I ain’t even seen you groan at no one since she’s shown back up.” Howard always thought Forrest had been sweet on you when ya’ll were kids, but he’d never admitted it. Least not to him anyway.

He keeps the same look of warning and groans at Howard.

“Alright smart ass.” he rolls his eyes. “But you gotta admit…it feels right…her being here don’t it? That ain’t just me? Everyone that comes in here seems to like her, that’s for sure. Certainly the prettiest thing in here.” he says with a quiet huff of a laugh.

“It’s like she never shoulda left in the first place.” he finally gruffs out.

Howard can hear the bitterness in his brother’s voice. A closed mouth smile grows across Howard’s face.

“There ya are brother. First steps admittin’ there’s a problem, ain’t it?” he says, giving his arm a solid thud of a smack to be supportive of him at least acknowledging, and finally after all these years, that he thought you should’ve stayed.


	6. Chapter 6

You'd found the routine of your new life comforting. Waking up with the sun, going to sleep with the moon, the way your muscles were tired but not tense at the end of the day. 

So on your day off, you keep this same routine. You get Junior to drive you to town, wanting to monitor how good or bad of a driver he might be. Lucky for you, at least his driving would be one less thing to worry about with the boy. He didn't fight the discipline you were trying to instill in him, sure he would get moody and groan a bit as he dragged himself to the kitchen table in the mornings, but much to your relief and delight, he seemed like a perfectly decent kid. He was enjoying the freedom he got after completing his chores, as you knew that trying to coop up a teenage boy wouldn't do nothing but backfire on you. 

You send him off with a ruffle of his brown shaggy hair, giving him a few coins and telling him to occupy himself while you went and ran your errands, but if he heard you hollering for him, that he better get to moving because it meant it was time to leave, and not to stray far. 

With your new job, you'd met most of the folks in town again at this point. Hopefully killing off any unsavory rumors but answering their nosey questions politely, trying to build a decent reputation with the town again since it seemed you were called to stay here. You got to overhear plenty of gossips, but you only banked it in your mind for later, you had no intentions on starting jawing to anyone about any of it. 

You've decided to treat yourself, and with Forrest paying you well you had the means to since savin' up for just a bit. You walk into the clothes shop, chewing your lip in thought, fingertips tracing the hangers the dresses rested on.

You pay no mind to the heavy footsteps behind you, mind lost in thoughts on cotton and linens, wondering with how modest you should be with the choice in necklines you were perusing.   
You hear a familiar sound as he clears his throat, standing just behind you. You turn and a smile spreads far and wide, up to your eyes as you see Forrest with his hat in one hand, against his chest, the other in his pocket as usual. 

"Well good mornin' Forrest." you lilt at him. He hadn't got to hear you say it this morning and he'd be lying if he said he hadn't missed it. "It is my day off isn't it?" you say with a smirk.

He grunts, looking down and hiding a smile from the eyes of the other women in the store. He nods, "'Course it is. I just saw ya and wanted to check on ya." he says with earnest that keeps the smile on your face.

"Oh, I'm fine, hun. I brought Junior into town to run some errands." you shake your head in explanation. "Wanted to finally see what they had in here. 'Spose I need to get some new dresses for workin' 'an all." 

Another nod and grunt. "Well I won't keep ya from it," he says, putting his hat back on his head. "I'll see ya in the mornin' Miss Tawny." he excuses himself with a small bow, fingers tipping his hat before he left.

"Not if I see you first." you joke with him, nose wrinkling. He side eyes you, a hum and narrowing of his eyes as he lets a subtle smile come and go as he leaves. 

You're chuckling to yourself, holding up a dress to your body in a mirror that's foggy around the edges from age. 

"Excuse me little Tawny Bell." you hear an old woman's voice. You figured she was just about one of the last folks alive that would be calling you that. Only the adults in your life as a kid did, due to your middle name being Isabella and your tendency to be yelled at by Mrs. Miller for daydreaming in class. 

"Oh hello there Mrs. Miller." you coo at her the slightly bent, ancient woman's form. 

"Hello dear," she says back with a smile, her sun-worn face wrinkling and moving her glasses a bit as she did so. "I know I ain't your teacher no more but, I was wondering if you'd let me get in your business for a moment." she says, brow furrowing.

"What about?" you say, hanging the dress back up and turning your attention to her. 

"About who you're workin' for dear."

"Oh yeah, the Bondurant boys have been real good to me since comin' back." you nod. 

"I believe ya girl but..." she shakes her head and your head tilts in question. "You've been gone for a long time Tawny Bell...those boys are...different than they used to be. Ain't the same boys they were last you left." her voice is less sweet and more warning now. 

"Well I ain't really the same girl as when I left either." you say with a smile. 

"No, no baby girl, that ain't what I mean..." you stay quiet and let her speak. "Once his parents died...Forrest changed. He had to run that whole farm, the house, the station...all on his lonesome. Now I remember you runnin' around with him when ya'll's kids but he ain't an innocent no more." your nose wrinkles in question. "The Bondurants have gotten a real reputation as outlaws since you've been gone, honey." her voice goes quieter and you're thankful.

"Outlaws?" you almost scoff but hold it in. "I know they're runnin' shine Mrs. Miller but ain't just about everyone 'round here?" you lean in closer to her.

"Oh well yeah but, they're the biggest runners 'round here. And with that sorta pull...that starts to bring attention and company from bad men that I don't want you gettin' caught up in." her head shakes. 

"I've not even heard a cross word said in that place since I got here." you say, your face showing your hesitancy to believe her. 

"I've heard things about Forrest girl. And I saw the way ya'll are lookin' at each other...same as ya did back then." A flush rises to your face. "Oh you can't hide nothing from an old woman like me baby." she laughs.

"I ain't...we ain't..." you start.

"Oh, I ain't sayin' ya are. But he ain't been with no one to my knowledge since ya'll were kids. I sure as hell ain't seen him smile at no woman." you hold back a laugh at your former teacher saying 'hell'. What you would've given to have heard such a thing back then. "And I just don't want you gettin' in over your head and gettin' hurt."

"Forrest ain't never done no wrong against me, ma'am."

"And he might never," she answers with a shake of her head. "I've just heard some tales of some dark brutality that those boys have done in the name of the business and keepin' control 'round here."

"Control?"

"Bondurants got their fingers in just 'bout anything dealin' with 'shine 'round here baby. They're legends."

You do scoff at this. "Legends? That grumpy teddy bear?" you grin. 

"And bless his heart, Howard don't seem like no genius to be called such and Jack's just a boy." you try to defend them, but not too hard. 

"It's known to not get near Howard when he's been on another binge. I can't even count on my fingers and toes put together how many men he's beaten to the point of needing to be put in the hospital."

"Oh." your lips purse in thought.

"And Forrest..." she sighs. "I've heard of things he's done with a straight razor to men who've crossed them that I won't even repeat." her eyes are wider now as well. "There's even whispers among the mountains that they're indestructible. Sayin', they can't die. Lord knows enough folks have tried."

This makes your face redden but for a different reason. Who'd tried to kill Forrest? You'd kill 'em. But then you stop to realize, he probably already had if what she was telling you was true. 

"I'm just worried about ya Tawny Bell. You were always a good girl and you seem like a mighty fine woman now and I don't want you walkin' into something blind. Don't want ya gettin' hurt is all. " her hand reaches out from her crocheted throw on her shoulders and pats your arm.

"Well I...thank you for tellin' me ma'am. Good to know I've got you on my side." you give her a sweet smile. 

"Ain't nothin' baby you just take care of yourself." he gives you a nod and slowly paces her way out of the store. 

You're left blinking at your reflection with a lot of questions. You'd seen your share of violence in your life. From Cliff in the beginning and after living in the city, hearing about the gangsters and their guns. You'd been witness to and broken apart more bar fights than you could count. Some particularly nasty. So it wasn't that the very existence of the violence offended you, you were just surprised. Forrest wouldn't even raise his voice to you.   
\-----  
By the way you get out the truck he can tell something's wrong. He stands and waits to meet your eyes when you reach the top of the steps. 

"What's wrong?" his eyes narrow, head tilting to the side to look at you.

"Junior never came home last night." you say with a heavy sigh. 

A grunt and a nod. 

"I don't know if I should be worried or not." you bite your lip and you sniff. He could tell you'd been up all night worrying. "Does Jack ever go off like that?"

"Just so happens he's not come back neither." he says with a nod, looking out across the road before turning to hold the door open for you. "Junior tell you where he's goin'?" he asks, walking behind you slowly. 

"No." you sigh and turn back to him. "He's been real good, so I was giving him some freedom. Coopin' him up wasn't gonna do him a bit of good. Maybe that was a mistake." you frown and look to the ground.

"This ain't on you Tawny." he corrects you, a stern nod before leaning in closer to you to drive the point home. "You were right on lettin' him out on his own. He ain't never gonna learn to fend for himself if ya baby him is he?" he says supportively, you look up to meet his eyes.

"That was my reasonin'," you say softly, a weak nod follows. 

"We'll give 'em a few hours alright? Then I'll send someone out to go look for 'em." he stands patiently, you looking forlorn, eyes tired and looking to the floor. "Fix us some coffee, Tawny, you've been up all night worryin'." he breaks the silence, tilting his head at you again. 

"Yes, Forrest." you say quietly, moving back behind the counter.   
\--  
That afternoon Jack wanders into the station, entirely oblivious to your worry. 

"Jack!" you call him over. "Have you seen Junior?"

"I ain't seen him since he left and was headed home this morning." he shakes his head.

"'Bout what time was that?"

"Aw, hell, 'round sunrise I suppose."

You let out a long sigh. Maybe he was just at home sleeping off a hangover. You close your eyes and hope.

"What you doin' out all night, huh?" you hear Forrest's voice as you fry up a burger behind the counter. 

"Me, Junior and Cricket's all out playing cards cross the county line." he says with a defensive tone.

"Hmmph. And where's Junior?"

"He was headed home last I saw, that's what I told Tawny just now too."

They both shoot a look over to you, but you look to Forrest. "He did yeah."

"Well since Miss Tawny has been up all night worryin' about your sorry asses you're gonna go to her house and see if Juniors there. Got it?"

"Uh-Well I actually had plans to-"

"I don't' care what plans you had," he says with absolute dominance in his voice. "You're gonna help look after that boy because Miss Tawny's got work to do. Somethin' you acting like you ain't never done a day in your life. He went missin' under your watch so you're gonna go find him." his words are slow and paced, deep and menacing. You certainly would've done what he was saying if that tone was directed at you. 

"Yes, Forrest." he mumbles, hat in hands, shuffling his feet as he left the station.

"Thank you." you say quietly, trying to keep your voice low since there were customers.

A grunt and a nod were given before he went back into his office.  
\---  
Jack comes back to the station. Junior wasn't at the house. Now you can see the same look of worry that's been in your eyes appear in Forrests. 

"Then I guess you best go back out there and find him." he orders, glaring at him before his intimidating appearance makes Jack bow.   
\--  
A man shows up the next day to the station. You can immediate;y tell he's out of place. He looks like someone from the city and when his eyes meet yours you get a shudder up your spine. 

You're out on the porch peeling apples and potatoes for supper and dessert, stuck in a position where you couldn't get away from him easily or without being obvious. 

"Heard a few people mention a boy going missing."

You say nothing, giving him no smile. "Who are you?"

"Ah. I see you are not from around here. I am special Deputy Rakes." he looks down his nose at you. "And who might you be?" your eyes narrow at him and you don't answer. You don't trust this guy. Who the fuck would've told the cops about Junior?

"You go on back inside now." you hear Forrest words, directed at you. His tone is the darkest and deepest you've ever heard it. You knew your instincts must've been right about this city slicker.

"What the hell are you doin' here?" you hear Forrest from the other side of the wall as you listen.

"I heard a boy was missing, Preachers son. Heard his guardian worked here."

"I'll ask you one more time. What the hell are you doin' here."

"I wanted to meet this Tawny Barrett I've been hearing so much about. Thought if she was shacking up here with you boys she might be someone I should know. "

"She ain't shacked up here and you ain't got no business with her so, go on, you know the way out." you hear his boots stomp on the porch. 

"So much for southern hospitality." you hear the man snark. You roll your eyes and move to look out the window at him as he leaves.

"What'd he say to you?" Forrest says quietly despite having pulled you into his office and shut the door behind him.

"He said he heard a boy was missing and introduced himself and that's it."

"And what'd you say?"

"Who are you?"

"Mmm. That it?"

"Only words I spoke." you nod in earnest at him. 

He groans and looks away from you, knowing you're telling the truth. 

"I didn't trust him the moment he got out of that shiny car. Looked like someone from the city I ain't never seen through here before so I wasn't about to talk to him." your tone is slightly defensive of yourself. 

"Alright." he nods.

"You don't believe me?"

"Nah I believe ya Tawny."

"Then what's wrong?" you ask, your tone more insistent now. 

Forrest groans. 

"Forrest, who was that."

"It ain't no business you need to worry yourself about." he dismisses you with his tone, turning his body away from yours. 

"I work here now, Forrest. I live here now. If there's somethin' goin' on with that man than I think I have the right to know."

"It ain't your place Miss Tawny." he says flatly. 

"My place?" you scoff and roll your eyes. "Sure Forrest." your eyes narrow at him, he sees that flush of red growing at the base of your throat. He knows you're mad. "If you need me I'll just be in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant since that seems to be where you think my value lies." you give him another fearless glare, shutting the door behind you in a not quiet way. 

"Shit..." he mumbles to himself before he plops down into his chair. Why couldn't he have said what he meant? It's family business and I don't want you getting hurt. Because that's what he meant. He was so used to talking to Jack about his questions that he didn't want to answer in his annoyed, short way that he'd defaulted to that mindset. He'd never mean to infer you were inherently lesser somehow. Wasn't even that he didn't trust you he just...he didn't want you to find out what he really was and leave him again. But if he didn't tell you and he kept shutting you out and unintentionally insulting you by doing so he was going to lose you anyway, wasn't he?


	7. Chapter 7

Despite it being your day off you're going to go into town and to the station, just hoping to find out something on Junior. This would make three days he's been missing and to say you were worried would have been an understatement. You felt like a failure as a mother, which is what you were being to him now, and you felt like a failure as a woman in not handling your own business. 

Forrest keeping secrets from you just pissing you off further. You'd heard Howard comment to him saying you were acting madder than a wet hen but Forrest pretended like he didn't know why. All this stress and going on over 2 days of no sleep was really dragging you down. You didn't know how much more you could take. 

You'd started out the door, setting your purse on the kitchen table before going back to your room for your necklace you'd forgotten to put on. Seemed a bit trivial but feeling like you look put together made you feel less like you were falling apart. You pad your way back up the hall, head down, fingers messing with the clasp when you see a man you don't know standing in your kitchen. You freeze.

"Excuse you?" you say with high brows, head tilted to the side. 

"You must be Cliff's pretty little daughter." he says, eyes narrowed at you. 

"I ain't Cliff's daughter." you spit out. 

"But you're in his house?"

"Ain't his house neither."

"Well we know that ain't true." he moves closer and you hold your ground.

"If you ain't his daughter then you must be his whore to be in his house   
now." The words bring bile to your throat. 

"Get the fuck out of my house." you growl at the man. He hums in amusement, standing in your personal space and trying to get a reaction out of you. 

"'Fraid I can't do that gorgeous." he coos in his gravelly voice, hand pushing your hair off your shoulder and you hide your urge to gag. "We got business little lady," he hisses, grabbing you by your hair and throwing you into the cabinets. 

You hit your forehead and turn back around only to be met with a hard slap to the face. You reach your arms out to fight back but he grabs you again, throwing you against a wall down the hallway. Your head throbs and your ears ring, you try to stand back up straight before he reaches you but he finished what you were trying to do himself. With his hand around your throat, his mouthful of rotting teeth inches from your face you sputter and cough, as he holds you to the wall with his body weight. Just like Cliff used to. It sends you into a panic as you kick and struggle, but you're already weakened from exhaustion. 

"My boss has your brother. And we're gonna keep him unless you pay the $200 Cliff owes," he whispers, mouth near your ear. "Although he won't be much help for long, probably end up killing him. All he does is cry and call out for you... Tawny." your skin crawls and if your air wasn't being cut off partially you would've fought back more. "If you don't pay by the next full moon, he will be dead. You keep that in mind." he grabs your face. "Or you'll be paying in flesh instead of paper." he whispers, shaking your face hard, other hand sliding down your ribcage to grab your waist. "You find the gamblin' house out past Burnt Chimney and get Banner his money."  
And another yank of your hair and throwing you down the hallway as you crash into your bedroom door. You stay in the floor for a moment, hand on the knob as you watch him leave the house. You hold your breath until you see the car drive down the lane and out of sight. You gasp for breath, on the verge of passing out as you fumble and open your door, the tears already coming, the sobs already racking your chest hard, you hit the floor on your hands and knees and you let out a scream that makes the birds in the trees outside your window fly away. 

You crawl into the fetal position and sob. You cry and scream until you can't, body shaking and your vision blurry. You see the droplets of blood fall from your brow and onto the floor but you could not care less. You can't do anything at all, just lay there and suffer inside your own mind.   
In the midst of the attack, it'd all triggered your memories with Cliff, happening much the same way. As you hit the same wooden boards you had all those years ago, with hands now older in your line of vision, you're also hit with the flashback of the worst night of them all. The night he'd gone to you after havin' his sick fill of your mama. Getting back at her for sticking up to what he was doing to you.   
\-------  
You wake up in the passenger seat of what used to be your daddy's car. Now, with it being rammed into a tree, you figure it wouldn't be much use anymore. You fight to open your eyes, and you've never been in so much pain. You moan and try to shift, you can't move your left arm very well, and when you try it makes you shout out in pain. You manage to eventually open your eyes and lift your head at the same time without wanting to vomit from the dizziness. You turn your head to see your mama in the driver's seat next to you. 

You don't remember getting in a car. You don't remember driving, nothing. You try to think about what you did remember last. Mama and Cliff screaming after she'd come into your room, him with his hand around your neck, holding you down to the bed as you kicked and hit at him. But his focus quickly shifted to her as he lunged and tried to make him stop. Instead, he backhands her, a nasty crack as she's moved against the wall by your bedroom door. He grabs her by the hair, cursing her for everything she's worth, dragging her with flailing fists into the hallway. You hear her fight. You hear her scream when the sound of his fist against her skin happened over and over again. You remember the sound of Junior crying and screaming from behind a closed door. You hear a crack, and a scream and then the sound of your mother's body being thrown down the stairs. 

You hear his boots stomp on the floor back towards you, as you'd moved to the doorway, taking in a sight no one should ever have to see. Your mama laying at the bottom of the stairs, neck at an unnatural angle. But you can't think about it as you see Cliff, pulling his belt out as he moves fast towards you, you try to run to jump out your window, he catches you by the ankle and you feel the belt hit you. And hit you again. The last thing you remembered was being knocked to the floor, and the shadow of his boot being raised to come down on your head. 

You start to cry and it makes everything hurt worse. You sit there, eyes screwed shut and you sob. You stay that way until someone drives by and finds you and mama. 

He'd made it look like an accident. You knew if you told anyone, that he wouldn't mess up and leave you alive next time. He'd gotten away with it.   
\--------------

You don't know how long you lay on the floor, your back to the doorway, curled up on your side, gasping and sobbing in cycles as you're overwhelmed with the thought that it was him who killed your mother. How you'd felt so utterly helpless, having to live in constant fear afterward that he'd come to finish the job he started. How he'd stolen what should have been your most carefree years from you. Instead of boys and gossip being the source of your problems, sleep deprivation and psychological scarring had been yours. 

You'd thought that the good to come of it all was you getting out of Franklin County. But with how you'd felt as soon as you'd come back and laid eyes on Forrest, you felt down in your gut that that wasn't even true. All those nights you'd almost sent the letters you'd wrote to Forrest before throwing them in the fire. All those times you'd thought you'd seen him in the city, just to feel your heart sink when it was revealed it wasn't actually him...it had all been telling you to come home. You'd let Cliff overwhelm you so completely with fear that you'd let all the signs the universe gave you and the voices in your head about wanting to come back fall on deaf ears. So now you cry for the time he'd caused you to lose. Now seeing if you weren't so selfish maybe you could've been happy, and it makes your heart break. 

You'd thought back then and even now, up until he was actually gone that him dying would fix it somehow. Make the guilt and shame leave you and you could be at peace. But it seemed to have done just to opposite. He was dead and it didn't fix a damn thing. 

Forrest pulls up in the truck, a box that had arrived at the station that morning for you. He wasn't sure what it was but he didn't like you being out here alone and he saw it as the perfect excuse to come check on you. He sees the door open, his grip tightens on the box in his hands, crumpling it slightly. It was a nice day out, you could just be airing out the house like he remembers his own mama doin' when the air was changing with the seasons. But as he sees the broken picture frame on the floor, the knocked over chair his hair stands on end.

"Tawny?!" he booms, it sounds like a growl, his chest puffed and ready to roar out again as he passes by the door to your room. His fingers slip out of the brass knuckles in his pocket, dropping to his knees at your side at the sight of you. "Tawny?" he rasps, pushing your hair off your face, a large hand on your arm.

He scares you, as you've been disassociated and cried yourself sick, just caught in a cycle of invasive thoughts about everything you'd been pushing back all these years. You lash out at him, moving fast with your back to the side of your bed, one knee bent, one with its foot landing in his side.

"Tawny," he says quietly, deep rumble of a voice calling your name making your eyes start to focus again. "You alright? Can you understand me?" he asks flatly, you've melted at his touch, shoulders now hanging low, your body splayed like a rag doll. His hand pushes back the hair from your face and you meet his eyes.

"Forrest." you manage to croak out, your throat burns from the screaming fits that had overtaken you. 

"There you are." he says, holding your face in his hand, making you look at him and checking out the damage done. "Who did this?" he asks, you can feel the anger rattle in his voice. 

"It's Junior." you rasp out, reaching to rub your throat. 

"Let's get you up, sweetheart." he grunts out, getting to his feet and effortlessly, moving you to rest on your bed. "Water. Imma get ya water." he says with a nod, hand lightly on your bicep.

You blink and he understands.

You cough and groan, stretching your neck as he sits on a chair he's pulled from your desk to right in front of you. 

"You need me to take ya to the doctor?" he asks, elbows on his knees, back straight as his eyes study you in your weakened state.

You shake your head. "Just got roughed up a bit." you whisper. 

"Who did this?" he asks again, more calmy this time. 

"A man snuck in this mornin', grabbed me, knocked me around." you wince. "Said they had Junior on account of Cliff's debts. Some men...somethin' 'bout a gamblin' house up near Burnt Chimney? Men with...Banner?" you continue to whisper and sip your water. He huffs angrily out of his nostrils."That make any sense to you?" you ask. He nods.

"Yeah." he croaks out, brow low and his eyes darting about in thought. "I'll be honest with ya Tawny this ain't good." he says, rolling his face back to you. "He tell ya how much he owed?"

"Said I had to pay $200 to get him back." you breathe out as you look at the tear in your dress. "Said they'd kill him if they ain't got it by the full moon." you sniffle. "I ain't got that kinda money, Forrest." your eyes are on the floor, tears welling up in your eyes again. 

"Now don't worry 'bout that." he reaches out and slowly places his hand on yours that rests in your lap, leaning into you closer. "You workin' for me. I told you no one is gonna mess with you while you's workin' there. I'm a man of my word."

"This ain't got nothin' to do with you Forrest," you say before another tear rolls down your cheek. Yes, it does, he thought.

"They messin' with you Tawny, they messin' with me." your eyes flutter, although it aches mighty bad to do so on your right side. You intake a sharp breath, squeezing his hand. Your heart bursts as you start to cry. The capacity for your emotions well past its limit to react normally for the day. Why was he being so kind to you? Sure you had a history together, at first you thought he was giving you the benefit of the doubt for old times sake. But now you see the emotions in his eyes are very much set in the present. Having someone look into your eyes like he was was just too much for you today. You weren't prepared to feel that sort of rush to the head no matter how stable you felt. The whirl behind your eyes as you close them makes you lean slightly to the right, his arm catching you, holding you steady. You squeeze your eyes and you think about how unfair this all feels. The weight of being shaken down by thugs hitting you again, you cry. You think about the root of these problems, Cliff. You get angry again. "You need to let me take a look at you, you're actin' a bit out of sorts." he says slowly. 

"I'm sorry Forrest." you croak out, for no reason specifically. It just felt like you should. For the state you were in, for needing his help at all. For dragging him into this somehow. Forrest holds steady as always.

"You ain't got nothin' to be sorry for." his voice sounds sweet but desperate. "That man really shook you up didn't he?" he asks, his hands hold strong to your arms. 

"No," you say, holding in a sob. "Fuckin'...Cliff." you choke out, your teeth clenched as your lips shake. "He's dead and he's still in my head." you say, your head finally falling. You were apparently going to be having this breakdown in front of Forrest. At least you knew he wouldn't tell anyone. 

"Say what you need to say. Get it out. That evil ain't doin' ya a bit of good inside ya." he says in the tone of instruction. With the verbal permission, your body purges the secret you'd carried your whole life.

"He killed mama, Forrest." you sob out, hands covering your face, as you fall forward, he catches you, your head in his chest, as his hands slowly move across your back and arms after a few moments of hesitation.

His eyes are wide, making sure he didn't shed a tear himself at your confession. He'd heard a rumor you two weren't actually in a car wreck, that at one point Cliff had been suspected of foul play. But that was just like small town cops, wasn't it? Believing the word of a hot-tempered alcoholic over the broken, flinching little girl. "He tried to kill me too." you whimper, your voice broken. 

His arms stay still around you, you can't tell in your state but he gulps noisily, licking his lips, trying to not let his emotions get the better of him. A good woman like you didn't deserve a bit of this to happen to her. He knew you could pull through it, you were one of the toughest girls he'd ever known, this just proving the thought with more certainty. "He'd do unspeakable things to me and mama. And after tell me everything was my fault. My daddy dyin', him hittin' mama, the things he'd do to us that..." you stop and he hears you take a deep hoarse breath. "If the devil ain't got it in him to give that man a fittin' punishment I sure as hell do." you say through clenched teeth, your small hands digging into his as they squoze back. 

That anger behind your eyes he knew too well. You were using it in much the same way he did, it seemed. Taking it and using it for a purpose besides eating you up inside. He admired your endurance to carry this all these years alone. Everything made perfect sense now. He felt guilty for a moment, for being so selfish in his anger and hurt about you leaving. "I hope he's rottin' in hell." you say, sitting up a bit straighter, wiping your face and calming yourself. 

"And you still came back, after all, that?" he whispers, completely impressed by your dedication to your brother. Who seems to be an innocent among this sinful story. 

"For Junior. Ain't none of that his fault, he's still half mama afterall," you say with a sniffle, using your apron to dab at your face, splotches of red appear across the worn beige fabric. "I never did feel at home in the city anyway. I think it was an excuse to come back. See if I actually missed it or if I was just getting lonely and homesick." you shrug. Someone else knew and that was enough to ease your mind long enough to work through this. You could keep moving with the weight shared by someone else, even if it was something like this. "Maybe a dark part of me wanted to be there here when he died. Thought it might help that pain die if he did." 

His eyebrows raise at your admission of this dark thought. He wasn't going to pass judgment on it, he understood those dark feelings too, after all. You both had that survivors instinct in you. 

He nods, giving you an "Mmm Hmm" of understanding. Right about now he felt like a real piece of shit for not telling you about Deputy Rakes. For thinking you couldn't handle knowing about his business. He see's now that he was wrong. "Can you do something for me Tawny?" he asks so softly, separating the two of you slightly, taking the unmarked side of your face in his big hand. Your eyes flutter shut at the touch and lean into it, his heart throbs. 

"I'll try." you rasp out.

"I want you to get some stuff together. You're gonna come stay at the station until we get this taken care of." he isn't demanding it, but you had a feeling he wouldn't take no for an answer even if you'd wanted to turn it down. 

You nod and whimper again, soft skin of your face rubbing against the coarseness of his calloused hands. "I can do that." you whisper and open your eyes and look into his. "I'll need your help though, Forrest." your eyes look just like a kitten's.

How long had he waited for you to tell him that? All those nights as kids, you crying your eyes out when they were too young to know such pain. He'd just wanted to help you. That's all he'd ever wanted to do. "Of course I'll help you. Don't be silly, now." you give him a weak smile that causes you to wince, his heart thuds hard against his ribs. "You don't even have to ask me that, sweetheart. You should know by now I'll always help ya." you let out a huff that was part sob and part laugh. 

You wrap your arms around his neck and he commands his hands to find their natural place on your back. He closes his eyes as you let out a ragged breath against him.

"Thank you, Forrest." you whisper as you try to not start crying again, burying your face in his shoulder. He holds still, holding up your weight as long as you need him to. His face turns just slightly into your hair, his brow furrowing at the pain it brings to his chest to do such a thing. He feels a shaky breath in your chest against his, feels the warmth of your skin against his neck, the dampness from your tears on his shirt. He'd longed to hold you like this for so long. To help you carry that previously unexplained pain. He couldn't have helped you then like he could now, but he planned on doing everything he could to make up for lost time.


	8. Chapter 8

You've closed up the station early, it was near dark outside and you felt the nervousness sitting in your gut. You hear the boys move around upstairs, your fingers fuss with a loose thread on your apron. Your sigh seems too loud in the off silence of the station, it always felt strange without people in it, like the place wasn't supposed to ever be empty. 

You see Jack come down first, going behind the counter to pull out a mason jar of shine, grunting as he opens it. Howard's tall frame is following Forrest's shorter, broader one as usual. 

"Go get the truck ready Howard, send Cricket in, now," he says with a point of his finger and a nod of his head. He moves next to you, your hands clasped in your lap, eyes looking up at him as he studies your worried expression. He didn't want you to be but he couldn't tell you it wasn't warranted. He pulls a small pistol from behind him, lifting up his cardigan for a moment to retrieve it. "You know how to use one of these Tawny?" he asks, holding it out in an open palm to you. 

You take it from his hands. "Don't insult me, Forrest." you say with an odd smile, taking it and clicking it open, checking to see if it was loaded and it was. You snap it back shut and meet his eyes, a nod and grunt follow. He should've known you'd be able to handle yourself. Even if you did paint your nails, curl your hair and wear pretty things now, he could tell you were still that same scrappy little girl you always were. 

Cricket limps into the station, questioning eyes on Forrest. "You wanted me in here?" he asks, his head tilted slightly. 

"Imma need ya to keep Miss Tawny here company while we're out." he gives a stern nod and Cricket looks over to you. "I don't suspect ya'll'll have any trouble but I don't want nothin' happenin' to her, so you keep an eye out and keep her back, alright?" 

"Alright." he agrees with a series of short nods and wide eyes, moving to sit at a table across from where you sat. 

"We'll be back late." he says in a quieter voice, turning to you, his back to everyone else. "I'll take care of this, alright?" he says, lowering his face closer to yours, making sure you looked him in the eyes. "Not to worry ya, but you might want to get things set up in case he's hurt." his eyes are more kind now, he really didn't want to worry you, but he also knew you deserved to be prepared and know what he really thought. There wasn't any reason to hide these sorts of things from you any longer, whether he'd wanted you to or not you were now a part of it. "We're all three gonna go down and get him back."

"All three?" you hear Jack sputter out some shine.

"You heard me," he says sternly, turning his head to him. "You wanted in this racket, and you were the one who was with him when he went missin' so it's high time you started helpin' to clean up this mess you helped make." his brow is heavy again, his posture still leaned in towards you. 

"Yeah." he nods with wide eyes, not expecting to be coming with them, clearly. "Yeah, Forrest I'll help. I will. I'll-"

"Shut up and c'mon on now, Jack." Howard says, giving him a slap to the back. 

"We'll bring him back." his voice goes low again after watching his brothers head out to the truck. "Don't you worry too much now." he orders, his tone far harsher than the look he was giving you. 

"I know you will, Forrest." you say with a sigh. "Thank you for doin' this." your voice is almost a whisper.

"You don't have to keep thankin' me Tawny, I told you that." his voice is low but not aggressive.

"I just want you to know how much it means to me is all." you shake your head and look down at your hands. "I won't say it no more about it." you look back up into his eyes, wide and honest that told him how much it meant without words. "I'll be here waitin' on ya." you say with a small smile, it was uncertain but you felt you needed to show solidarity and thankfulness for what he was doing for you. 

"That's thanks enough." he says softly, nodding, his gaze burning into yours. 

He saunters out the door, you stand and watch them disappear down the road in a cloud of dust. You lock the door and turn back to move to the counter. 

"I need a drink if I have to be some damn woman in waiting here tonight." you declare as you take a jar from under the counter, moving to sit at the same table as cricket. 

The boy gives a small laugh and quirky smile. 

"You want some hun? It's the good apple kind." you push the jar across the table towards him.

"Thanks, Miss Tawny." he says with a grin, taking a swig with both hands on the jar. 

"Oh sweetie don't' call me that." you laugh. "Just Tawny is perfectly fine." you shake your head. "You know how Forrest can be with formalities." you roll your eyes and take the jar as he pushes it across to you. 

"Yeah, he don't leave too much room for messin' around 'round here." his lips pursed in amusement.

"No, he does not. He's a good man but he can come off a bit like a stick in the mud if you don't know him well."

"You know him well? You ain't been here too long."

"We grew up together, actually."

"Oh, well that makes much more sense." he looks away and nods.

"What does, hun?" you give a quick nod to his observation.

"Well, I ain't never seen him talk to a woman the way he does you." he realizes what he's implied and his eyes go wide. "I don't mean nothin' by that! I just never saw him take so quickly to anyone, and never seen him get close to a woman before. If you don't mind me sayin'." his voice is quieter and you can see he's clearly worried that he's offended you.

"I take no offense." you blink slowly and shake your head. "We've known each other a very long time, we were close when we were kids so I suppose that's why he seems comfortable with me."

"Yeah...'spose that must be it." he has a funny little smile that your mirror.

Neither of you says it, but perhaps both of you knew that wasn't the whole truth. Cricket was a really smart kid, afterall.  
\--------------  
It's much later than you expected when you hear the car pull into the parking lot. You see the lights bounce in from your window in your new bedroom upstairs at the opposite end of the landing as Forrest's. You hadn't had much to bring with you from the house, so the room was pretty bare bones, within it empty wooden walls, a bed with a frame and a dresser. You'd brought an empty jar upstairs to make a vase out of, the flowers did help liven up the room. You'd also found leftover fabric in one of the trunks in a closet and quickly fabricated some curtains for your window. It was cleaner and safer than your tiny apartment in the city, and it was certainly better than still being in that damned house. 

Your feet move quickly, you hear Cricket slowly making his way down the stairs behind you. There's a lump in your throat as you see the shadowy figures moving into the station. Jack has Junior by the arm, leading him in. He doesn't look good. He's clearly been beaten up, his face bloody and gaunt, form hunched and the brightness gone from his eyes that you were so fond of. You run a rag under the faucet and wring it out before you head towards him. He groans as Jack helps him sit in a chair. You bring the box of medical supplies to the table, rushing over to him, a gentle hand to his head, fingers under his chin to raise his face.

"I'm sorry T-" his voice is so weak and haggard.

"Shhhh, baby don't talk. Everything's fine now." you coo at him, your face trying to read warm and kind, as you suspect that's what he needed after the few days he's had. Howard comes in first, scrapes and bloodied knuckles, a tear in his shirt but besides some scratches and cuts, he wasn't too hurt. You turn back to Junior, warm cloth on his face that makes him groan, you gently dab and wipe at the dried blood on his face and hair. 

"Howard are you okay?" you ask, not looking back towards him.

"I've had worse." he grumbles out.

"Would you mind bringing me a bowl of the stew on the stove please?" you ask sweetly.

"'Course Tawny." he says with a nod.

"I bet you haven't eaten..." you whisper, your face frowning as the boys eyes close and let you take control. "Glass of water too please, Howard." you swing your head back to look at him behind the bar, he nods and as you turn your head to the doorway Forrest appears.

It was clear he'd taken the brunt of the action. A bloody and torn cardigan, a bruise forming on his cheekbone with a brow busted to match. 

"Forrest," you whisper out, your eyes looking like a doe's as he meets them hesitantly. He doesn't respond, just slowly moves to the bar and sits. "Are you okay Forrest?" you ask, your face back to Junior, still being in the worst shape by a landslide. You shush the boy as he whimpers as you finish cleaning his face, taking off his coat to look for further injury.

He groans first in response, and after hearing your angry huff he chooses to speak. "Don't worry about me." he says defensively. So he was hurt. 

"Someone's got to." you say under your breath, opening the kit and cleaning Junior's wounds. Howard sits a glass and bowl on the table next to you. "Thank you, hun." he gives a nod of acknowledgment, sitting down on the other side of the table. "You feel up to eating sweetie?" you speak softly to the moaning boy. 

"I'm dizzy but I'm starvin'." he says, nostrils twitching as they pick up the smell of food. 

"Then you definitely need to eat," you say softly. "Can you manage on your own?" you ask sincerely.

"Yeah." he says with a cough followed by a groan.

"Get that in ya and you'll feel a lot better. I'll finish with these cuts and I'll draw you a bath, alright?"

"Thank you." he says weakly, spoon shaking in his hand as he blew on the hot liquid. 

"You need me to look after you?" you look to Howard after Junior ate and headed off with Jack's help to the hot bath you'd worked up for him. 

"Nah I got all I need right here." he says, jar in hand, standing. "Seein' as the boys fine, I'm going the fuck to bed." he gives you a solid nod and you return it. 

"Thank you Howard. Get some sleep." you pat his back as he passes, he gives a warm accepting noise of appreciation for your kind words. You walk over to the counter next to Forrest, leaning on your elbow facing him. He's sipping away at some soup, having already put the rest away, you notice. "Want I should see to you too?" you ask, looking over at him from under your brow. 

His faces turns towards yours, you see the wince and you don't give him a choice. "Nah I don-" he lets out an exhausted sigh as he sees you move quickly and set the box next to him on the bar. He'd figured you wouldn't have left him with any real choice in the matter. 

"Yes you do," you state plainly. Moving to the other side of the bar. "You finish that soup and I'm doctorin' you up too." you inform him. 

He nods and grunts. He certainly wasn't going to fight you on it. 

You're washing his brass knuckles off in the sink as Jack appears down the stairs. "I got him in my bed, he's fast asleep already. I got a pallet made up in the floor for the time bein'." he gives you an apologetic nod.

"Thank you for helping me with him Jack." you say sweetly, giving him a small smile. 

"Ya'll need me? Or can I go on up to bed too?" the question was really directed at Forrest and not you.

"Go on now, Jack. That boy needs anything you see to it, yeah?" his eyes aren't anywhere near as kind as yours were to him. 

"I got it, Forrest." he says with lowered eyes, moving back up the stairs.

"Let me get this off of ya, hun." you say quietly, fingers slipping into the neck of Forrest's cardigan as he tries to hide his signs of pain as you peel it off his arms. The touch makes him stiffen, jaw clench and ache in it's slightly offset and swollen state. "I'll soak this overnight. Should be able to get the blood out. I'll sew it up tomorrow for ya." you take it and set it in a bucket, filling it with hot water and cleaner. "You wear this thing all the time, I'd hate to see ya have to throw it out." you say pretty much to yourself as you're knelt in the floor, mixing and sealing the bucket before sliding it under the bar and out of sight. 

He watches you, your face is indifferent, focused on the tasks at hand. He wasn't used to having someone take care of him. He was always the one doing that for everyone else, leaving only himself to tend to his needs. It felt strange, having someone around to help him personally. You stand on the other side of the bar, opposite of him, looking him over while you chew the inside of your cheek at his injuries. The spoon hits the empty bowl with a clatter, you waste no time setting it in the sink and moving around to him. You place your hand on his back gently, "Come sit at the table Forrest, I can get to ya easier there." As you see your hands looking so small against the expanse of his shoulders, you know you'll have to soak this shirt as well. 

He only grunts in response, sitting in the chair next to you. You scoot it closer, knees touching knees as you take another warm washcloth and pat at his face. His eyes are on the floor, hands together in his lap as you gently brush back on his face, one hand cupping his cheek to hold him steady. 

"Looks like you took most of the punishment out there tonight," you say quietly, no judgment or blame placed on him in your tone, just observational to break the silence. He looks up at your face, eyes moving over his, head nodding frequently as you move back and forth from the turpentine bottle and his wounds. "Seems that's a role you take on frequently 'round here." with this, your tone shifts, something sadder as your eyes suddenly move to his, seeing he'd been watching you. 

His eyes flutter and his nose twitches. You sigh heavily, wiping off your fingers, staining the washcloth with blood red from the tonic. "I'm..." your shoulders slump, wringing your own fingers for a moment. "I'm sorry, Forrest." you whisper, finally looking back up and your hand, behaving as if it were heavier now, moves to the table to reach for the dropper of medicine. Your delicate hands, touch his face without hesitation. 

"For what?" he finally asks, brow furrowing.

You sigh again, your face falling, eyes not hiding the sadness behind them now, his chin moves back in observation, wondering what he'd done to upset you. "I.." you shake your head. "I don't rightly know." your voice is soft, lips puckering to blow on his split brow. 

"Tawny." his voice is deep and rumbling, you know he means to ask you the same question again to hear an answer.

"Coming back here. Seeing how everyone's changed has just brought up a lot of feelings I suppose." your lips purse, you tighten the lid on the bottle, you move to put everything back into the metal box. "Guess it really comes down to... I wish you hadn't had it so hard after I left." he sees you swallow hard, his mouth frowns slightly despite how it hurts slightly to do so. 

"That ain't got nothin' to do with you, Tawny." he says in a matching softness you'd been using with him, assuring no one would hear your conversation.

"If I hadn't been so caught up in my own problems maybe I would've stayed and I could've helped somehow."

"No point in talkin' 'bout what if's." he tries to be comforting.

"I know." you shake your head again, eyes on your hands in your lap. "And I know life ain't fair, lord knows I know that better than most." you huff out a laugh. "But I can't help but wish life had been fairer to you in my absence."

Your words, taking him in deep consideration makes his chest ache slightly. 

"You were always such a good boy, Forrest." your eyes move back to his.   
"And I see now you're a good man. A hard man, sure but life'll make you calloused in such a way when you have to survive. I don't hold it against you or nothin' I just..." you sigh and your eyes become noticeably watery. 

"I wish you didn't feel the need to be so self-reliant." the corner of your mouth pulls back, trying to give him something besides a sad expression. 

"I had to be."

"I know, I know." you nod, your lips tucking into your mouth before you chew the bottom one. "All the excitement must be gettin' to me." you nod.  
"I'll just have to take respite in knowin' I'm here now...and I can't make up for leavin' but I can help you now." your brow raises slightly, your eyes wide and honest and taking the words from his mouth and the breath from his chest. You really did care about him. "And that's what I intend to do." you give a stern nod, your posture straightening. 

"You had your reasons for leaving. You don't have anything to make up for."

"Well if you're going to be a saint and not hold my past against me then I'll just be making up for what you do for me in the present." you give him a small smile, you take his scraped but now clean hand in yours, you know you might be crossing a line, as you can see his jaw tense but you let your thumb rub back and forth on the back of his big hand. "You've done so much for me in the short time I've been back." your eyes stay on his hands, afraid you might well up more if you look into his eyes. "Little things like takin' me to town...to looking after me when no one else does." you give a happier sounding sigh and he's thankful for the sound. "To hiring me and gettin' me the hell out of that house." your eyes flutter up to his, he'd been looking over your face and wondering how to stop that sadness just the same as he always had. "To tonight." you huff out a small noise of disbelief at your situation. "I really don't know what I'd do without you, Forrest." your eyes are painfully honest. You wet your lips, the bottom popping out, almost bouncing before you start to chew it in nervousness again. 

"I told ya as long as you're here ain't nobody messin' with ya, Tawny." he reassures you, swallowing hard and trying to not let your outpouring of sweet and genuine words fluster him too much. "I mean that." he nods. 

"Yeah and you don't have to do that for me." you give a wider smile. "I know you get sidetracked with the essential, so-called evil you have to do to keep everyone safe, but you do it all from the right place." one hand moves to his chest over his heart. "Runnin' head first into danger for me." the smile stays, your hand retreating back to his. "Paying that money I could never afford to get my brother back..." you make an audible sound as you gulp again, pushing back tears. "A debt left by that piece of shit Cliff." you roll your eyes. "I can't thank you enough."

"Same as you, I look after my own." his face leans in closer to yours, still strong and soft, a mixture you'd never seen in a man before. "No thanks needed when it comes to you Tawny." his head shakes just slightly, you feel his hand grip yours back. 

"You're the only man that's ever treated me like he truly cares. Back when we's kids and now. Even if the problems I have now are bigger than the ones I had then." you smile sweetly at him, his eyes narrow, taking in your beautiful face. 

"You're helping me with mine too." he gives in defense of his actions.   
"Problems are bigger but...seein' as I do care, I don't intend on there bein' a time where I wouldn't help you with 'em." your eyes meet, the hold stays. He did care about you. 

"I don't see a time I wouldn't help you with yours either." the corner of your mouth pulls back in a smile, your eyes happier now. "Seein' as I care about you too." His eyes grow wider, realizing what he'd said, and you being the smart and observant woman you were, heard his true meaning in his words. You didn't mean to fluster the man, you could feel his surprise and hesitancy in the way his hand twitched against yours so you let him go, placing his hand back on his leg. "And for that reason...I insist you get some rest." you with kind eyes he looks away from, face feeling like it was burning. 

A grunt and a nod in response. 

You've put away the kit, he's idling at the bottom of the stairs, having checked the doors and shut off the lights, just waiting to escort you to your room. He bows his head and moves his hand out to let you go first.

"Always a gentleman." you tease him, giving him a closed mouth smile that was full of amusement for him. 

He stands before you in your doorway, holding your door open for you as you enter the room. You tun back to him, a smile on your face, his more hesitant but still warm. 

"Goodnight Tawny." he whispers, trying not to wake the others. 

You can't help but give him one last look over before you separate. Your big, bad, guard dog with a heart of gold and fists of brass. You put your hand to his cheek, moving his face gently one last time. "We'll get some ice on ya in the mornin' and these bruises'll fade fast. Ya big tough guy." you beam up at him, and even with the only light being from the moon coming in your window he can see it. You tiptoe up, guiding his face with your hand, kissing his cheek. Not particularly caring if it was inappropriate or not. You wanted to let him know how much you cared about him, how sweet you thought he was. Show him he deserved to have someone to take care of him. "Goodnight Forrest." you whisper, pulling away from him, backing up towards the bed. 

A grunt and nod in response as he shuts the door behind him, a lingering glance you miss as you're already moving to your dresser.


	9. Chapter 9

Juniors youth works in his favor, within a week he's on his feet and smiling again. Sure the bruises are still there, but you'd taken great care of him and nursed him back to health. You'd brought him clothes from home and decided to bring the record player as well. You and Jack switch responsibilities with Junior taking their bed, Jack was super apologetic and asking if you needed anything multiple times a day. You didn't know if this was of his own doing or if Forrest had threatened him if he didn't help you take care of Junior.

So the day comes when you pack up Junior's things, you have the suitcase on your bed, and it hits you that it's time for you to leave as well. As you push your weight onto the top of the hard case, it snaps shut and you're left with a hanging head, looking down at your hands and the tears start. You had to go back to that house. God dammit you didn't want to go back to that house. You couldn't keep putting Jack and everyone out like this, Junior needed looking after and you'd just have to swallow your selfishness and go take care of him. You promised yourself you'd put him before you because that's what a guardian should do and you were determined not to fail him like you'd been failed before. 

So you decide to just let it out. You sit on the bed with your head in your hands, shoulders softly shaking as the sobs came and went. You thought you were being quiet, but not quiet enough for Forrest not to hear you. He stands outside your door and listens, eyes shifted to the side, staring into the wooden door as if he could see through it. He's certain without a doubt you're crying and he couldn't very well leave you like that. So he knocks on the door. 

"Yeah?" you say weakly, wiping your face and straightening your posture.

"Tawny?" you'd recognize his voice anywhere and you let your shoulders slump. 

"Come in, Forrest." you sigh out, your hands sitting on either side of you on the bed. 

He peaks his head in first and you don't meet his eyes, your face looks tired and worried, clearly red and damp from crying. He moves slowly as if he might frighten you and you might bolt. He closes the door behind him, quietly, standing a few feet away, hands into his cardigan pockets.   
"You wanna tell me what's wrong?" his voice isn't sweet exactly, but it isn't unkind. More as if he was trying to get you to tell him without demanding it. 

You let out a heavy sigh, your brow furrowing, eyes slowly blinking underneath them. You open your mouth but only another noisy breath comes out. He sees you'd been packing Junior's things, the suitcase still on your bed so he assumes you're upset about something to do with him.

"How about this?" he says in a lighter tone, trying to remember he was speaking to a woman and not one of his insensitive brothers. He sits next to you on your bed, mirroring your posture, his elbows on his knees and looking at the same spot in the floor you were. "Are you upset about something that I can help ya with?" his face turns slightly towards yours, eyes not looking at you yet, his voice evenly paced and calm. 

You nod and turn your face towards his, he takes the cue and meets your eyes. 

"Then what's wrong Tawny? Hmmm?" his lips purse just slightly, eyes looking over your body language, eyes blinking slowly under his heavy brow, eyes reading calm and caring which is exactly what you needed. 

"Junior's better so we've got to go back to the house now." your eyes leave his, looking away, your face still in the same position, only your eyes move. 

"Mmm." he's a patient man, he waits and makes you say what you mean. This is also something that you needed. Not something you wanted, exactly but you were so used to hiding your wants and needs that expressing them was sometimes difficult. So you clench your jaw and breathe deep. Just say what you mean.

"I don't want to live in that house." you shake your head and meet his eyes. There was the girl he knew, the one with fire in her eyes. "I've felt better being here this past week than I have in I don't know when." you let out a small huff of a laugh, both at how happy you'd been and how pathetic you felt about the lack of happiness that had existed in your life. "I was packing his things, realized I had to go back and started crying because I don't want to." your voice is strong agan, your face expressive as you shake it in earnest.

"Then don't go back." his answer was immediate and his tone obvious.

"Stay here?" you tone was still questioning.

"Mmmm." he grunts and nods.

"What about Junior? I like the kid but I can't share a bed with a teenage boy. That's just...all wrong." your lips purse and your nose wrinkles. 

A corner of his mouth pulls back at your response, finding it funny. You hadn't meant it that way but his expression lightens your mood, realizing what you said was a little bit funny. 

"I got an idea on that." he gives one solid nod, sitting back up straight and you follow his lead. "Ain't no reason all that work you did on fixin' up that house should go to waste." he frowns and shakes his head. "Jack's been stayin' out more 'n more...wanting to let off the leash a bit." he shrugs his shoulders. "I know you don't wanna baby Junior too much, so how's about...with your permission of course, we let them live in the house?" he turns back to you, brows higher than they were, face still calm but now inquisitive. 

Your eyes move around the room for a moment in thought, eventually moving back to his. "I'll agree." you nod a few times before raising your chin to emphasize your words, "But only because I know you'll put the fear in that brother of yours so he'll behave." the corner of your mouth draws back slightly in a smile. You knew he would do it anyway, but you thought he might find it funny, and he did.

A closed-lip smile, something you tried to make him give up on a daily basis to you warms you deep into your stomach as it appears on his face.  
"Mmm." he nods, looking away and sucking his teeth to hide his amusement. 

"Yeah I thought I's right." you give him a warm smile and a nod. 

"More often than I'd like you tellin' folks." the smile stays, but his eyes return to you. 

"Oh, who've I got to tell?" you shrug and the smiles stay on your faces, the eye contact going a bit too long for both of you, you bite your lip and look away. "So I can stay here with you then?"

"Tawny, I'd honestly forgotten I hadn't told you that you could stay." Your heart thumps in your chest, a much more affectionate smile for him on your face. 

"Well you've just gone and made me feel foolish." you give a soft little laugh that makes his eyes crinkle at the edges and go soft. 

"Nah, don't talk like that now." he shakes his head at you. "You're just gonna have to learn that all you gotta do is ask when you want somethin'. Mmm?" his head tilts forward towards yours. 

"Yeah I'll work on that." you give a single nod and shy smile. "Seein' as I'm stayin' here I suppose I'll have to. I'm sure bein' around you more'll help. You won't let me get away with it." you let out another small laugh, the same feeling warms in his chest. 

"See? Learnin' already." he smirks, a single confident nod sent your way.   
\-------  
Two weeks pass, you go and check on the boys almost every day anyway, you can't help but worry after what had happened. You'd only go to drop off food or supplies or clothes you bought for Junior. The place was usually a mess, but once they'd heard your pointed finger lectures about keeping the place looking nice, adding in that no girls would ever want a pig for a husband, they started cleaning up after themselves. You were more worried about rats and bugs to be honest, but if you want a young man's attention just threaten him with something to do about girls. Junior was working at the general store in town, you'd check in with the owner to make sure he was behaving himself and so far he had been. Seems Forrest was right with this idea he'd had. But of course, he was. He had yet to lead you in the wrong direction.

One early morning the Sheriff comes by the station, you knew him and he knew you at this point, you're wiping your hands on your apron as you open up the front door when you see him leave his car, far too early for his usual business. You show a stone face, learning from Forrest's cues about appearing hard to law enforcement, even if they were local, which certainly wasn't a problem for you, you'd never trusted them. You knew to watch out for the out of town ones the most, that Rakes and the men he'd brought, but luckily for you, it was just Pete this morning.

"Mornin' Ms. Barrett." he takes his hat off as he rounds the car. "I believe I got somethin' that belongs to you." he says with an amused laugh, opening the back door of his car. He leads out a clearly very hungover Junior, Jack appearing around the corner of the car. 

"Oh hell, Sheriff, what'd these heathens get into now?" you sigh and shake your head, you made sure your disappointment was clear on your face. 

"Oh they just got in a little over their heads, Ms. Barrett. Just some boys bein' boys. Ain't nothin' charged on 'em." he shakes his head, following behind the boys. You give a mean glare to Junior especially, smacking them both with the towel in your hands as they pass you. 

"Thank you for bringin' 'em to me." you say with a sigh. 

"Ain't no problem. I was brought home to my mama much the same once or twice." he gives you a nod and a friendly wink.

You give a polite smile, a nod in return and move swiftly back inside. 

"Miss Tawny I-"

"Shut up Jack." you say sharply, pointing a finger at him. "Go back up to your old room. I'm sure you'll need your damn rest for what Forrest's gonna say to ya 'bout this."

He slumps like a scolded puppy, tucking his tail between his legs and doing as you say.

Junior just looks at you, clearly sick and even more afraid. "You." you take a deep breath. "You go to my room and sleep that shit off. I want you stone cold sober for when I give you an ear full about this."

"Yes Ma'am." he says in a whisper. Two scolded pups waddle up the stairs. 

"You remind me of mama sometimes you know that?" Howard says, having come in behind you. "She'd make us sober up before she yelled at us too." he grins and lets out a chuckle.

"I'll take that as a compliment." you say with a much warmer expression.

"You should." he gives a stern nod, patting your arm on his way past you.  
\------  
Forrest finishes giving Jack a lecture about earning his freedom and being responsible. He isn't light-handed about it. He makes sure he knows that if he embarrasses himself, the family name or you by being a bad influence on Junior he'd have him right back at the station again. 

He heads up the stairs, to check on you, make sure you weren't upset, but he hears you growling at Junior instead, and of course he can't help but overhear. 

"I will have you pull a bed right next to mine and stay here with me every damn night if you think you can act like this. I've been nice, I've given you your freedom to make your own choices, somethin' I never fuckin' got and what do you do? The god damn Sheriff brings your mangy ass here, where anyone could've seen, so now I get to be known for not keepin' my house in order because my little brother, who I'm supposed to be raisin' to be respectable, goes out and gets fuckin' drunk as a skunk and makes a bad name for BOTH of us. If you don't think I'll put up with watchin' you like a damn hawk and never lettin' you so much as take a piss without me bein' there to witness it, you're sorely wrong little boy."

"I'm sorry." he whimpers out.

"I know you're fuckin' sorry. Sorry, no count little pup who's gotten too big for his breeches. That's what this behavior tells me."

Silence from Junior. Because no one's around, Forrest smiles at your words. There was little Tawny Bell. There's the girl that punched Michael Goggin's in the nose for talking bad about her mama. He couldn't have been happier to have her back.   
\--------  
It's late and you and the brothers are cleaning up at the end of the night. Forrest had Jack working more at the station since his little incident with being brought home by the Sheriff. With the combination of you and Forrest breathing down the boy's necks, they were behaving. You'd went over to the house and found it almost spotless except for some dirty dishes in the sink. It didn't look like a pig sty and somehow, with two young men, it didn't smell like one. You were hoping you'd made your point and that it would stick. 

"Here ya go, Miss Tawny." Forrest takes the cap off a jar, taking a drink before he slides it to you across the bar.

"I don't drink on the clock boss." you say with a laugh. 

"Hell, ya ain't on the clock no more. You earned it dealin' with the rush the races brought our way today." he nudges the glass back to you again.

"What am I gonna do? Say no to you?" you laugh and take a big sip, breathing out loudly at the burn. "Oh! That's the good apple kind."

"I remember you bein' fond of it back in the day." Howard grins.

"Fond of it now." you smile, putting the towel you were wiping the counters down with across the countertop for the last time for the day.   
More than a few drinks had by all of you, you find yourself winning against the boys in a card game. Music is playing in the background from a radio, even Forrest cracked a few smiles when you'd beat Howard and he'd start swearing at you as politely as possible. You stay up late, you share stories, you even dance a little by yourself on the way back and forth from the kitchen to the table, spinning and falling into the chair gracefully, feet pointed and kicked out in your little shiny heels, soft fabric of your dress swirling around your calves. Forrest didn't care if Howard saw him looking at you, not really. And boy was he looking at you tonight. With Jack gone, still scared straight and making sure Junior was at home, you were left with the brothers and everything felt right. Howard was making fun of you just the same as he used to, Forrest would get caught looking at you when you'd be making glances at him. Howard doesn't pay much attention, knows it's none of his business but he can't help but silently hope that the two of you would do more than make eyes at each other. You were both good to him, he thought you deserved to be happy, and it certainly seemed like you made each other exactly that. You felt warm and content for the first time in your adult life and it wasn't just because of the brandy.   
\------  
You're writing the menu up on the chalkboard before you get a meal rush in, holding your hand on a table to steady yourself on your tiptoes in your heels, arm raised high to reach the very top.

"Ohhhh, Miss Tawny!" you hear Howard whistle from the doorway, you turn towards him with a confused and cautious look on your face.   
Forrest hears his arrival and you can see him watching Howard saunter in, still drunk. 

"You lookin' prettier every time I see you girl." he says with a big grin and a shake of his head. Forrest rises from his chair in his office and moves into the open space of the station. 

"You're drunk, Howard." your words are only statements of fact, no judgment in them for him. He'd been in a war and a sole survivor of his peers there and you didn't blame him for drinking so much. 

"Pbbffttt. I'm always drunk," he says with a swing of his arm in defense of his words. He sees Forrest moving towards him, jaw tight. "Mornin' Forrest." he says cheerfully.

"Howard." he gives him a nod, tone not exactly threatening yet. 

"Don't she look just like some movie star dressed like that?" he asks him, chin shaking back and forth, searching for an agreement. "Hair all curled, painted like a little doll." he moves his eyes back to you. "Is that...that...silk?" he asks, talking about your blouse.

You can see how uncomfortable Forrest is so you try to defuse the situation. "Satin actually. I ordered it out of a catalog, I thought it was real nice too." you agree with him with a polite smile. Your varnished nails pick at each other in front of you. The green blouse is tucked into a form-fitting, knee-length black pencil skirt, your usual low heeled shiny black shoes over your stocking covered feet. 

"And that smile..." he blinks slowly, almost dreamily at you but you still don't feel threatened. "That smile could just warm the heart of even the coldest man." he swings his face back to his brother. "Couldn't it Forrest?" he asks with a smug grin.

You see Forrest's nose twitch at the insinuation. Had he had similar thoughts to his brother when you'd come down the stairs this morning? Well, sure he had but he kept them to himself. His first thought specifically was once again wondering how you always managed to find the right shade of green to match your eyes. He see's the flush across your face at Howard's words so he buries his own blush and decides to reel him in.

"C'mon now Howard, leave Miss Tawny alone, now."

"Oh I ain't botherin' her. Just tellin' her how pretty she looks. Someone should around here." he says, eyes narrowing at Forrest whose nostrils flare and lips purse at Howard's words. 

"Howard." the name said with weight to the deep tone.

"I'm goin'." he groans, walking towards the stairs. "You do look mighty lovely today though Miss Tawny." he tips his hat at you as he passes.

"Thank you Howard." you say with a quiet laugh. 

"See how easy that was Forrest?" he shouts as he stomps up the stairs.

You hold in a laugh, but you can see there is no laugh to be had in Forrest's face. only embarrassment and annoyance. His eyes shift to you, face still towards the stairs. He gives you the 'ol nod a grunt after clearing his throat and heads back into his office.


	10. Chapter 10

He'd heard you up before him this morning, the patter of your small feet against the wooden floors of your bedroom. You had your window opened, curtain still covering it as you slipped off your gown and into only your dressing robe. You welcome the cool chill that autumn is bringing as the wind whips across your bare skin, shivering you awake and bringing a flush to your face. You hear Forrest moving around a bit before his heavy feet descend the stairs. Seeing as no one else was up yet, and it being too early for customers you put your record player on. You pin up your hair, giving yourself a long look in the mirror at your naked form as you toss the robe onto the bed. You move over to the basin on the vanity that you now have in your room, the quiet splashing of water as you sink and wring the soft washcloth. You start with your face, working down to cover all the bits that required freshening up. You hum to yourself, letting your body air dry, moving about your room in a carefree way, dabbing perfume on your wrists then behind your ears.  

 

The music has clearly distracted you, your thoughts on autumn as you sigh and see the tree's starting to change in the mountains. You hadn't noticed how the blustery nature of the morning had caused the loose door to ajar slightly as you got yourself ready for the day. Lucky for you, no one but Forrest was in the station, and unlucky for him, you hadn't heard him walking back up the stairs. As soon as he turns at the top of the stairs, directly in front of your door with a box in his hands he freezes. He sees half of your body, bare and bathed in the morning sun, the breath stops in his throat and he averts his eyes to the ground, nostrils flared and eyes wide. He concentrates on the box in his hands. Wrapped in brown paper, a bow of burlap around it as he tries not to crush it in his big hands at the way his body reacts to seeing you. He makes the mistake of look up again before turning to head down the stairs, he sees the front half of you this time, one soft and milky, fleshy hip curving up from strong thighs, the nip of your waist just under the swell of one teardrop shaped breast, bouncing slightly as you dap perfume behind your ears before turning and disappearing again. He groans and steps backward, his lack of breathing catching up to him before he tries to quietly make his way back down the stairs, trying to keep the body pumping in his entire body and not just to his face and between his legs. He stares blankly after setting the box in the office, looking out into the station with twitching eyes to compose himself. It wasn't like he'd never seen a naked woman before, but the shock of seeing you in such a way made his mind He'd wanted to surprise you with a gift but, seems you were the one doing that for him this morning. 

\-----

_He was sitting in the church pew next to his mama like she always insisted he did, and as usual, he had his eyes on the doorway. He knew you'd been in a car accident and had a stay in the hospital. He'd taken flowers to you from the family at one point, but they'd had you on some heavy medicine and it seemed you hadn't known he was even there. You hadn't been to school, or to work at the farm or even church since the accident. Not like he blamed you. He kept hoping every week he'd seen you walk in, and this week he must've been lucky._

 

_He see's the now widower Cliff, tugging Junior behind him, both in all black, new suits, new shiny shoes. He holds his breath in anticipation until you emerge from the double doors of the church entryway, light framing you like an angel. It hurt him to see you in the same dress and shoes as before, thinking the least you deserved was something pretty while you healed. In the almost 3 months you'd been out of his sight, going from age 13 to 14, he couldn't help but notice changes in your body that weren't there before as his eyes wandered down involuntarily. You wore the same dress, but you wore a different body underneath it. Your calves now showed from the height you'd sprouted, delicate ankles in your rugged shoes. The dress buttoned up the front, the fabric straining around your filled out hips and chest. A button or two refusing to meet it's matching hole like it had the last time you'd worn it. Your face looks different, not only from the scar still healing that crept up into your hairline, but it looked more...well somehow more beautiful to him. Rosy lips under big green eyes and dark lashes framing them. Your hair down and in curls that weighed heavily about the middle of your back, having grown and not been seen to since your mama passed. You fingers fidget with the fit of the dress, he can tell you're uncomfortable in it, you hunch your shoulders, one arm over your chest as you walk into the room of people._

 

_You sit in the pew two rows behind him, he turns to see you as you sit down and your wide eyes wander around the room, seeming to not be looking for anything in particular. You lean forward to retrieve the bible from its holder, and in his own puberty soaked brain, his eyes go right to your cleavage as it's pressed together and visible in the neck of the dress. He hears what he thinks is a swear from you as a button pops on the front of your dress from the strain. He sees that cute little aggravated face you always got when you were annoyed and he can't help but smile. But as you sit back up, before adjusting the camisole underneath your dress he sees more than he intended to  and gulps, his smile faltering as he turns quickly to grab the bible in front of him, using it to sit on his lap hurridly, hiding what the sight had done to him before anyone noticed. He sat the rest of the service embarrassed and guilty for getting hard in church._

\------

You dab a drop of perfume between your breasts and thighs before putting on your undergarments, sliding your stockings up your legs and pulling the soft satin dress over your body. You'd found a few beautiful things in a catalog that had come to the station and decided to be nice to yourself and buy a few pieces of clothing, a new pair of heels that looked nice and were comfortable and a new tube of lipstick. You felt like a new woman, now polished and put together, lips no longer a stark red but a nice sweet peachy pink, hair set from rollers now bouncing around your shoulders and collarbones. 

 

You switch off your music, smoothing your dress one last time before turning lightly on your toes to your door. Your eyes blink fast, seeing that it's cracked open, you hurry towards it, opening it to see if Forrest had been there, but you see and hear nothing. You give a hmmph and a shrug and shut it and lock it behind you, placing the key in your bra as you trot down the stairs. 

 

"Goodmorning Forrest!" you call out, not seeing him in the station, you move to behind the counter, starting the coffee and moving to grab a cloth to wipe down the chalkboard and hear if there was anything new that had come in early to add to the menu for the day. 

 

Forrest appears  as you're tying your apron around your waist, the same one that you both used when working behind the counter, being mended so many times it was more patch work than original now, stains still sunken into the light colored fabric that no amount of bleach or scrubbing would get out, lord knows you'd tried. 

 

He thought you an angel when seeing the glimpse of your bare body earlier in the dim light of morning, and now with the sun crested over the mountains, your face looking less harsh and your hair bouncing around your soft face he finds you just as striking fully clothed. And much more approachable. 

 

"Mornin' Miss Tawny." you hear his deep, husky morning voice announce his appearance from behind you. He sets a decorated box on the table in front of the sign. You stop and put the chalk down, looking at it with a tilted head. "You've been workin' here for months now." he looks to the box before tapping it with a finger. "I thought it proper to reward ya for your hard work a bit."

 

"Forrest." you lilt at him, a sweet smile spreads across your face and hits him square in the chest as your eyes meet. "You sweet thing, you don't have to get lil 'ol me nothin'." your eyes sparkle as they meet his. 

 

"Mmmm. I reckon you deserve it. Well, you've helped out more than you should have to 'round here Tawny." he defends the gesture. "Just open it before you go gettin' all sentimental on me now." he pushes back a smile that manages to still tug at the corner of his mouth as you pull the bow loose with your delicate fingers.  He feels the odd tingle of nervousness in his fingertips, watching your face light up with anticipation. 

 

You managed to get through the paper and in rests something white, trimmed with delicate lace. You look at him for a second with a hint of confusion before he nods his head for you to keep going. You swing your eyes back, fingers lifting up the fabric out of the box, and you see it's a new apron. You let out a happy giggle as you smile widely, inspecting it closely. It covers your chest, not just tied around the waist like the current one you're wearing. It also has deep pockets, and lace all around the edges of the fabric and across the pockets. It's adorable and feminine and awfully thoughtful of him. 

 

"Can I go ahead and use it today?" you ask with wide eyes that make the smile show on his face fully. 

 

"'Course you can, why'd you think I gave it to ya this mornin' hmm?" 

In your excitement and gratitude, you reach out and put your hand on his arm, tiptoeing to kiss his cheek with a noisy smooch. "Thank you Forrest." you coo at him, quickly removing the apron you'd had on and replacing it. 

 

"Well that's not very professional." he says with a teasing grin he tries to hide with a clearing of his throat, a thumb to the nose. 

 

"I'm sorry. I got all excited. I'm not used to getting gifts." you sheepishly answer, your cheeks flushing slightly. 

 

"Eh." he shrugs. "I reckon I can let it slide." a closed lip smile underneath his steel blue eyes that gazed into yours without the usual hesitation behind it makes your lashes flutter as the blush doesn't fade. 

 

You fluff your hair out from the tie in the back and smooth it out across your chest. You stand with your hands out as if presenting yourself to him.

 

 "What do ya think? Suit me?" your head tilts innocently at the question as you see his eyes look over you for the first time without sneaking to do it.

 

"Suits you perfect, don't it?" he says almost proudly, a smug expression ghosts over his face. His words make you avert your eyes and look to the ground. The reaction doesn't go unnoticed by him, seeing you affected by his praise made his heart pump a little faster. Hell, maybe Howard was right for once. "Come on out and join me when that's coffee's ready, now."

 

You give him another smile, nodding enthusiastically, feeling much like a girl being given a flower by a boy for the first time. 

 

"Gotta make sure I get a good look at ya in the sunlight so I can remember how pretty you look in that before it goes and gets ruined." he says, smirk clear on his face as you follow it as he walks out the front door. 

 

Your mouth is open, you can't help the reaction. After the door shuts behind him you put your hand over your mouth and let out a girlish laugh, it can't be subdued. Your hand moves to your chest, you blush and turn to the coffee pot, seeing your face burn scarlet in the mirror behind the bar. My goodness...a compliment from Forrest. You hoped it wouldn't be the last. And it would turn out to be the first of many. 

\-------

You see him as you lift your eyes from your swirling skirt, dancing in the group of women in the middle of the barn. He walks in front of his brothers, carrying a crate of brandy with them. They part to set up shop in the corner and you finished your dance with some of the girls that were now being more friendly to you since it was clear you were staying and working and raising your half-brother. You figure it's out of respect, you hope it's not out of pity but as you all laugh and spin, clap and shout it's a far worry from your mind. Tonight you were just out to have a good time. 

He puffs on his cigar, eyes narrowed as his wide shoulders part pairs of people to stand near the wide opening of the barn, posted up against some bales of straw. He always came to the harvest celebration, but always to sell and never for pleasure. But this year he had a new reason for going, and he saw that reason twirling and flitting about a group of girls like a little hummingbird. Your dress hit at your knees, as your hands grasp at it to hold it as you kicked your feet he could get glimpses of the buttermilk-colored softness of your thighs, making his jaw tense. The neckline of the dress hit lower than anything you'd worn to work and was grateful you'd kept so proper at the station and grateful for showing off a bit tonight since he was there to see it. He sees you notice him, a bright smile from your beautiful face answered with a nod of his head across the barn. 

 

The band stops playing, a break in the songs, switching players so everyone got a chance to drink and you weave through the crowd, trying not to seem like you'd been anxiously waiting for his arrival to the festivities. Which you had. 

 

"Hi Forrest." your greet him like you did this morning, sitting on a bale next to him, you pat it as you look up at him. "Wanna sit next to me?" you ask politely, giving him the change to decline if he thought it too much to be seen together in such a way outside of work. A grunt and a nod finally emerge after he scans the crowd again, checking on his brothers to be doing their job. He settles next to you, you don't sit too close, you don't want to seem too eager. You were just happy to be around him truth be told, and just tickled he'd be seen so close to you at a function like this. "I might've been watchin' that doorway all night for your shadow to come and darken it." your lips are smiling, but your face is turned out to the crowd as you speak. "Mighty glad you decided to come." you turn your chin to your shoulder, giving him a quirky little smile. 

 

His eyes keep moving about as his fingers reach for the cigar, holding it between his big fingers and lowering it to his knee. He finally turns his head to you after he's certain no one's giving him any eyes and gives you a smile in response that you return tenfold. He wanted to tell you how pretty you looked tonight but, a nod is the response he gives, the grunt delayed from the words stuck in his throat. 

 

"Spare any for an old friend?" you ask with batting lashes and a tease in your voice as you point to his cardigan pocket, weighed down with your favorite Bondurant apple brandy. 

 

He purses his lips, an amused hum coming from deep in his chest, that same charming hint of a smile in his eyes directed at you. "Anything for you Tawny, Hmm?" the smile stays in place as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the jar, holding it out for you. 

 

Your heart skips a beat at the words, a giddy rush making you bite your lip as your fingers linger over his on the jar. "Well don't you know just want a girl wants to hear." you give the same tease and take the jar from him, unscrewing the top and taking a big swig from it. 

 

"Best ya slow down or you'll end up sittin' by the pond again all night." the scold in his voice is nothing but playful. 

 

"It wasn't ever so bad when you was there." you admit, catching a spare drop of the liquid on your chin. A corner mouth smile accompanies the nod and grunt this time. "Besides, would it be so bad to end up there tonight? Much worse things could come from a bit of the Bondurant shine in me." you say with a shaking of your head, taking another drink, with a giggle following that he's never heard from you before as he continues hiding his smirk to the rest of the people in the barn.

\-----

After you both have a few drinks, you take him by the hand under the cover of night and drag him out to the pond. Sure it was a bit harder for you both to fit on the rock together now, but that just meant you got to sit close to him and without any prying eyes on you, you both got to relax, together for the first time since you'd been back. You cross your legs towards him, leaning your whole body against his, feeling small as you wrap your arms around his one. The nostalgia and brandy make an amazing mixture that makes your heart and brain over communicate, the overflow coming out of your mouth without its usual filter. 

 

"I sure did miss you Forrest." you say with a sigh, breaking the silence that had grown as you both looked out over the water, moon reflecting in its surface. The crickets were singing, the frogs croaking and leaves would fall from time to time as the wind carried the sweet smells of the feast from the barn down through the trees.

 

"You did?" he asks, eyebrow quirking, looking down at you as your head lay on his shoulder. He was glad he was a bit drunk, it let him enjoy having you touch him instead of getting tongue-tied and unsure of himself. You think about telling him about all the letter's you'd written to him while you were gone. But you'd decided against it, throwing them into the fire as you thought he wouldn't want to hear from you since you left without saying goodbye. 

 

"I didn't even know how much I did until I came back and saw ya. All that nostalgia just washin' over me." your voice is breathy but enthusiastic, your eyes shut as smiled into the sleeve of his sweater. "You know...you were about that only one that was nice to me growin' up." your eyes open again, blinking slowly as they looked into the tree line. "One of the few that ever has been." you pout slightly and his eyes study your affected face. "Thank you." you say softly, meeting his eyes unexpectedly, his chin pushing back slightly, being caught off guard. 

 

"You know you ain't never been no trouble to me Tawny." he insists. 

 

"You ain't never been no trouble for me neither." you give a little chuckle that makes him smile. "I thought comin' out here might make me sad. But I feel just about anything but."

 

"Well you've had a fair amount of that there jar there, Miss." you can feel the teasing in his voice. 

 

"That just means I'm being more open and honest then." you retort, shaking your head at him.

 

Your eyes meet and hold, your cheek smooshed against his strong arms his chin turned down towards you. You don't speak for a moment, and it's not awkward, it just feels easy and right. Like it used to. 

 

"It feels good to be here. On this rock. Under the same moon. With the same Forrest." you beam up at him.

 

"Ain't the same Forrest." he shakes his head and corrects you, his voice nothing but kind. "Ain't the same Tawny neither."

 

"I'm being sentimental, hun. I ain't dumb. I know we're not the same as we were back then." your purse your lips and give him a look letting him know he could lighten up. "I think that's a good thing though." you offer, your voice a bit higher pitched in your explanation. 

 

"Why's that?" he gruffs out, brows raising slightly.

 

"Change is the only constant we got in life. Life is change. If we hadn't changed that'd mean something in us was dead. And we ain't dead yet." you say supportively.

 

"Not for other's lack of tryin'." his head bows slightly, brows raising up as if he's delivering a punchline and the expression, animated for him makes you laugh.

 

"Oh you always were funny." you grin, hand patting his forearm. 

 

"Yeah. Funny lookin'." he kids, a smirk on his face as he looks back out to the woods and away from you. 

 

"You ain't never been funny lookin' Forrest." you correct with a shake of your head, raising it to look at his face with more intent. 

 

"Mmm." he responds with a subtle nod.

 

"Always thought you were kinda cute, to be honest." you wrinkle your nose and grin up at him.

 

"Oh, that so?" he asks, voice dipping deeper and making your heart thump. 

 

"It is so. You were always so thoughtful and sweet."

 

"And I ain't never been since." you snort and laugh and feel him move with his own laughter. 

 

"That aint' true at alllll." you say in an exaggerated way, giving him a smile that shows teeth, your bright eyes shining from the moon. "You're as sweet as candy, Forrest." you say matter of factly. "Ya got your big hard shell..." your fingers walk up his chest across his sweater. "And you're all soft in the middle, ain't ya?" you give him another adorable scrunch of your nose and a giggle that was meant for only him. Your tiny fingertip bops the end of his nose to punctuate your statement. Your tongue sticks out just slightly between your teeth as your shoulders shake with an almost silent laugh. 

 

"I don't know 'bout all that, now." his voice goes low, chin shaking a little to back up his words.

 

"I don't know about you." you say sassily.

 

"Hmm?" he turns his face back towards you.

 

"I tell ya you're sweet and handsome and you can't take a nice word said about ya, can ya?" you blink slowly at him.

 

"I ain't never had to before. Not many of 'em said my way."

 

"Maybe you should start learnin' now that I'm around."

 

"Hmmm," he grunts out. "You might be onto somethin' there Miss Tawny."

 

"I usually am." you say in the same sassy tone, snuggling your face back into the sleeve of his sweater. 

 


	11. Chapter 11

The sun's setting and you're busy handing out drinks and food. As usual, on Friday nights Forrest sits in his office counting money and scribbling away in his ledger to get away from the noise. 

For good behavior Jack is out with Junior, they'd found some girls they'd gotten sweet on and taken off. You hoped the girls would keep them straight and out of too much trouble. You'd rather him be sleeping around than gambling anyway. Whatever mistakes he made were his at this point, you'd done your part of warning and informing him. 

As the sun sets the station is busy. It's the usual in and out, the dinging of the pumps that Cricket helps man, seeing to cars and answering your calls for assistance yelled out of the screen door. He had a car that he was trying to doctor up for Jack he'd given as his reason for staying in tonight, that boy was so good-natured you were thankful he could be an influence on Junior as well. 

But your current problem and the opposite of being good-natured were the two men that had sat together directly in the middle of the bar all night. You'd ignored their dirty looks and suggestive glances, their rotten teeth spewing their sexually aggressive words at you. 

You weren't a stranger to this, working at the bar in the city, you just hadn't run across it much here. But by their accents and suits, you could tell these guys weren't exactly from around here. Maybe not from the city but...not local at least. You whisper to Cricket if he knows the men, he says no, so you begin to become suspicious of their motives. They'd been looking over their shoulders all night, not moving from their spots and keeping you busy with requests. 

As the crowd thins, those there for the food now full and gone, the ones there for the drink drunk and making their way back to their homes, these men stay. The old group of men that always play cards, now larger than usual due to it being the weekend, are still in the back walled off part of the open space, lamp hanging directly over their heads, keeping their eyes hidden with the brims of their hats as they pretend to have poker faces this many jars in as they play. 

To say you're growing impatient with these men would be an understatement. One reaches over the bar as you turn to move the cast iron skillet from the stove to cool off for the night, pinching you on the butt. You swing around quickly, slamming your hand on the bar top. 

"Fuckin' excuse you?" you ask, chin down, eyes burning into his. 

"Aw, toots, c'mon. You've been taking care of us all night how's about we take care of you a lil bit?"

"I'll only say this politely because my mama raised me right, unlike you sons of bitches, but if you touch me again you're gonna regret it."

"Calm down there, baby doll." the other interjects, waving his hand in the air to falsely diffuse the situation. 

"I ain't your fuckin' baby doll." you spit at him. "You can change your damn tone or pay up and get out."

"Why don't you get us another jar there sugar?" the original culprit says, pushing a strand of hair off your face as you snarl at him. 

"You've had enough." you say, leaning forward, fearless and staring him down.

"Now you turn that sweet ass around and get me another jar and I won't cause you any trouble tonight ya little hellcat."

You inhale slowly, trying to keep your cool. "How about you turn your mangy ass around and get the hell out of here." 

He reaches out and grabs your wrist tightly, slamming it down on the bar top, pulling you across it partially and the stink of him hits you hard, making you gag slightly. "That ain't no way for a little lady like yourself to be talking to a man like me baby doll. You turn me down again and I'll bring all kinds of trouble down on that pretty little head of yours Tawny." you don't know how he knew your name, but sends up a red flag. Something wasn't right, them being there wasn't right. 

"And you can let me go or I'm going to yell for my boss and he'll break your fuckin' necks. That's your choice."

You see him reach for his pocket and you've been in this situation before. You grab the empty jar on top of the bar top as he pulls out a knife to threaten you. You slam the jar into the side of his face, forcing him to let you go. You hurt yourself a bit in the process, some cuts on your fingers, but this was much preferred to the alternative. He drops the knife, you grab it and step back, holding it out at the other man as his hands on a gun in his waistband, you can see the hesitancy to pull it on you in his eyes. 

"Alright, you get the hell out of here!" you hear Forrest's deep, aggressive voice boom across the room. 

You hadn't noticed in your scuffle, but Cricket had gone and told Forrest there were men hassling you. Forrest stands with him just a foot behind, whispering what had gone down as Forrest rose from his chair and made his way out of the office. 

"They've been hasslin' her all night. She tried to cut him off, he's been getting real mouthy and tried to get handsy with her. He grabbed her, she hit him, pulled a knife on her I reckon 'cause that ain't one of yours." he says quietly.

Forrest sees the broken pieces on the bar top, the bleeding on the man's temple, your bloody hand shaking around a knife in defense and his jaw clenches. A fire roaring up within him at the thought that someone dared to even think about harming you, and in the place he owned. 

"You pull a knife out on her?" You see a fire in his eyes you haven't before. 

The man approaches him, hand on the side of his still bleeding face. "I'm trying to give you business and she won't sell to me."

"Well you ain't getting a god damned thing, get out." his voice so low it almost comes out as a growl. 

"Ain't no fuckin' hillbilly gonna talk to me like that." he barks, draws his arm back to hit Forrest, the other man rising from his seat.

You know the other man has a gun, and lucky for you he's using the hand closest to you pull it out, letting it hang at his side, his hesitancy being his undoing. You grab the gun from him, seizing your opportunity to take firepower out of the situation and making it a level playing field. Well, as level as it could be against Forrest and his brass knuckles. 

As soon as there's a punch thrown, the men in the back bolt for the door. Certainly, not the first time something like this had gone down here, they knew to get the hell out of Forrest's way. If they weren't there, they could see anything. And that's how they wanted it. 

Hitting the man with the glass in his face, now split open from the brass pushing it in even deeper, he falls back over a table, smashing a chair as his limp body thuds against the floor, a poof of dust escaping as he comes to rest.

The other man moves towards Forrest, fists up and ready to fight before Forrest's eyes have left the man on the floor, he gets one solid hit on your protector, a sick crack to his brow bone, but he doesn't slow in his retaliation, the pain fueling him, he grabs the man by the shirt and shoves him up against a thick load-bearing beam, knocking off his hat and punching him over and over and over until blood poured from his face. One more good solid thwack to the temple to send him to the floor just like the other man in a hurry. 

Forrest's bloody hands shake slightly as he moves his eyes to yours. It'd all happened so fast you're still stood in the same place behind the bar. You blink slowly, your eyes wide but not fearful, he nods, a noisy exhale from his lips as he moves quickly to pull the bodies out of the station and into the dark of the parking lot like they weighed nothing, being sure to not be easy on them as he swings them out into the cold night. 

His eyes dart around the now empty station and seeing as no one was around to witness, you see his chest heave one final time before he recognizes he can stop being in defense mode. 

He walks over to you, face looking much like a scolded puppy, eyes apologetic and posture slumped. His marked up hands reach out across the bar, gently taking the gun from your own bloody hands.

When you feel the warmth of his fingers around yours, you let out a sigh, letting go of the tension you held in your body that you hadn't even realized was there with a heavy sigh. 

"You ain't hurt are ya?" he says quietly, a furrowed brow studying you. 

"No, I...I don't think so." you shake your head, looking at the hand that had delivered the opening blow to the man now unconscious in the road. "Not too bad anyway." your lips frown as you hold your wrist of the injured hand. Seemed to just be a few cuts, nothing that wasn't superficial. 

His eyes grow sadder, the anger fading as he takes your delicate bright red fingers into both his own big paws. He sees the bruises already forming around your wrist, the little gashes in your perfect porcelain skin. He grunts, lips pursing as the guilt started to hit him. 

"I'm sorry 'bout this." he says softly, hands still holding yours.

"I've seen worse," you say softly, trying to be comforting amongst the chaos. His eyes shoot to yours with question. "I worked in a bar in the city for years, Forrest. I was there when it transitioned to a speakeasy." your head tilts as you nod slightly to sell your point.   
"I'm not a stranger to being witness to violence."

The words break his heart. A good girl like you shouldn't have to deal with things like this. What was wrong with people?  
\----  
WIth Cricket sent home with a hug and a thank you from yourself. A grunt, nod and appreciative pat on the back from Forrest, you find yourselves alone. 

He'd help you wash your hands in the sink first, demanding you be seen to before him, the rough pads of his fingers drawing little hisses from your lips as they worked to free the one piece of glass stuck in your skin. You return the favor, washing the knuckles of brass and then the ones on his hand.

"I'm sorry, Tawny." he says quietly, forcing it out like the words had been sitting in his throat for too long.

"You've said that three times now, hun, you ain't gotta keep sayin' it," you say sweetly, a small shake of your head as you wipe away to the dried blood from his face. "You don't have anything to be sorry for. You helped if nothing else." you say, patting his chest as you move to the table where the medical kit sat. You sit down and watch him walk over to you, shoulders still low as he speaks and eventually sits in the chair a bit too hard in his solemn mood, making it squeak across the floor.

"You came back here to get away from all this. A good woman like you deserves better." the words make your bottom lip pout out at how heavy they sound coming from him.

You've never been called a good woman before. You'd never had anyone tell you deserved anything except 'what was comin' to you' and that means nothing but nastiness. You finish with the turpentine on his brow, sitting and holding your hand on his cheek.

"There ain't so escape from life while you're livin' it, Forrest." you're sure to make sure he looks into your eyes as you speak. You hated seeing this guilt on his face. "This is life here." you shrug. "Life ain't easy no matter where you go." you say, just a touch of assertiveness to your voice. 

He grunts in response, a thoughtful look coming across his face.

"I've been to where the grass is supposed to be greener Forrest. It ain't. It's just different grass." you huff out a laugh, dropping your hand from his face. "I tried it elsewhere. Here's home. I'd rather have violence here than violence anywhere else and I don't wanna be nowhere but right here. You understand?" you reach out and put your hand over his, driving your point home.

He nods and grunts. You rise, you run your hand across his shoulders, a slow back and forth as he looks up at you, eyes wide and resembling a puppy's for a moment with you framed in his line of vision.

"I'm gonna take the boxes to the barn alright? That'll finish us up here. We both need to rest." you bend down and press a kiss to the top of his head, hoping it expressed your sentiments better than your words did. 

His eyes shut as you lean close, he smells the floral scent that haunts him as he walks up the stairs at night, that lingers after you're gone. You take the kit and set it back in his office before you head out.

"I'm gonna have a smoke before bed, Tawny. You go on up after you're done, ya hear?" 

"I hear you, hun." you say with sweet tone, knowing he means well. He needs to be alone to think and to be honest, so do you.   
\----  
You're chewing on your lip as you make your way back thru the back door of the station. You'd made a few rounds in the barn, looking for the culprit of some knocked over barrels and vegetables that were scattered about. You figured it was raccoons that were the culprit, as their little thumbs allowed them to be much more mischievous than a common opossum. You kind of hoped it wasn't raccoons though, you thought they were rather humorous and didn't want to kill them, you hadn't missed that part of country life in the city. You weren't reminded of the food chain so often there like you were here. 

You let the door bang behind you, turning to lock it as you call out, "Forrest? You still up hun?" You hang your coat up by the door in the hallway, walking towards his office as you saw the light was on. It flicks off as you approach, heavy footsteps headed your way. "I think we go raccoons or somethin' out in the barn. You want I should get a catalog and order some traps tomorrow? We don't have any big enough..." your voice trails off as your eyes grow wider as you realize the silhouette of a large man approaching you was not Forrest. 

"I'm afraid your hun ain't here to save you this time." a deep voice slithers through the dark room and sends chills down your spine. You feel a man slip his hands around your waist and chest and you seize up at the touch. 

Unfortunately for them, this wouldn't be the first time you'd fought greasy ill-intentioned hands off of you in a life or death situation. You'd made the mistake of being helpless before, and by God, you'd taken the precautions to make sure it never happened again. They didn't count on you being one of those tough country girls. You were about as far from the fainting over an insult, limp-wristed breed as they came. 

As the taller man, the one whose gun you'd taken away saunters towards you, the grip around your body grows tighter from the other man. Okay, Tawny...keep your head level...you can do this. You can't be a Bondurant and let someone get the best of you, and you weren't about to take that chance. 

You start to struggle against the man behind you, testing his strength as he lifts your feet off the floor to try to control you. You use this to your advantage, kicking your feet up and off his legs to kick the other man in the chest and face as he tries to close in on you. A good solid hit from your heels lands on his face, taking the pointed spike to the eye. He moves to protect himself, hunching over as you bend yourself in half, then rearing back hard and fast and head-butting the man holding you in the forehead. It hurts like hell, and by the nasty crack of a noise, it made you knew it was worth the pain. You scramble away, hitting the floor first, and hard before barreling yourself into a chair forcefully in your hurried attempts to create space between you and the men. 

You move to get the knife off the counter, running back around to the tables on the other side of the room so you'd at least have the big wooden slabs for protection. The man you'd kicked, having enough time to recover lunges across the table for you. You grab a salt shaker off the table and smash it into his hand as it slams down on the table top, barely missing you. This hurts you both in the process, but again, worth the pain and creates a distraction. The other comes to your side as the man with the freshly bleeding hand shouts and squeeze his wrist. You shove your glass shard filled hand into his face as he approaches, adding more shards to the collection you were working on embedding in his face tonight. 

You see the tiny rivers of fresh bright blood run down his face as your fingers dig into his eye socket and hook into his lip. You grab his wrist with the same hand quickly, wanting to make sure he understood the punishment for having touched you with this hand, you slam it against the edge of the table with another sickening smash and crack of delicate bones being misplaced as his teeth grit and he screams and spits at you, slapping at you with his other hand, hitting you in the face, trying to choke you with wild clawing and scratching but you remain vigilant. You bring his hand down again, another shout, but this time you bring the knife down with it.

The bloody scream so close to your own ears makes them ring even after the fight is over. You stab it into his hand again, but this time horizontally, taking his two smallest fingers off. This is finally enough to make him retreat, the other man looking on in shock with one good eye in horror as his partner cries and holds his wrist, shoving you into the floor to get out the building. You can't understand what he's spewing at you, but there are swears and cross words said you did understand, but they hold no weight to hurt you further. 

"Fuckin' come on! We got who we came for, leave this crazy bitch, she took my fucking fingers!" he screeches, the other man quickly following suit. You sit in the floor among the displaced chairs you were shoved into. You hear their car leave, the lights bouncing down the drive and you gasp for breath. The exertion and adrenaline hit you move quickly to stand, your hands are shaking terribly, you were beat up, you could feel it, but more importantly you were alive. 

As soon as your brain registers that you have all your limbs, can move them and aren't bleeding from the head from that headbutt, your mind screams. Forrest.

In your fear, a delayed reaction to the bloodshed you'd just seen, you stumble clumsily out of the station, bending over at the waist over the railing and throwing up. You gasp and with wild eyes, you take in the scene around you. It's silent. The night dark, snow lightly falling in what would at any other time be a serene scene makes your stomach churn again. 

The only thing you see is Forrest's truck and no sign of him anywhere. "FORREST?!" you scream out like a banshee into the echoing darkness. Your hand that isn't full of glass slams against the truck hood to stabilize yourself, but no amount of bracing could've helped for what you saw lying on the ground before you as you rounded the font of the vehicle. "FORREST?!" you scream out again, the most desperate and gut-wrenching sound that had ever come out of your body. Your knees buckle on sight, falling to the ground, your bloody hands covering your mouth as you try to scream but it's choked out by a building sob. 

You crawl towards him, whispering his name over and over as if it could help somehow. You want to throw up again but fight the urge as you kneel over him, hands vibrating with emotion as they delicately touch him, trying to process what had happened and what you needed to do next. His hands are tight around his throat, and his eyes open, bleeding like a stuck pig into the freshly fallen snow. 

They'd cut his throat and left him for dead. If he died, you would hunt down those sorry excuses for humans and kill them in the same fashion. The rage from the thought of someone hurting him clears your head in a funny way. Forrest Bondurant can't die, you thought to yourself. He can't and you won't fucking let him.

"Forrest baby are you still with me?" you choke out, sniffling and finding his eyes, feeling for a pulse in his wrist and by some miracle, it's there. "Oh fuck. Oh thank fucking God." your chest heaves as you try to remember to breathe. "I'm taking you to the hospital," you say, as if it mattered, you didn't know if he could hear you. You'd read about miraculous things... mothers lifting cars off of children to save them, and now you should be added to those stories as you pick the big man up from under his arms and somehow manage to get him into the truck. "You can't die Forrest." you say to no one but yourself, propped him up in the seat next to you, you figured the blood wouldn't leak out as badly that way. "You can't fucking die on me, I need you." you sob, one hand on his knee as you drive that beat up old vehicle better than Jack could've ever dreamed of handling the newest, fastest car. You talk to him as you drive, mostly incoherent streams of thought, but sometimes it made sense. You kept squeezing and patting him, in case he was aware that you were there. "I'm here Forrest. I'm here sweetheart. We'll be there soon I swear. I can fix this. We can do this. Just please stay with me Forrest." you rasp out. 

You park the truck just out of the light of the porch of the hospital. It occurs to you that you can't go about this in a normal manner. "You Bondurant's and your fuckin' legends." you groan, putting on a hat you found in the truck and pulling it low over your face, using a spare sweater to mask your small frame, you pull Forrest onto your shoulder, thankful for your working woman thighs to carry him with strained steps to the door. Lucky for you, a man is smoking just inside the door and they panic, dropping the cigarette and moving to pick him up. He yells for help, and you slip away back into the darkness. You see the man come out a few minutes later, looking around for whoever brought him, scratching his head in confusion and ultimately going back inside. 

If he lived, he'd die as a man who walked 20 miles from Blackwater station himself with a slit throat. Seems like the least you could do was let him keep his story for himself if he did turn out to be mortal. But for once, you sure as hell hoped the rumors about the Bondurant's were true.


	12. Chapter 12

Your fear and worry catch up to you when you're back at the station. You're scrubbing the floors clean of blood in the dark, sobbing and snotting everywhere. You cried while you cleaned the inside of the building, you cried while you cleaned out his truck, even the ground where he'd been laying you disrupt so it's not obvious there was a full grown man bleeding out there just hours ago. You can't stop crying, but you keep your body moving. But no one was there to judge, and no one with a heart would've judged your reaction for what you'd just been through. 

Your injured hand is numb to you from shock and adrenaline. Your mind is only focused on cleaning this up. Making it look like nothing ever happened. You took the fingers from the man and put them into the hog's slop and they take care of the rest for you. You burn your dress, no saving it now and you needed to destroy any proof of a fight. 

In the middle of a clean and normal looking station, you finally sit in a clean dress, completely new clothes, hair washed and body scrubbed pink and raw in your neurosis as you try to let your mind calm down. But as you do manage to stop crying, to breath normally, you realize your hand is fucked. Now every beat of your heart makes it throb and burn and with your adrenaline gone, the immediate needs are taken care of, the proof destroyed, you're left alone to take care of yourself. 

The sun was coming up now, and you knew you couldn't open so you put on your coat, taking Forrest's gun and keys in your pocket and after checking the locks on the doors an insane amount of times, you take yourself to the hospital. 

You drive with one hand, windows down with the biting cold keeping you awake and alert. The drive isn't as stressful this time around, but at least you'd had practice driving with one hand earlier already. 

The sun is up by the time you arrive at the hospital. By this point, all your bruises are blooming and when you catch sight of yourself in a mirror after being checked in and lying about falling down stairs while carrying glasses, you wince at the sight. You know it could've been much worse, but you knew Forrest wouldn't overlook the red and purple haze that crossed your skin. The nurses gave you something for the pain, getting you comfortable before they start the long, tedious and painful process of removing the glass from your hand.

Forrest's eyes blink open, but just barely. He'd been dreaming about you. If that's what you wanted to call it. Was it still a dream when you blacked out from blood loss? Or did that make it a vision? The former seemed more appropriate to call it. Everything including his thoughts is more than a bit foggy, but he swears he can hear you. He wants to move and he can't. He can't move much of anything, barely even his eyelids. The exertion makes him pass out again.

You hear a familiar pairing of footsteps coming down the hallway, they pass right by the room you're in in their rush, and you see the two Bondurant brothers you'd been wondering about. At this point you look like you've been dragged behind a horse for a few miles, trying to avoid looking in the mirror any more than you had to because your face, entire torso and parts of your legs were smattered in bruises and scrapes that weren't going to fade anytime soon. Your hand is now in bandages, the painful experience of having it dug through with medical instruments over and now just the tiny splotches of blood that showed through the white gauze are left to remind you of how that hand helped save your life last night. You try not to use it, and at least it isn't your dominant hand, but it throbs with every twitch of muscle, the bruises around your wrist making a slight appearance at the base of the bandages that circle your wrist. 

You'd heard the commotion about Forrest all morning, the whispers and the nurses coming out of the room whose door you could see from the bed you sat on. You'd done a lot of staring at that door, and an equal amount of shutting your eyes tightly to try to stop the tears from falling. As the brothers leave the room, you exit yours and by the look on their faces, you can tell they'd forgotten about you in the rush of finding out someone had attacked Forrest.

Howard starts to apologize but you hold up your hand. 

"How is he?" your voice is as tired as your eyes look. You can tell he wants to ask you what happened but you don't seem much in the mood to discuss it. 

"He's alive. Somehow." his eyes narrow, taking in the cool-toned watercolor portrait of colors across your face, putting your appearance and his brothers together to form an idea as to what might've happened. 

"Always is. Docs said he walked all the way here himself. Can you believe it?" says Jack with a tear-jerking innocence. "Tawny? What happened to you?" he asks quietly, eyes darting around the hallway. You dismiss his question with a wave of your hand.

"Is he able to talk?" you ask quietly.

"Yeah the doctors told him not to but...you know how he is." Howard's voice sounds almost as tired as yours. 

"I'd like a moment with him please." you say flatly, as Jack bows his head to move down the hallway. 

The shoulder of your dress comes down as you remove your coat. Howard sees you wince. He sees how far down the bruises go. He opens his mouth, still curious but exhausted enough to leave the questions for later. 

"Go on Howard." you say, looking away and moving into the room. You shut it with a quiet click behind you. A shakey deep breath as you take in the shadow of Forrest that now rested in the hospital bed. Thick bandages around his neck, splotched much the same as the ones around your hand. He's a ghost, a shell of the man you cared so much for compared to the calm strength and life that usually resided inside of him. He was as pale as the snow you drove him through to keep him alive last night. You wipe your tears away as they silently fall. You want to sob at the sight of him, but you know you're stronger than that. 

"Forrest." is all you manage to rasp out. He blinks open his eyes, mouth shifting as he focuses on you. "I didn't mean to wake you, hun, I'll go, I just had to see you alive for myself." your brows knit and you're prepared to bow out of the room graciously. 

"C'mere." he holds his hand palm up beside him on the bed and you move quickly to his side. You rest slowly and gently onto the bed next to him with a quiet creak of springs, facing him. You take the hand at first to move it, then you place it in your lap, interlacing your fingers into his.

"You don't gotta talk, sweetheart." you whisper, your hand moving over his forehead, giving away the state your nerves were in with how it trembled. You see his face soften at the gesture, slow lazy blinks take in the warmth from your skin. You brush his hair back with your hand slowly, taking in a shaky inhale. 

"They said I walked." he whispers, narrowing his eyes. His sight might've been blurry but he could see something had happened to you. He sees the tight bandaged wrapped around your hand. If he could have felt rage he would have. 

"That's what Jack told me." he keeps his eyes on yours even though you don't meet his, fingers still lightly smoothing his hair.

"Tawny." he croaks. You shut your eyes, wiping away tears before you meet his.

"Couldn't let them know you weren't invincible, could I?" you rasp out, a tear falling down your cheek again.

His brow furrows at you in question.

"I brought you. I was there. I found you in the parking lot...  
bleeding out...I couldn't stop it " you choke, the tears come faster, his brow stays furrowed and his eyes look concerned.

"Tawny," he says again, making you meet his eyes, wanting to search them for answers. 

"I can't believe I'm gonna say this but stop talking Forrest. The doctor says you're not supposed to." you sigh, your hand moves from his hair to his cheek, your thumb rubbing back and forth across the strong bones, the handsome planes across his face. 

"What happened?" he croaks out.

You let out a huff of a laugh that makes his chin try to push back against the bandages around his neck. "I just told you to stop talkin'." you give him a real but sad smile. "You ain't gonna get better if you do. I'll be holding down the station for ya until they let you out. Lord knows Howard and Jack ain't gonna be no help." you're making light of something horrible. 

"What'd they do to you, sweetheart." he whispers, his hand reaching up and cupping your cheek, you rest his elbow on your knee so he doesn't have to work to keep it there. You knew he had to be as weak as a child with how much blood he lost. His thumb reaches out and caresses your sensitive skin just like you'd done to him just moments before. You shut your eyes because your chest hurts so much at his touch. You'd been so close to never knowing what him touching your face like this would've felt like.

"Nothin' Forrest just..." you clear your throat. "This ain't the time to talk about it. You get better for me now, you hear?" you meet his eyes, his fingers move to wipe away the silent tears. 

"I asked you a question." he whispers.

"You get better." you say. "You get better. When I get you back home and can take care of you, I'll tell you. I'll answer anything you ever wanted to know alright?" you put your hand over his on your cheek. "I'll get you back and get you some proper food in ya. I know they ain't feedin' you right here." you give him a weak smile. You move your face, kissing the palm of his hand, feeling your breath reflected back onto your face as you try to control it. If he'd had enough blood he would've flushed at the intimate gesture. "You just..." your brow furrows as your eyes shut and the shakey inhale hurts his ears, feeling the tears fall onto his skin, your mouth still against his fingers. You let out a long sigh. "You get better so I can stop crying, okay?" you whimper. "I can't stand the thought of losing you and until you're back home where you belong it ain't gonna stop." you kiss it again. One long press of your lips to his palm before you take his hand in both of yours and kiss across the pads of his fingers. He didn't even know what to say to such a heartfelt display of affection towards him. But he tries. 

"I ain't ever leavin' you." his voice almost normal, just quiet. 

"You better not." you actually smile, a small laugh escaping your lips against his hand. You lower it finally, clasping it in both of yours in your lap again. 

"You ain't leavin'? Even after..." he drags off, his face as unsure as you'd ever seen it. 

"I'm never leavin' you, Forrest. Not ever again. I made the mistake once and I ain't gonna make it again." your head shakes back and forth slowly, looking into his eyes, small hands shaking around his one large paw that was starting to feel warm again, soaking up the heat of your body.

"And here I was...thinkin' you was smart." you laugh again, the corner of his mouth pulls back in a weak smile.

"Well you make me act like a right fool, Forrest Bondurant." you whisper, leaning in to kiss his cheek. You sniffle and smile down at him, leaning over him as your hand brushes over his pale, but still stoic handsome face gently. "I'm gonna get back and let you rest. I got everything handled at the station. You sleep, do what the doctor says." your eyes are tired but how filled with love they are as they take in the sight of him doesn't go unnoticed by him.

"Get better." he nods.

"You're the smart one, ain't ya?" you smile with your lips press against his forehead. You could smother him in kisses and it would never be enough to explain how he made you feel. You hoped there would be time for that later. 

"Nah." he groans as you raise and adjust his covers. 

"I'll be back to visit you soon, alright?" you say, walking back towards the door, not wanting to leave him at all. 

"You keep a gun-" he starts.

"I have your pistol in my hand in this coat pocket as we speak and that's where it's gonna stay. I might be a fool for you but I'm not fucking stupid." you grin. He returns the smile, a nod, and a grunt in response as per usual.   
\------  
The days without Forrest there feel like they last forever. Every time you fake a smile underneath your heavy makeup to hide the state that you were in, you think about how you'd rather be by his side giving him a real one. Every time you look up and don't see him sitting at that table, his squared fingertips tapping against the aging paper of his book, that same look he gets when he's thinking on his face, your stomach churns. You missed him so damn much.

You had trouble eating, though you made yourself. You drank to put yourself to sleep because all you could think about was him covered in blood, the men coming back to finish the job. You knew Howard was there, you had a gun by your bed and a lock on your door but your mind was so over capacity with emotions that it didn't listen to reason right now. You knew it wouldn't hush it's nonsense until you had Forrest back with you where he belonged. 

The day you wake up and realize he's coming home you're in tears. Sobbing into your hands in your bed as soon as the sunlight hits your blotchy face. They're happy tears, tears or relief and a sign that things would be getting back to normal soon. 

You man the station as the brothers retrieve him. Luckily for everyone, they bring him in early and the people who are there know better than to say anything. He walks on his own into the station, hat on, his cardigan hanging just like it always did and it takes everything in you to not cry and run to him, kiss his face that has color in it again, touch him with your still beaten hands to make sure he's real. But you settle for the hole that had sat in your chest in his absence being filled as he moves slowly and carefully up the stairs to his room. Howard comes back down, leaning over the bar to beckon you towards him.

"He'll need his cut seen to. You being the most gentle and motherly around here I figured you'd wanna do it." he whispers, looking over his shoulder to see that no one was within earshot. 

"Of course." you say, tossing the hand towel to the side. 

"I know you'll want to but don't baby him too much or it'll piss him off. We tried to help hold him up on the way out of the hospital and he smacked both of us." a grin appears on his face. "I don't reckon he'll do that to you but...just so ya know." you nod in response, eager to get to him. "I'll watch the bar, you take your time. I know how much you missed him." he says with a knowing smile.

"Thank you Howard." you coo at him, patting his hand. "But I don't think you have any clue how much I missed him." you give him the first real smile he'd seen on your face since his brother had been gone. It warms him to see it and to know that you were finally coming around to how you felt after having to see you two make eyes at each other since you were kids. For once, he felt relieved.   
\----  
You had already put the med kit in his room in anticipation, you'd made a thin and nutrient dense soup also in your anticipation to take care of him. You hold it in your hands as you knock on his door. 

You hear a grunt of acknowledgment and you've never been happier to hear it. 

You move slowly into the room, verbally announcing your appearance as he has trouble turning his head to see you from the side of his bed where he sat. 

"Forrest, I brought you some soup, hun." you say gently, sitting it on the table by the wall.

"You do this?" his eyes narrow in question, hand motioning to the bed frame that hadn't been there when he left. 

"Yeah," you say hesitantly. "I thought it might make it easier on ya, ya know? To get up and down and what not if you were still weak when you got home." he nods and grunts, eyes looks at the frame under him. "I can take it apart if you'd like, I just wanted to help, I-"

"That was very thoughtful of you Tawny." his voice deeper and more gritty than you recall. 

You give him a small smile of relief and a fast series of nods. "I wanted to make you coming back as easy as possible on ya."

"And what about you?" he asks, face moving back up to yours as you approach him with the kit in your hands. 

"What about me?" you say quietly, face down to avoid his intense gaze, getting out pieces to clean his wound. 

It hurts him to hear you say such a thing. "What'd you do to make it easier on you?" he asks as you rise to stand in front of him.

"Well I..." you pause and you get the thoughtful look on your face that he loves to watch from a distance. Thankful to see it so close now. "I just wanted you home," you whisper, eyes finally rolling up to meet his that never left your face. The bruises were faded, but still there and it hurt him to see it, but he'd missed watching your sweet little face look at him like that with your big doe eyes. "I gotta get this on your throat, Forrest." you avert your eyes, focusing on the task at hand. 

He knows you have to, and he'd rather you do it than anyone else so he doesn't fight you much on it. Your fingers move so lightly across the inflamed skin, sew together with x's across the base of his neck, you unbutton a few buttons on his shirt, suddenly realizing the intimacy of the touch. You'd never touched him like this before, there was something almost taboo about it that made the blood rush to your face. You also notice the uncertainty in his eyes as they look anywhere but you, caught off guard by the intimacy of the situation. 

He gulps as your fingers hook beneath his shirt, feeling your soft fingertips against his neck and shoulders as you pulled the neckline away.

"It honestly doesn't look nearly as bad as I thought it would." you offer up to help ease any worry about how it might look if he concerned himself with such a thing. He's grateful you're so thoughtful, he's lucky, he knows this. Your words ease the thoughts that he might repulse you now, as he sees no signs of hesitancy in your eyes and doesn't feel it in your fingers as they dab gently away at the raw skin. 

He winces, a nose twitch and a drawing of his lips. 

"I know, sweetheart, I'm bein' as easy as I can," you whisper, a half smile on your face as you stay focused. "I ordered some of the medicine with the numbing stuff in it so it'll help you out once it soaks in." you say optimistically as you rise again, finished with his doctoring for now. He doesn't know how he'd made it all these years without you. How could he have made it through all the trials he had without having you to come home to after? "Let it breathe for a bit. Don't fuss with your shirt just yet." you politely request. He feels that ache in his chest again as you bring him the soup you'd made. "I found a recipe in one of my old school books for this. Supposed to be real good for when you're sick. I know you ain't' exactly sick but I figured it'd be nice and easy on your throat and it certainly couldn't hurt." you say with a shrug as he takes the bowl from you.

"Thank you Tawny." is all he can manage to put together without blabbing like a fool. You sit next to him on the bed, head down towards your wringing hands in your lap. 

"I took care of the books while you were gone. I hope that's okay," you say meekly. "I asked Howard if he thought it'd be okay and he said yes. I didn't know what everything meant, but I made note of the ones I didn't know about and left it in the book for you."

"You didn't have to do that, sweetheart." he says, sipping away at your cooking. 

"I know," you say, your toe dragging across the floor sheepishly. "I didn't know you'd be in such good shape when you got back so I tried to keep everything running as smoothly as I could if you couldn't see to things for awhile." you defend your choices even though it isn't needed. 

"I'm just about back to normal." he admits with a small nod.

"And I'm happy to hear it." you say, finally turning your face towards his.

"Howard's told me about how you've been working too hard with me gone."

You let out a huff of a laugh. "The work helped distract me."

"From what?"

"From worryin' about you." you admit. 

"Ain't gotta worry about me, Tawny."

"Yeah. Actually, I do." you give him a real smile that makes his heart pump a little faster. "I don't know how much you remember about what we said to each other while you were in the hospital..." you pause to see any hint of recognition in his face.

"I remember." he says quietly. 

"Well, I meant every word." 

"And so did I."

"Then you should know I'm going to take care of you. And this station and whatever else comes our way."

"Our?"

"I don't mean to be so forward, Forrest but I do think of you and me as a team of sorts. I suppose I can't help it, I felt the same way back years ago. Everywhere I'd go you'd find me, and I always happened to be around where you were. Wasn't even intentional on my behalf." you shrug. "I took having you around for granted back then." your voice sounds a bit sad and his lips frown slightly. "I'm certainly not taking having you around for granted now. And how could I after that night." your eyes go wide as you explain yourself. 

"It was always intentional back then," he admits, your heart thumps in your chest at the admission. "Just like it's intentional now." his voice sounds stronger as he moves and takes your hand into his. "Now...I ain't never had no problems talking about things before." he shakes his head, his brow furrowed in thought. "But when I'm around you...I find it hard to find the right words." 

"Lucky for you I'm fluent in Bondurant ." you give him a sweet, supportive smile, nudging him gently with your arm. Seeing as it's just you two alone behind a closed door he lets himself smile. "We've never had to say much to understand what the other meant. We've always spoken the same language, same then as now. Both outcasts in our own ways. Both having life throw things at 'em that we were too young to have gone through. But I think all that's lead to a deeper understanding as to where the other's coming from. Don't You?" you voice inquires, leaning in closer to him.

He clears his throat, a noisy gulp before turning his body to face you, and you do that same. "Right as usual Tawny." he nods, with a subtle smile on his lips. "I've been so used to talking to my brothers...to mostly men, and I don't wanna talk to you the same way. You're a good woman and... beyond that you... well you mean a lot to me." he forces out the words and you try to hold in the swoon as your wide eyes look over his handsome face. 

"You mean a lot to me too." you say softly, his breath catches in his chest at the implications of the words you're saying to each other. 

"I know I can be harsh sometimes. And I don't mean to be with you." his head shakes just slightly, a wince as he does so. 

"That just comes from having to be so strong, sweetheart, you don't have to apologize for that. You also don't have to always be strong around me. Nobody's perfect Forrest, you don't have to pretend to be for my sake. I'm perfectly happy with you just the way you are. In fact, I prefer it." you reach out and stroke his cheek as you speak, his eyes grow less harsh at the gentle touch. 

"You say nobody's perfect but how does that explain you?" his voice is deep and dark, calm as a winter night and so honest it cracked open your ribs and held your heart so tightly it skipped at the honesty.

You can't hide how flustered the words make you. Your lips stutter and you look down at your lap, blush moving across your cheeks as you suck your bottom lip into your mouth sheepishly, quiet little huffs of nervous laughter coming from you. "I'm not..." you shake your head, gathering yourself to meet his eyes again."I'm not perfect Forrest." you manage to whisper out.

"How do you explain how you handled that night then? Hmmm?" he looks to you from under his heavy brow. "And the nights after?" he squeezes your hand. "Howard and Jack don't even know what happened you took care of everything so well."

"I just used common sense Forrest, I-"

"Stop selling yourself short, darlin'." the pet name makes your teeth chatter against each other. "Seein' as I've kept my end of the deal...and I got better as per your orders." a smirk travels across his lips at you and you bite your lip to contain your smile. "Can you keep your end and tell me what happened that night?" he moves his other hand, taking both of yours into your lap and holding them. "Please?"

"Of course. Only fair." you shake your head, batting your lashes at him subconsciously. "I went out to the barn as you know." you begin, your voice becoming more somber. "I came back in to tell you I thought we might have raccoons." your lips pout in your explanation. "I went and ordered traps for 'em already I hope that's okay."

His shoulders shake slightly in laughter at your aloofness, still worrying about taking care of things in the midst of all this traumatic violence. "'Course it is." he says with a charming smile full of amusement at you at you have to focus again, getting lost in it. 

"Uh... I came back in and I suppose they'd already attacked you." you swallow hard and continue. "Then they attacked me." you whisper, hesitant to tell the story as you didn't want to upset him. 

"Go on, Tawny, I wanna know." 

"I gave 'em hell, Forrest. I really did." you nod and your wide eyes earnest.

"I'd expect nothin' less." he gives you another support squeeze of his big hands still enveloping yours. 

"One grabbed me, the one that'd touched me before. His hands got a bit farther this time but I kicked them, then I headbutted him and got away. Grabbed a knife...they came for me again, and I smashed a salt shaker into the other ones face. Which is how I got like this." you hold your hand, still in bandages. 

"Mmmm." he nods. 

"Got glass all in it, but it hurt him real bad and the other one came at me, I shoved my fingers into his eyes and slashed his face a bit. I grabbed his wrist and broke his hand I think? But I... I ended up using the knife to stab his hand." your eyes seem uncertain in the delivery of the words but he couldn't have been more proud of you. "I thought it proper to hurt him as bad as I could manage, seeing as he touched me and all an... well I cut off his fingers." your chin pushes back into your chest in embarrassment.

"What's what face for?" he reaches out, raising your chin back up to face him.

"I suppose I'm just a bit embarrassed about it all. Not very ladylike behavior." you give a little huff of laugh at yourself. 

"No, but it's a very Bondurant behavior." he grins, you could see he was more than supportive of your actions and it made you feel lightheaded at the suggestion.

"Been around you boys too long." you let yourself laugh for a moment, a heavy sigh escaping you. "I got his pinky and ring finger, ended up feedin' 'em to the hogs. After that they ran cause I guess he didn't wanna lose no more fingers." you wrinkle your nose and the childlike expression going with you talking about cutting off a mans fingers makes him smile. He knew he hadn't spoken too soon with calling you perfect. 

"And they left? They didn't... hurt you too bad or...?"

You know he wanted to make sure they hadn't touched you. Which you appreciated. "I mean I got hit and kicked and shoved around a lot, lots of bruises and scrapes but nothin' serious, no." you give a tiny shake of your head. "But then I found you..." you voice falters as the memory hits you, he sees your face fall and it kills him to have you look that way because of him. 

He puts a hand on your arm to steady you, letting you know he was there now. 

"You know what shape you were in." your brows knit together. "I got you in the truck, took you to the hospital and hide my face, hid in the shadows after they took you in, the man who helped carry you seemed like he wasn't even sure if anyone else had been there at all. But that's how I wanted it." you find it within yourself to look him in the eyes. "I knew that if you died I wanted it to seem like it was on your terms. Like you got there yourself. I've heard you talking to Jack and Howard, I know what kind of reputation you have to keep up."

"In the middle of all that you..."

"I knew I couldn't help you no more at that point. I knew someone had to go back and clear the evidence at the station before someone saw."

If he hadn't been injured he would've kissed you right then and there. You were everything he'd needed in a companion, weren't you? He's never felt truly lucky before, never really believed it despite livin' through what hell life had given him. But at this moment he felt really lucky. A look flickers in his eyes you hadn't seen before, and despite yourself, you swear he was looking at you like you were the only thing in the world. 

"So I got back and cleaned and scrubbed and burned my clothes and cleared the truck and the parking lot. Got myself cleaned up and by then all that shock and nerves had worn off and my hand was just fuckin' throbbin' in pain. Nothin's hurt that bad since..." your face falls for a moment. "Since I got hurt when mama died," you say quietly. "So I went to the hospital, knew you weren't dead as soon as I walked in because everyone was talkin' about ya. Got my hand seen to, told 'em I fell down the stairs holding glasses." you shrug. "They didn't ask too many questions."

"They knew better than to mess with someone who works for the Bondurants comin' in lookin' like you did." his chin nods at you almost playfully. 

"And then your brothers showed up. And... then I went and saw ya. That's it."

"I'll never forget seein' you after wakin' up," he speaks quietly, lips pursed together. "Thought I had died, you standing there callin' my name all sweet like that." his eyes move back to yours. You both sigh and your lashes flutter to contain the emotion pouring out of them at the other. "Come 'ere." he says softly, pulling you towards him with one hand, the other arm up and around your shoulders, pressing you into his chest.

"That's the first thing you said to me then too." you smile into the wool sweater he wore, you breathe deeply, wanting to remember what he smelled like. Musky and masculine, faint hint of tobacco, pine, and worn leather. 

"I wanted you close to me same then as I do now." you let your arms wrap around him, being careful not to touch his throat. You feel him kiss the top of your head. "You couldn't have handled things any better than you did. I'm... I couldn't be more proud of ya." he murmurs into your hair. 

You let yourself squeeze him just a little. "I missed you so much." you admit, swallowing to hold back tears.

"I missed you too, sweetheart." You could listen to him call you that forever. "I take it I've still not made you want to run away?"

"I meant it when I said I'm never leavin'. Especially now." you sigh into his chest. 

He kisses your head again, adjusting his grip and pulling you even closer, harder than you thought he might be capable of at this point. But wasn't that just like Forrest, to keep surprising you time and time again?


	13. Chapter 13

You're yawning and stretching, letting the smell of coffee wake you up on the early winter morning. The darkness still holding on due to the time of year. Pulling your thick sweater around you tighter, rubbing your hands together, to warm them, you huddle near the stove you've just turned on to get warm. 

The back door slams and you turn quickly, hearing Forrest stomp with purpose into the room. "The fucking liquor's gone." he hisses to no one in particular. "HOWARD!" he booms, signaling his brother to wake up.

"Gone?" your voice high pitched in confusion, arms crossed over your chest with wide batting eyes. 

"'Bout 200 gallons of it from the storehouse." he spits out, shoulders shifting in a display of anger, his head moving and swiveling like a snake, not meeting your eyes and you're thankful he doesn't. You'd never seen him so mad before. You wanted to rush to him, ask him to calm down because you didn't want him to very literally bust a seam as his neck was still healing. 

Howard comes running down the stairs, hat in his hand, buttoning his half-tucked shirt as he bounded forward. "What the hell's going on?" he asks, eyes bloodshot but wild with concern.

"The liquors gone." he says again, voice deep and full of grit.

"Gone?" he mindlessly responds, his usual expression of a heavy brow and pouted lips to show his confusion.

"You heard what I said, Howard." he answers flatly. "That little fuckin' snake in the grass." he growls as he paces the creaking floor, now trying to calm himself down. "My key's missin'. His truck's gone. He's fuckin' took it. I know it. I could see trouble on him last night. I knew he was up to something. Just didn't expect it to be this." his shakes his head in disappointment that can only come from someone you love. 

"What do you wanna do now?" Howard asks, his mouth slack and brows high. 

"Don't have much of a choice but to wait on his sorry ass. Don't know where the hell he went." his voice lowers in volume but not intensity. You could see the endless scenarios playing behind his eyes are they surveyed the room before him.

You hoped Jack didn't end up getting hurt. This was a bit out of character for him. A much more directly defiant action than the usual teenage rebellion. He'd seemed like he was straightening up but you'd been fooled by a boy before. Your first priority here was Forrest. You couldn't fix the situation but you could try to redirect his anger that currently had no outlet. 

"Forrest?" you say as meekly and sweetly as you can manage. He turns to look at you approach him as if he'd forgotten you were there at all. 

"Hell, Tawny..." he groans, shaking his head and lowering his eyes. "I didn't mean to act like this in front of ya."

"It's fine. I'd be mad as hell too. But if you can't do nothin' right now maybe it's best if you sit down for a minute?" your voice inflects upwards, not wanting to make him feel inferior in some way with your tone. You just didn't want him to pop open again at the rate his heart must've been pumping. 

He huffs air out of his nostrils nosily in response, his jaw tight.

"I'm not tryin' to baby ya or nothin' but it ain't good to get so riled up so soon." you kindly suggest, looking him in the eyes as you approach, hoping it'll disarm him. Luckily you were right. "Sit down and I'll make you breakfast. You can gather your thoughts and it'd ease my mind tremendously if you would." You try to work him in your favor by making it about him helping you out. Something he always said he'd do. 

"Yeah." is all he says, face still angry as he moves to the bar and sits down, hunched over like a pouting bear.   
\--------------  
You'd gotten Forrest from boiling to simmering, giving him some hot tea and sitting him out on the porch to literally cool off after putting a big breakfast in him. 

You see Jack's vehicle pull up and you hear Forrest grumble at Howard. You step out onto the porch, pulling the thick outer later across you tightly. 

"I know! Just hear me out first!" you hear him plead. Jack's already standing at the foot of the stairs. He's pouring out a bag of money as you shut the door behind you, your eyes grow wide. "I heard about some men from outta town that wanted to buy a whole hell of a lotta shine. I knew you couldn't do it, and no offense to ya..." he takes his hat off and lowers his head to his older brother. "But with you being out of commission for a bit I thought I'd take a chance and try things my way."

"And just hope it fuckin' worked out?" Forrest's head shakes back and forth as he speaks in a condescending tone. 

"It's called a leap of faith Forrest. And this one paid off big time. $2000 worth of big time." he says motioning with his hands to the pile of money on the porch.

"And just who did you sell to?" his tone still doesn't show that he's impressed in the least.

"I...Floyd Banner." he says in a much quieter tone.

"Floyd Banner!" he says loudly, rolling his eyes and sighing. "You goin' 'around thinkin' you're some damn gangster and you're just a kid, Jack."

"Well this kid got twice what you get and moved twice as much in one go as you do in a month 'round here." he says defensively. 

Forrest grunts and you and Howard share a worried look. Even hurt Forrest could easily injure the soft boy, if it came to that. 

"I also got something else." he says, pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket and holding it out to Forrest.

"What's that now?" his eyes narrow.

"Address of those bastards that tried to kill you." he says with dark enthusiasm. 

You can tell Forrest's affected, his posture straightens and his chin pushes back into his chest. 

"And how'd you get that?"

"Banner himself."

"Oh well, if Banner says it it must be gospel." he shakes his head. 

"He told me it was Rakes that sent those men here that night."

And with that, yours and Forrest's hair prickles up the back of your neck, and it wasn't from the cold. 

Jacks eyes move to you too, having put together that they'd also come after you. 

"He told me Rakes had been trying to get men together from 'round here to gang up on ya. He's behind Junior disappearin' too." he says looking you in the eyes and you can't hide the worry in your face. "He's been trying to draw ya out. Banner turned 'em down. He don't want no trouble with us, just our business. The men that came after ya used to work for him. Couple 'a defectors. And when those boys up burnt chimney didn't do the job he sent those two in after ya. So don't be blamin' Banner...blame that sonofabitch Rakes." he walks up the stairs and holds the paper out to Forrest. He doesn't move to take it. "Just fuckin' take it, Forrest. Despite all this I've gone and done I guess I got chores to do?" his tone is full of sass and your eyes go wide, just picturing Forrest's big hand around Jack's slender neck in rage. 

Jack sits the paper on Forrest's chest and grumbles and walks past you into the station. You glance at Howard, he's as wide-eyed as you. You both look to Forrest, trying not to be obvious about it. Looking a bull in the eyes was never a wise idea. 

He clears his throat, looking at the paper before putting it in his pocket. "Get that money into the office Howard." he commands in a flat tone. You could tell he was feeling something, maybe not anger like he was, maybe embarrassment, and you didn't want to make it worse so you follow Howard back into the station after he puts the money back in the burlap sack.   
\---------  
So it's dusk and being winter the station isn't pulling too much business, so you close up early. Forrest's walking down the stairs with his same usual powerful saunter, a lit cigar in his mouth as he approaches you. 

"Howard you go on out to the car I gotta talk to Tawny." his brother ducks out of the station and does as he's told. 

You meet him with wide eyes. You knew what he was about to go do. You didn't hold it against him, part of you wishes you could be there to dole out some punishment yourself. 

"I reckon you know what I'm about to go do." he says quietly.

"Yeah." you nod, your voice soft. 

"MmmHmm," he grunts, a frown on his face, expecting you to try to give him grief but it never came. He looks around before moving in closer, taking your hands into his. "I'm gonna kill them for what they did to you Tawny. And for what they did to me." his eyes connect to yours, still searching for fear or disgust or something but it still wasn't there. Just big grass green doe eyes blinking slowly up at him. "I couldn't kill Cliff for ya... but... I can kill them." his voice is deep and certain. You give him a nod of understanding, touched at the gesture of wanting to exact revenge on your behalf. "I'll make 'em pay, sweetheart, I swear it." his voice almost falters, as a sweet and supportive look comes over your face. One he didn't feel he deserved for what he was planning on doing.

"I know you will Forrest," you say quietly, patting his rough knuckles with your painted nails. "And I'll be right here waitin' for ya when you're done." your chin lifts up to him, no judgment, only understanding on your face. 

"Hell Tawny..." he can't help but gruff out at the feelings he's struck with for you as you do nothing but accept him and what he did in the name of survival. "You're really stayin' for me?"

"Always." you give him a certain nod. He leans down and kisses your forehead, lips lingering as he squeezes your hands. If he hadn't been in such a vengeful mindset he would've taken the time to tell you how proud of you he was, maybe it showed through his eyes just a little bit regardless. You understood what he had to do and why he had to do it. That was more than he ever could've asked for in another person. "As long as you promise to keep comin' back...you don't have to worry about me not bein' here when ya come home. No matter what it is you get up to out there." you smile up at him as he pulls away. 

"I'm gonna finish off what you started with them."

"Give those bastards hell, hun. Leave 'em in such a state no one'll think about comin' for the Bondurants again." your lip snarls just slightly and he feels his heart thump in his chest. Dear lord, you were perfect, weren't ya?  
\------  
Forrest and Howard come back around midnight. Forrest had taken his time with those two men, cutting them from tail to trotters, leaving them in pieces on the floor of the ramshackle house they'd been hiding in. 

When Forrest stopped to look at the time as they pulled back into the station, he knew you'd be there but he thought you might've fallen asleep by now. He wasn't sure how you'd take to seeing him in such a state. He and Howard both were covered in blood. It wet their hair and stuck between the cracks in the soles of their shoes. He sees a light behind the station, his eyes narrow in question as he enters the dark and quiet building.

You enter from the back door, where he sees a barrel burning high. You place a book you'd been reading on a table as you pass it, your eyes travel over the two men, intimidating bone dry but soaked in blood you now understood where the myth's about the Bondurant's came from. 

They don't meet your eyes, not even Howard, as if they were ashamed, or just worried about what your reaction may be to the state they were in. 

"I've got a barrel burnin' out back," you say calmly, your eyes wide open but no fear behind them. "You boys get out of those clothes and I'll burn 'em. Ain't no savin' 'em now." you shake your head. "Bathrooms got everything you boys'll need to get washed up. Throw those clothes in the burlap sacks I got in there so I don't have to scrub blood out of the floorboards tonight too, ya hear?" you say in a polite but authoritative tone. 

"Yes, Miss Tawny." in almost unison from both of them, Howard takes the downstairs bathroom and Forrest stops short of the stairs a few feet away from you. He turns his face to you, finding you were already watching him. 

"You hurt?" you ask, walking slowly towards him, placing a hand on the banister by his. 

"No." he grunts out. 

"Good." you give him a smile and it confuses him as he's aware of how he looks. "Go get washed up, hun. I'm sure you're tired." your eyes look him over and you take a step back. "Bring your clothes out to me when you're done and you can tell me what happened." you give him a nod and disappear down the hall. You had seen violence. Your words caught him off guard with their kindness and thoughtfulness but he realizes he should be getting used to that. He wouldn't have wished this kind've life, this violence on you if he'd had a choice. But for the first time, he's thankful you'd had a hard life because it made you fit into his so perfectly.   
\-----  
You're by the barrel, arms crossed and keeping warm by the fire. The night is silent around you, everything still and cold, blanketed in winter. 

Howard brings his clothes out. "Thank ya for this, Tawny. You didn't have to go thinkin' 'bout doin' this for us."

"Nonsense Howard. You're my boys, as long as I'm here I'm gonna be lookin' out for ya. Get used to it." you give him a smile that it seemed like he sorely needed. 

"Bless your heart, lil Tawny." he shakes his head, a grin appearing on his face. "We're mighty lucky you came back... ya know that?" he says with a dip of his head.

"I don't know that luck's got anything to do with it."

"All us Bondurant's got is luck." he laughs, turning to head back into the station.

"Yeah but I ain't a Bondurant Howard." you say with a wrinkle of your nose to accompany the huff of a laugh as you prod the bag deep into the flames. 

"You sure about that?" he laughs, quirking an eyebrow at you before heading to his room.  
\--  
Forests heavy footsteps in their unique gate make their way towards you. He clears his throat and you turn to face him as he holds out the bag to you. You take it and bury it in embers with Howards, using a shovel to push it down and destroy it. 

He moves closer, his hair still damp and skin scrubbed pink. He smells of soap and that old leathery brandy smell that stays in your mind long after he's gone. 

"Tawny?" his deep voice moving over you, warming you like the flames. He stands by your side, his arm pressed against yours and the touch doesn't go unnoticed by you. 

"Hmmm?" you hum, looking up to his face, lit by the flickering light of the flames that played over his handsome features. He looked even more enchanting in this light, but you bet he'd look handsome even in the pitch black of a new moon night.

"I wanted to thank you." he gruffs out with a nod as he looks into the fire.

"What for, hun?" your sincere tone makes his eyes return to your face, finding your eyes wide and wanting. 

"This." he takes a hand from his pocket, motioning to the burning barrel. You see his hands are scratched and bruised. "For savin' me. For lettin' people think I's the one who brought myself to the hospital." he admits, you see his Adam's apple bob under his thick neck. 

"You don't gotta thank me for that." you whisper, shaking your head. 

"I am, now. You need to know." he says more assertively. 

"Alright Forrest." you nod and reach out to touch his arm, your instincts tell you it might calm him. It does. 

"And for you handling yourself so well that night." you nod, your eyes tell him the same thing. He didn't even have to thank you. 

"I'm tougher than I look." you give him a small smile, your hand falling from his arm. But before it reaches your side he takes it in his and your breath catches. You swing your head towards him swiftly. 

"I know you cleaned this place and handled the cops asking questions about what happened," he says quietly. "Now I'm man enough to admit that without you I'd be dead." 

Your lip trembles at the thought of losing him. He sees the sadness pass over your face.

"Now that's just a fact tawny, I ain't trying to start nothin' with ya." a smile he doesn't expect blooms across your face. 

"I didn't take it as such." you whisper, nose twitching as you stop the sniffling. You turn to him, your hands wrapping around his large, rough one. "We gotta survive. I know this. I get how it works. And I ain't goin' nowhere so... I knew I might as well just start actin' like ya'll do. So I paid attention, and with that and a good bit of common sense I managed to do be of some use this time." you give him a small shrug.

"That implies you aren't useful other times." his chin lowers, trying to gently correct your thinking.

You blink slowly at him. "Well.." he moves his other hand to yours now, leaning in to speak purposely but softly. 

"Since you got back I can't think of a single time you've not been useful to us." he clears his throat. "I don't like you talkin' 'bout yourself like that Tawny now..." he shakes his head. "You gotta know how important you are to us." you nod and he sees you understand. 

"I'm not used to hearing it is all." your whisper is more rasp. Perhaps you thought yourself useless because it seems no one else had seen your worth. Their loss was his gain. 

"I'll try to make it a point to tell ya then," he says with a nod. Your eyes bat and he sees a veil of tears over them. "Miss Tawny..." he whispers, holding you to his chest. He'd never felt compelled to hold someone as close to him as possible before. You're taken by surprise at the gesture but it was exactly what you needed. You close your eyes and wrap your arms around him, under his cardigan, your cheek to his chest. 

"I just.." you sigh. "I've never had anyone tell me I'm important. Useful. I don't know how to take it." he hears your voice crack with emotion.

"S'all right," he says, quieting you, cutting you off before you worked yourself up again. "I never say nothin' I don't mean." 

"I know. I love that about you." his heart races for a moment at your choice in words. "Ain't no one ever been able to calm my racin' thoughts like you 'cause I know you wouldn't ever hurt me." 

"I'd never." he whispers you feel his grip tighten just slightly. 

You stand there for a while like that. You listen to his heart and it lulls you. You yawn and with the fire dying he suggests you go to bed. You agree and rub your eyes. He walks you upstairs, following behind you like a guard dog, stopping at your doorway.

"Thank you, Forrest." you whisper, tiptoeing, you hold his cheek and kiss the other. He takes in the warm and sleepy look on your face. 

"No...thank you Tawny." he returns the kiss, but to your forehead. Your hand still on his face, he lingers again, your eyes shut blissfully at the warm intimate contact. And with that, you part for the night, both having racing hearts you now knew the cause of. The long embrace and the lingering lips weren't an end to anything, they were just the beginning.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories in italics. NSFW.

The weeks that passed after Jack had acted out and Forrest found his revenge on the men who had wronged you both were the happiest you'd ever had. The money was pouring in after they started shipping past the county line. You felt fulfilled with the work you were doing and with your good attitude and the name of your employers behind you no one messed with you again. Sure Rakes was still coming for the boys, taking out their cousins and all the small batch makers around the county, but your Bondurants still remained untouched.

It wasn't without its long nights though, when Forrest would go on runs with Jack and Howard, leaving you to pace the floors and drink to dull your nerves. But when he said he would come back to you, you did your best to believe him. And every night, or early morning he'd come back home to you. If you were awake he'd wait until his brothers were in their rooms, you'd see each other in the cracks of your open bedroom doors, and he'd push his door open just a little more while his tired eyes looked into yours and you'd move to him as quick as your feet would carry you.

He'd been particularly timid the first night you'd come to his room after everyone else went to bed. You'd knocked gently, your face parting the door from the frame, his fingers already working on the buttons on his shirt. He stuttered in greeting you, but you couldn't wait.

You shut the door quietly behind you and rushed to him, wrapping your arms around him as tightly as you could. He stood shocked at first, not sure what to do with the unforeseen show of affection.

"I know you tell me not to worry and I do anyway." you rub your face into the thin fabric of his shirt. "But I just can't help myself." you sigh out. "I'm just so relieved every time you come back to me." you'd pull back and wrap your arms around his neck, kissing his cheek and burying your face in his shoulder.

Your admission makes his heart thump against his chest and you take notice of it as you feel his pulse against your cheek. He lets himself feel it, enjoy it, and reciprocate. His hands slowly move to embrace you back, one hand moving to the back of your head, strong fingers catching in your curls as he stroked them.

"You know I'll come back to ya every time Tawny. Ain't nothin' gonna keep me away from you is there?" he whispers, pressing his mouth into your hair and smelling the sweet floral scent that you carried everywhere with you.

These tiny sweet moments alone sustained your heart, filled it to the brim with a love you'd never felt before. Although he didn't say it, you felt that he was going through much the same for you. Every time he'd come back from a run, you'd wait impatiently in your room, waiting for the wordless signal, sneaking in and holding each other tight for a few beautiful moments before heading back to bed. You were an absolute fool for the man and you didn't care in the slightest.

The best nights were the ones where he didn't go with Jack on runs, letting him and or Howard or him and Cricket and Junior handle the most established and less risky trips. Those nights you two were left alone, the whole station to yourselves.

You'd cook dinner just for the two of you, special things that took all day, pies and sweets to match. If he wasn't sure about liking something he'd get that funny look on his face, that exaggerated frown and he'd grunt and shake his head. You'd have to scoot closer to him, baby talking him as he narrowed his eyes, holding the fork out with insistence as he'd always give in and you'd feed it to him with a snort as he glared at you with no real ill feeling behind it.

"Eh..." he'd chew and shrug, a mischievous look in his eyes.

"Good right? C'mon don't lie just to save face now." you'd laugh and he'd break when he'd see that big smile of yours that you only gave him beaming his way and he couldn't help but let his lips curl into one as well. "That's a good boy, now." you'd chuckle, kissing his head and taking the empty plates to the sink. By the time you'd come back the plate with the dessert on it would always be empty. He loved the smug smile you'd give him every time, bumping his shoulder with your hip as you shook your head at him.

Your favorite was the nights spent together on the back porch. You'd sit and wait for him in your rocking chair. He'd come out with a heavy blanket, wrapping it around your shoulders, a hand resting on your hair affectionately before he walked around to sit in the chair the matched yours. He's put his hand palm up on the arm of his chair, and you'd lace your fingers together and sit together all night hand in hand. The sides of the arms of the rocking chairs had the paint worn away from where they stayed side by side, rubbing up against each other with your hands rested interlocked. You lulled yourself with the rhythmic back and forth by the creak of the floorboards underneath you against the sound of the falling snow. Sometimes he'd lift your hand up to kiss it, and you'd gather his big arm in both of yours and rest your head on his shoulder. In the particularly cold nights, he'd reach for both of your hands, rubbing them between his, holding his mouth up to his cupped hands and breathing, warming them up when he deemed them too cold. You'd do the same for him and he'd grunt, an amused sound as you had to do his hands one by one, both of yours barely doing any warming from the size difference. You mostly did it to make him laugh at this point, a rare sound but one you could hear if the mood struck him when you were alone.

If the boys were still gone by the time you'd start yawning, he'd walk you up to bed, hand on your lower back and another around your upper arm to move you up the stairs. He'd turn his back as you changed, which only started after you'd told him you knew he wouldn't look and you didn't mind if he was in the room as it took all of a few minutes to get back into bed. He'd turn and rub his eyes, tucking you in, pushing your hair back from your face and kiss you anywhere but on the lips. Some nights he'd get close, a little low on your cheek and your heart would race, leaving you awake again after he left. You'd reach out a hand after him as his weight would leave the bed, he'd look at it and smile, grabbing one of your fingers and shaking it before his eyes turned back to you, a grunt and a nod before you tell each other goodnight in the sweetest, softest voices either of you had ever heard.

He never tried to go any further, and neither did you. Your heart was full with knowing it was only you that he let his lips and hands touch at all. He'd filled you with more love with a simple glance than you'd ever remembered feeling before and it was enough. You weren't about to offend him by trying for more, you knew he was the man of the house and because of this, you let him make the decisions as to when and where...and if he would take things any further between the two of you.  
\-----------  
Jack had been working on a super sweet apple brandy. It being your favorite to begin with, you'd wholly supported him testing out new flavors and you and Forrest were reaping the benefits of it currently. You'd mixed some into the apple pie you'd made for the to of you, perhaps you'd gone a bit heavy handed on it in the recipe, but neither of you complained about it. You were both buzzy and happy, having a jar each to drink from throughout the night, not having to share with anyone else since Jack was out with Junior someplace and Howard was up tending the stills for a few days.

At this point, it was safe to say you were both a bit drunk. Forrest, always the patriarch, is out doing rounds while you cleaned up inside. He takes his time, enjoying how the cold night air feels on his flushed face from the alcohol, sobering him up just enough. He hears music from inside, looking up to see you in your window. He catches glimpses of you in the flickering candlelight of the room, your feminine, soft robe hanging off your shoulders, moving it in your small hands as you spun and moved your body to the music. He makes his way back inside, everything locked and cleared to his liking as he heads up to your room.

You're feeling wonderful, drunk enough to feel euphoric as you spin too fast to the music and plop onto the bed with a giggle and a flush of your face before standing and going back to dancing. You'd gotten ready for bed, putting on a new matching sleep set of a green velvet gown and robe. The gown had thin straps, lace hem on the bottom and across the chest, hitting you above the knee. The robe hit almost to your ankles and lay untied and open across your body as closing it would've made you start to sweat with the heat leaving your skin from the booze. You hear his heavy footsteps move slowly up the stairs, your door still open and you hear them stop in the doorway.

"C'mon in Forrest." you give him permission to join you. He wouldn't come into your room without expressed permission from you even still and you found his manners to be something that mama Bondurant would've been proud of.

"I don't mind this one so much." he says, gesturing to the record player. The slow twang and deep voice of country song float about the room as he shuts the door behind him out of habit, encapsulating you both in a bubble of sound.

"The mandolin always gets me." you say with a lazy smile, shoulder moving back and forth to the beat. He finds himself staring, watching your milky white skin glowing in the moonlight that poured in through the crack in the curtains. It lit you like a dream, and with your eyes shut, face soft and content with the blissful, warm feeling the Bondurant shine gave you, he let his eyes wander further down your body in his still buzzy mental state. He recalls the way seeing your body move much like the way it was now would affect him as a younger man. The shared glances at barn dances, the quickening of your pulses and the many questions the stolen glances raised. But you'd never danced together.  
\------  
_He sat on a hay bale among the noise, a jar in his hand. He sat in a half circle of the boys he went to school with, all slick and washed up for possible courtin' purposes. He'd done the same but never expected anything to actually come of it._

_It seemed tonight you were in rare form. Your little feet were kicking high, and not gracefully, almost like you're angry but the jar of Bondurant shine you held in your hand was making the motions softer as you still kept the beat to what the elders were playing. You didn't always dance, but he was always thankful for the sight when you did. The bounces and jiggles of your newly fleshed out curves going unnoticed to most everyone but him it seemed._

_None of the other boys ever spoke of you like they did the other girls, and he never understood that. But you weren't like the other girls, especially not in his eyes. You weren't busying yourself with what they fussed over with boys and wanting marriage and babies. You were busy working and when you weren't working you were reading. You acted a lot older than you were, you acted a lot like him. You were quieter, more private. You kept your head down and worked hard and he always thought that was a noble pursuit. Even if the other boys thought you were weird, taking your daydreaming aloofness as a lack of intelligence. Although thinking a girl was dumb sure hadn't stopped them from pursuing any of the other ones that would've actually fit that description. He'd never had a cross thought about you in that way, he knew better. He didn't understand why no one was whispering about how pretty you were at the get-togethers. He thought you were most appealing out of all of them. It was like you were a secret he got to keep to himself._

_He's deep in thought about you, as he usually found himself when he'd get drunk. The flames glint off the glass jar in your hand, catching his attention. He thought about how it was his folk's shine, and thus his that was making you dance like this. And so in some small and technical way, that he, as a Bondurant was what was making you behave in such a way. This thought amuses him to the point of laughter. The other boys all turn to look at him, confused looks on their faces. Who could blame them though, Forrest never laughed like that. He clears his throat to cover the sound and harden his expression. He tries to focus on the casual rambling and gossip of the other young men, trying to shift his focus off of you before he did something stupid._  
\-------  
You take his hand and his brow furrows in question as he looks at it lace into his own.

"Would you think it silly of me to ask you for a dance Forrest?" you ask with batting lashes.

"Have you ever seen me dance?" he asks, a rhetorical sort of question with a smirk on his face. You were thankful to find it so easy going, hoping the drink had loosened him up as much as it had you.

"No but I thought it was worth a shot." you shrug and smile up at him.

"Why you wanna dance with me?" his voice teasing, a nod and narrowing of his eyes down at you.

"Well I never got to when we was kids, did I?" you state obviously, hips still moving subtly to the beat.

"No ma'am" he shakes his head.

"Thought I might make up for lost time." you let out a giggle, moving closer to him, face full of mischief.

"Mmm is that what you're doin' now?" voice low and playfully warning you as his lips turn up into a smile, eyebrows raising at your expense.

"Mmm Hmm. Can't blame me for wantin' to get close to you now can you?" you shamelessly flirt with a grin that he finds he's powerless against.

"My goodness Miss Tawny." he shakes his head, a closed mouth smile appearing. "What am I gonna do with you, hmm?" he closes the space between you, blocking all the light from the window behind him and you bat your lashes up at him.

"You're gonna dance with me." you say slowly, sweetly.

"Ah hell, sweetheart." he groans, holding a hand out slowly. You stare at it a bit too long. "Ya change your mind?" he asks smugly.

"Of course not. I just wasn't sure what you were doin'." you say with a giggle. "Never know with you, do I?" you lilt and you both gaze adoringly as you step closer to him.

"In your defense...I never know with me neither." his brow furrows as he leans in close. He lets out a sigh at the smile you beam at him. The smile that you only give him, that one only he gets to see and cherish.

You look away, taking his hand tightly, "Well lucky for you even if you don't know what you're doing you can slow dance." you put his hand around to your back, pressing your body against his. You feel him stiffen, but still less rigid than any other time he was sober and in public.

"Slow dancin' I can manage." he muses.

"Lucky me." your voice soft, almost a whisper, putting your arm around him to his back. The music is slow and languid, you move in time, your cheek on his barrel chest, the feel on the cotton shirt against your skin, the heat of the skin under it. You hum contently.

"Don't go passin' out on me." he teases, his hand strong and certain against your back.

"And miss this?" your happy little smile resting under closed eyes makes his heart thump faster and he knows you must hear it. And you do, eliciting another content hum as he floods with relief at your acceptance of his behavior. You stay like that for a bit, just drinking in the closeness to each other. You don't know if you've ever felt as good as you did right now.

"Sweetheart?" he asks, you move to look up at him, your eyes half-lidded, lips pouted just slightly. "If...If I were to ask you somethin'....somethin' I might not have the courage to ask sober... you wouldn't think less of me would you?" his voice is shaky, something you'd never heard before.

"I can't think of anything you'd do to make me think less of ya." you assure him.  
The nod and grunt combination reappears. He clears his throat. "I just wanna tell you how special you are to me." your lips pout but not from sadness, just the opposite. "I don't...I'm not good at...uh...expressin' feelings like the ones I have for you. I hope that don't make you think they aren't there." he pauses, finding it in himself to meet your eyes. "Cause they are." his eyes blink faster, moving about the room in his nervousness. "And I wanted to know..." he shakes his head, trying to find the words. You don't rush him, you'd never rush something like this. You'd waited most of your life for these words, you could wait for a few more breaths.  
\-----  
_You wring your hands and wait for Mrs. Bondurant to appear in the doorway. She gets a confused look on her face, seeing a suitcase sat by your feet._

_"What is it Tonya? Everything alright?" she asks, a gentle hand resting on your shoulder._

_"Well..." you let out a heavy sigh, finding it hard to meet her eyes. "I wanted to thank y'all for all you've done for me while I've been workin' for ya."_  
_She can tell there's more to come so she gives you a supportive nod, retracting her hands back to her apron._

_"I'm leavin'."_

_"Leavin'?" her voice higher pitched in her surprise._

_"Yeah. I'm headin' to the city. Got my ticket and everything." you say patting the train ticket in your pocket._

_"The city? You got family up there?" she didn't know of anyone you had besides your stepfather._

_"No." you shake your head. "I've just got to get out of here. I'm sorry for not givin' you further notice. This ain't last minute or nothin' but it's been hard to make myself tell y'all I's leavin'."_

_"Honey, you can't go to the city by yourself," she says, her eyes worried. "I know you're a smart and strong girl Tonya but the city ain't like here child." she shakes her head._

_"I know." you nod and she sees the determination in your eyes. "That's precisely why I'm goin'." you bend to pick up your suitcase._

_"Are you needin' a place to stay? You don't have to run off, you're more than welcome here with us baby. You ain't in any trouble are ya?"_

_You give her a sad but sweet smile. "Thank you for bein' so good to me Mrs. Bondurant, but this is just somethin' I gotta do. Tell the boys and Mr. Bondurant the same. Y'all are the only things I'll miss about here." you keep the same sad expression._

_"If there ain't no stoppin' ya then...well I guess this is goodbye then? They boys'll be mighty sad to know you're leavin'. You want to say goodbye before you head off?" she reaches out to hug you, giving you a supportive pat to the back._

_"No, I can't. Let 'em know I'm sorry. Let Forrest know I'm sorry." she sees the tears start in your eyes. You wouldn't have been able to leave if you have to see him. It was a cowardly move but you felt you had to get out and couldn't risk being talked into staying._

_"Of course honey. You be safe. Write or somethin' you know we'll be worried about ya."_

_"Thanks again Mrs.Bondurant. I'll try." you take a deep breath and take in the house one more time before you turn and head down the stairs, starting your long trek to the train station._

_Forrest had seen you coming to the station. Knowing you weren't scheduled to work he was hoping you were making a social call. But as he hides at the top of the stairs, overhearing your conversation with his mother his heart sinks. His eyes lose the spark they once held, he feels a new feeling sitting in his throat like a hard unmoveable lump. He moves quickly after you tell her goodbye, standing in his bedroom window and watching you walk down the road. He felt too many things right now to process. His eyelashes fluttered, he felt like he couldn't breathe. You hadn't even said goodbye to him. There's no way he could've been wrong about how you felt about him. You were never good at hiding your emotions and when he looked into your eyes he'd known you cared about him the same way he'd cared about you. So why were you leaving now?_

_"Strangest thing just happened. little Tonya just told me she's leaving. Wished us well and just...well you probably saw her walkin' with her suitcase." her mother says, walking into his room and standing by the window next to him. "There she goes. I tried to stop her but, she's just about as stubborn as you are dear." she muses. "What was it that you'd wanted to talk to me about that you were actin' like it wasn't makin' you all nervous?" she asks, hand brushing his hair out of his face._

_He stares out the window, eyes dull and watery. Inside, knowing asking her about his intentions with you was pointless now. "Weren't nothin'." he shakes his head, an audible gulp, a grunt with a clearing of his throat. He hears Jack start to cry and turns his head to the sound. "I'll get him, Ma." he says, his voice flat as he walks past her and out of the room._

_His mother looks out the window with a heavy sigh. You were the only girl she knew of that he'd ever liked in such a way. She knew she couldn't change your mind with the look you had in your eye, she knew Cliff was awful to you and she couldn't blame you, not really. She only wished she could save her son the heartbreak. The first is always the worst. But she was still rooting for both of you, and she hoped you come back._  
\--------

"You...you feel the same way about me...don't you?" his eyes narrow, chin pushing into his chest as he looks back into your eyes. You couldn't believe there was any uncertainty in them.

"Very much so." your smile isn't as silly as it had been. It was like he was confessing how he felt to you and you were 16 again, like he'd hoped to do before you'd left. Your smile reminiscent of that same one he remembered was directed at him, and here you were, a grown woman in his grown man arms. Right where he'd thought you'd always fit so perfectly. And you did.

"No one's ever made me feel the way you do, Tawny. When you pulled back in that day I...I don't rightly know what the hell I thought ." his arm on your back moves more around you, pulling you closer. "I still don't believe it sometimes...you being so good for me. We were so close right there before you left." he whispers.

"We were?" your smile fades, batting lashes under raised brows in surprise.

"I was." he confesses, voice dropping low and quiet.

"I had no idea." he sees the apology in your eyes. "But we're close now aren't we?" you say with a small half smile to soothe him.

"I like to think after this we will be." you tilt your head up at him.

Your wide eyes ask him his meaning. "After what Forrest?" you look so beautiful it seems almost a shame to take the look off your face, but he knew he couldn't stop himself any longer. You see his eyes move to your lips, you feel your heart skip a beat. He leans in slowly, patiently just like he did with everything. He presses his lips to yours. You completely still against him. this leads him to pull back, but he does it so slowly as he doesn't want it to end, just in case there's rejection on the other side of this kiss. there had never been a worry so needless.

He'd set your bones on fire with the press of his soft lips against yours, you couldn't breathe, you couldn't do anything but feel the heat of him against you. You take in a noisy inhale as his lips finally part from yours. You'd never had a kiss feel like that before. He searches your face for rejection, for anything but you just looked...peaceful. He wondered as your eyes looked at his lips, the shining emeralds move to meet his and he sees his worries had been unfounded.

He let's go of your hand, his eyes watching it as he slowly moved across your soft skin, up your arm and taking the side of your face. You could feel his fingers lose their shakiness as they lay soft and gentle across your cheek. His thumb brushes across your lips just once, and not only the soft sigh you admit, but the tiniest of moans behind it, so small and sweet it made his stomach ache. You pucker your lips against his thumb and his posture slumps.

"Kiss me, Forrest." you whisper before he presses against you once more. This time he doesn't stop. A single press turns to another, deep inhales and exhales through noses, bodies as closely pressed together as possible. It was as if your soul left your body in a useless flaming heap. Your ears rang, electricity buzzed through you as you felt his brow furrow, head tilting farther to the side. You'd always loved the way the word sensual made you feel when you read it in dirty books, but you'd never experienced it. Not until tonight. The air in the room was thick and heavy, sweat started to form on your skin from the way he made your body hum like a machine.

You were like a coke bottle in his hands in the middle of summer. All sweet with the perfect shaped curves for his hands to hold you. Sweat running down your skin like perspiration off the bottle, and he wanted to drink in every last drop of you.

You're overtaken by your need for a moment, forgetting to act in moderation as you move your hands up to around his neck, pulling him closer, he bends to you easily, hand leaving your face, his big strong arms now wrapped around you, splayed hands across your back, roaming ever so slightly. As your hands move into his hair you both make needful sounds. He squeezes you so tightly your toes only touch the floor, forcing a suppressed moan out and across his lips.

"Forrest." you whisper in a blissful sigh when his lips reach your neck. You let your head fall to the side, giving him anything he wanted from you.

"Tawny." he groans out as he pulls away, both your chests heaving against the other. "What're we doin'?" he asks, face clearly not wanting to stop, you figured he was trying not to offend you with his actions, recognizing in himself that longer this went on the harder it would be to stop.

"I don't know about you but I'm doin' what I always to." he hums, eyes dark and half-lidded. "Forrest?" you ask, his eyes leaving your lips, meeting yours again.

"Mmph?" he grunts, kissing your cheek, you shut your eyes and smile with the sweet gesture.

"I have somethin' that I wanna tell you too..." he kisses you softly.

"What you wanna say, sweetheart." his deep, lustful voice made you feel dizzy.

"Seein' as we're...here. Doin'...this." you whisper. "I hope you won't think less of me for wantin' to be with you like this and us not married. I just...I wanna be yours." he hears your self-doubt in your voice, he kisses you gently, one hand to your cheek. "I love you, Forrest." you whisper against his lips.

"Tawny..." he purrs out your name in a breathy exhale.

"I love you. I think...maybe I always did." you had so many things you wanted to say, a seal is broken on your true feelings for him. But before you can you feel his chest heave as he pushes his mouth against yours, lips grasping at your own. You could feel it down into your toes, he loved you too.

"I don't recall a time that I knew you and didn't love you, Tawny." he confesses, nose grazing against yours, eyes soft and vulnerable as they gazed into your own.

"You love me?" you smile, your voice a weak rasp in your affected state.

"I do. I love you." his voice quiet and soft as his lips graze over your own, light and reserved with their tender touch.

"Would you make me yours tonight Forrest?" you whisper against him as his hand runs through your hair.

"Are you sure, darlin'?"

"You're the only thing I've ever felt sure about." he hums and holds your face in his big rough hands before pressing his lips against yours in a passionate collision as you whine and hold onto him tightly.

You barely have to move at all as he practically carries you to the edge of the bed.

You part from his lips and whisper, "Sit on the bed." spinning around as he sits on your command with dazed eyes. The look in his eyes in hungry but hesitant, you feel wanted but you have to make sure he knows you want him even more. You turn off the record player and return to him. You didn't want to miss a single breath from him tonight. You wanted to touch, taste, smell and hear everything that he was composed of.

You push your robe off your shoulders, moving between his legs. His eyes watch you kneel before him, absolutely spellbound by the fearlessness in your eyes as he sees the soft curves of your breasts and shoulders, delicate fingers highlighted by both candle and moonlight as they take off his boots. Such a subservient and loving gesture he thought as you took his socks off after, the feeling of your hands on his touch starved skin making his whole body bloom with goosebumps.

You stand and lean into him, your fingers moving through his hair and pushing his chin up towards you. He shuts his eyes at the feeling of your nails gently raking over his scalp and a deep grunt follows. The tips of your fingers run down the shell of his ear to his neck onto the collar of his shirt, hands moving slowly and unbuttoning it for him. You're so gentle with him, even though you doubt you need to be. You savor every scar and hair your senses take in as you revel the broad expanse of his chest. You can't help but lick your lips as your breathing picks up, hands slow and trembling as your run them up his chest to his shoulders, pushing the shirt downs his arms.

You can hear the deep rumbling of breathing in his chest after he settles from pulling his arms out of their sleeves. He's intoxicated by the way you look at him, wet lips parted just slightly as your hands move across the scarred skin with nothing but love in your eyes. You lean down to place single kisses on his shoulders, hand moving up and down his strong arms, squeezing, feeling the strength that underneath his skin. You plant a kiss to his chest as you try to soothe the grunt of nervousness that comes with your undoing his belt. You unfasten his pants, and leave it at that for now, not wanting to push too far just yet.

You take a deep breath, his eyes searing into you, watching every movement as your fingers slip under the thin straps of your gown. You see his hands clench and unclench, his nostrils flare as you let the gown fall slowly. Left only in your panties in the cold room, your skin chills, he watches your nipples harden and rise as the bumps travel across your skin.  
His hands move slowly as they always do before they reach your hips and land softly to rest on your bones. His lashes flutter, thumbs stroking lazily over the swell of your hips as you move closer, resting your hands on his shoulders. Your fingers touch him much the same way his do you, soft caresses at the base of his head. His eyes move over your body, his chest now rising and falling faster as he takes in the sight before him.

"Forrest..." you whisper, he's met with doe eyes and a sweet smile as he raises his head to you. He's done nothing but stare and you want him to do more, so you coax him. You take his hand from your hip, raising it to your lips, kissing his fingertips with closed eyes and he lets out a ragged sigh. You place his hand in the center of your chest. "Touch me," you ask softly. "I want you to." you say with a nod of your chin towards him.

You can't feel cold underneath his touch. The heat from his palms damp against your gently pulsing chest as your heart beats with need. He can feel it racing and it eases his worry.

"I want you, Forrest." you say against his lips as his hand moves to cup one of your breasts. "Show me you want me just as badly." you ask of him, a fluttering of lashes and his grip tightens on your body, your hand on the side of his face, beckoning him to kiss you. And he responds in full.  
A masculine grunt expelled and he presses his lips against yours with intent. The hand on your hip pulling you up against him, moving to your lower back, hand splayed and roaming the bare skin he finds there. He palms your chest, gentle squeezes followed by the broad swiping of his thumb across your sensitive nipples. Your whimpers of pleasure seem to fuel him, his hands grasping tighter, the pressure with which he kissed you increasing.

You move your knee to push against his growing hardness. A slight up and down to encourage him, let him know you wanted more, that he didn't have to wait. A deep groan makes it's way into your mouth from his chest as he kisses you. You slide a hand between your bodies, your hand slipping into his pants and palming him over the thin fabric of his underwear. His mouth pants open and the breathy exhale lights your skin on fire. You grasp and tug gently, moaning at the feel of him in your hand, the nights you'd spent wondering how he would feel now coming to an end.

He pinches the hard peak of your breast between two calloused fingers, eliciting a moan from your lips that catch you both off guard. A needy sound that travels straight to his center where your soft hands are pawing away at him. He listens and learns, repeating the twisting motion, another soft breathy exhale as your lips stall against his and your eyes roll behind their lids. He takes the pause to break from your lips, both big hands now pushing your chest together and his mouth encloses so deliciously around the points he'd been twisting. You can feel his hot breath travel across your skin. You let your head fall back, a moan traveling freely up and into the darkness of the room. Your fingers clutch at his head almost desperately, he didn't need any help pushing his face into the soft mounds of your chest but you pull him closer anyway, fingers tugging at the hair at the crown of his head, soft now from your fingers running through the pomade slicked style he always wore it in.

The taste of your skin, the salt of it and the smell of your perfume and lust overtake his senses. He groans as he moves to your other breast, losing himself momentarily as he's surrounded by you. The gasps and moans that are the effect of his cause drive him forward, knowing his hesitancy won't serve him any longer. He keeps suckling away at you, both hands tight against your body and moving down your ribs to your hips as they continue down your thighs, taking your panties with them as his calloused fingertips rake against your skin, pulling down the soft fabric. They fall at your feet, immediately forgotten to both of you as he moves back to pull you closer with both hands on your back. His kisses travel to your sternum, down the dip of your upper stomach, down across the fleshy roundness and to your hips. With one hand on your lower back, the other grasping at one of your cheeks, he breathes you in deep, the floral and musk smell of your arousal making him hum with desire. He plants a kiss to the soft thatch of hair at the meeting of your thighs, finding it to be the same tawny brown he remembered your hair as when you were younger.

He surprises you as he stands, hands held fast to you still, moving up your body again, learning every curve of it in its nakedness. Your hands move to free him of the rest of his layers, your clothes now pooled at your feet by the bed, he holds your face and kisses you harshly, showing you that he truly wanted you as you'd asked. He slows and stops, whispering against your cheek in a deep raspy tone you hadn't heard before. "Get the light, baby." he says, letting you go and leaving your body to chill as he pulls the covers down on your bed. The delicate and breathily cooed pet name makes your knees weak. You do as you're asked, snuffing out the candle, now only the rays of moonlight peaking in through slits in the curtains. He lays in the bed, an arm extending out and pulling you next to him, being sure to cover you both, but in them you can't feel the chill settling in in absence of the heat of the flame.

To his surprise you move on top of him in one smooth motion, not breaking the kiss that connected you. His hands stay hovering above you as you pull the covers back over both of you. Now you're both veiled in the blanket of your hair that falls down, you pull apart from his lips for a moment to touch his face, his warm hands move to your back. Even though you were alone in the station, alone the room, the seclusion that fell with your hair made everything feel heightened. All you can hear is your breathing, the soft smacks of your lips as you go back to kissing him, not being able to stand being parted for long as the feeling of him kissing your fingertips as you ran them over his soft lips was too much.

You dive back in with a small needy moan, your back arching and finding him hard. His hands move slowly, as you had always fantasized they would, down your back, hugging the curve of your waist and grasping at the swell of your hips as you rocked them back and forth against him. He pulls you flat against his chest suddenly, a soft oof against his lips as he lets his armor fall and gives in to how perfect you feel against him. A low groan rumbles out of his chest and falls to your ears as his kisses travel across your cheek and his lips find your ear. You hear every breath, each choked back moan as you feel him moving against your wetness. You feel his strong thighs rest against the backs of yours, the press of the head of his cock against you.

You let the desperate whine flow freely, telling him wordlessly that you wanted him, needed him. He pushes your hair to the side, hand on your face as he slows to study you for a moment, the kisses pausing but not stopping.

You can see him asking permission in his eyes as they glinted in the moonlight. Those gorgeous pools of blue under an always heavy brow.

"Make love to me, Forrest." you whisper against his lips and he groans, a hand finding the back of your head and pulling you into a feverish kiss. You should've known he wouldn't need words in a situation like this. His fingertips trail the back of your thigh, as you feel him grip himself, resting his head against your tensing entrance.

He notches inside you, warm and thick and even more satisfying of a feeling than you could've hoped for as you rise, your hands pressing against his strong broad chest as you slide down onto him completely. Your head falls back, mouth open letting the sighs and whimpers go wordlessly into the darkness of the room. His eyes are focused, big rough hands on your breasts and thighs holding them tightly as you start to ride him.

"Oh, Forrest." you sigh out, your hands so small wrapped around his forearms as you rise and fall, your lashes fluttering and eyes rolling back into your head. He gives a deep grunt in response, his eyes wanting to shut from the feeling of you so heavenly around him, but he keeps them open not wanting to miss a second of you moving on top of him like this. He slides one hand to your hip, holding it tightly as he pushes back into you with his hips as you meet and you feel the full push of him. It makes your face fall to a surprised expression, a tiny gasp and squeak as your mouth falls open as he feels your body shudder.

When he stops, you focus back on his eyes asking you if he'd hurt you. You give him a soft smile, leaning back down to meet your lips to his, hips grinding and swiveling around him. You push your forehead to his, your higher pitched moans met with his impossibly deep grunts everytime he pushed into you.

You rise again, craving more of him, wanting to push yourself farther to the edge, you reach between your legs and rub your clit, your other hand on his chest for leverage as the pace quickens. The sound of each other's breathing in sync with your movements, he feels another shudder of your body as you call out his name again in a needy, intoxicating way that makes him melt inside. "Forrest." you moan out, eyes meeting his, half-lidded and full of adoration. "You feel so good baby." you whisper, shaking your head in disbelief. He catches you off guard as he rises, pushing his chest to yours, head dipping to seek out your hardened nipples as he moans into the soft flesh. His fingers dig into your back, his skin searing against yours as your arms slip around his neck, your moans against his ear and you hear a more aggressive groan, almost a growl escape him. He moves you so easily, one hand landing on the surface of the bed as he flips you onto your back, your hair moving in a whip motion and falling around you against the pillow as he moans and dives into your neck with hard sucking kisses. You felt no hesitancy in him any longer, only the force of strength that he was known for.

You've never felt so overwhelmed, the weight of him pressed against you, one arm still wrapped around you, the other above your head, holding him up as his hips go to work against yours. "Yes, yes." you pant out as his hips pick up speed. You let yoru legs part and knees fall back, taking as much of him as he would give you, and he was giving you his all. Your arms clutch against the lean moving muscles of his back as he pumps moan after moan out of you. You kiss his shoulder as it holds steady near your face, as you turn your head to try to get bigger breaths as he kept rubbing up against you exactly like you needed him to, you felt the tingling building and he can feel your body starting to tremble beneath his, he moves to his elbows, crashing his lips against yours as you start to writhe. Your sounds are some of the most beautiful he's ever heard, most of all how you say his name so helplessly, cried out into his ears and mouth. Your hand moves to his chest, feeling his heart racing as fast as yours, the other to the side of his face as it shakes with a weakness for what he's doing to you. You'd never experienced passion in this way before, never been made love to like this. Nothing had ever felt real in comparison to Forrest.

When you throw your head back, your fingers clutching to the back of his neck and shoulder in desperation he's enraptured by you completely. You let out a high pitched moan that he feels expelled by a spasm in your stomach, your mouth open and panting. He sees your eyes roll back and disappear under your thick fluttering lashes with lips trembling against his as you cry out for him again, he moans deep and aggressively against your cheek, kissing his way back to your neck as you can no longer kiss him back and he wants to hear every orgasmic breath you take as close to his ears as possible. He's feeling and tasting, hearing and smelling you as your thighs start to shake. He'd never felt this way with a woman, and a woman had never felt this way with him, it was new and it was addictive and he wanted to drink in every second he spent inside you. "Don't stop. Please, don't stop." you beg, heavy breaths directly in his ear, making him feel more powerful than he ever had before. He gives you all he has, hips moving in fluid movements, punctuating each meeting of your sexes with a slap of skin that sends you over the edge. Your back arches despite his weight on you and a low guttural moan escapes your kiss-swollen lips. He feels your body shake and writhe against his and he pulls you closer, goes deeper and harder and gives himself over to you. The years he'd waited to feel you like this, falling to pieces so willingly in his arms he can't contain the emotion within in any longer.

He feels you pulse so strongly around him, milking his orgasm out of him as he grits his teeth, you feel his nails sink into your side as he holds you so tightly. You're gasping still, eyes shooting open as you emerge on the other side. You already knew, but he cemented it as he moaned loudly only once and into your ear as you close your eyes at the masculine and still emotional sound, fingers buried in his hair again as you feel him give you the last few hard pounds into you, his chest heaving against yours.

You shiver with aftershocks, he still twitches inside you, his movments still making tiny gasps escape you as you're still sensitive when he rubs against you. He keeps his face in your neck for a few deep breaths, he hears you gulp and wet your lips. He feels your grip on him loosen, and he raises up to look at your face, pulling the arm underneath you up and to your face, pushing back the hair that'd fallen onto your face that glowed with a thin veil on sweat that he was happy to be the cause of. You look at each other for a few breaths time, eyes moving across each others features in the dim light, he runs his thumb across your lips again and you give him the sweetest smile he's ever seen. You kiss his thumb, then hold his hand in yours, kissing his palm and nuzzling it against your face.

He lets out a noisy exhale, "God you're...you are so...beautiful Tawny." his words make another charming smile spread across your lips and up to your eyes, crinkling the corners as you lift your head to kiss him, your thumb trailing lazily over his cheek.

"You're amazing." you say, nuzzling his nose with yours. "You know that?" you give him a playful grin and a sexy lazy smile moves across his features slowly, making you swoon at him. He groans and moves to lay next to you, wasting no time in throwing a bulky arm across you and pulling you to his chest. He rests his arm under your head as he pulls the cover back up over you both. He brushes back your hair with a light touch and you hum happily against him. "You're more than I ever could've wished for Forrest." you whisper before leaning in to kiss him. A strong splayed hand finds it's way to between your shoulders. "It feels so good to finally show you how I feel." you grin, kissing the end of his nose, then his cheek, his temple, and his forehead. You've never seen his face relaxed and content in such a way.

"Mmm. " he grunts softly, a smile forming in the corner of his lips. "Feels even better than I'd thought." he says as he presses his forehead against yours, triggering a long and slow kiss that has no end goal, just a new way for him to tell you how much you meant to each other without words. His fingers trace up and down your spine, you feel the prickle of his stubble on his chin as your fingertips rest against his strong jawline.

"Would you stay in here with me tonight?" you ask in a small voice, almost shy in its delivery.

"You want me to?" he asks, watching you snuggle down into the sheets and against him.

"'Course I do." you state, a small peck to his bare chest before you rub your face into his chest hair, breathing every bit of him in, feeling the wiry and soft hair underneath your hands.

"Then I will." A kiss planted to your forehead before he rests in the soft nest of your hair against the pillow.

"Thank you." you say softly into the hollow of his throat.

"Mmph." he grunts and nods. "Not needed baby." he sighs out with eyes shut and you bask in the charm of him, audibly swooning at the pet name before you wrap an arm around his barrel chest, soaking in the warmth of him before you both fall asleep. No longer having to wait to fall asleep thinking of words unspoken.


	15. Chapter 15

Forrest was up before you, as usual, he hadn't slept in your room the night before despite the boys being out but he had stayed until you fell asleep. The nights you slept together, although not frequent, were some of the best nights sleep you'd ever had. You'd be exhausted and satisfied, sleeping heavy for the first time in your life as he'd slip out of bed slowly. You never knew but he'd always tuck you in again, kissing your face and pushing back your hair before standing in the doorway and watching you snuggle back into the warm softness he'd left before moving back to his room to hide your relationship should the boys come home early. 

Forrest gets up and makes coffee, something he'd started doing for you in the mornings if no one was there. He'd done this every morning after you'd slept together so far. You found it sweet, felt it was a sort of subtle thanks from him with him helping you shake the sleep off and taking one thing off your to-do list for the day. 

Although no one but those closest to him could tell, he was sitting with his same heavy brow as he sipped his coffee in the early spring morning happily. The light from the sun was just started to peak over the mountains, he takes in the brisk morning, noticing the leaves starting to return on the trees.   
He sees Jack's souped-up car, speeding in from around the curve in the road. By the way he pulls in and hits the breaks too hard he knows something wrong. 

"Forrest!" he says breathlessly, stumbling out of the car as he keeps a stern eye on his little brother. "We got a hell of a fuckin' problem, Forrest." he says, hands hitting the top wooden stair as he bends over and catches his breath.

"We?" he asks, sitting down his coffee cup. 

"Wh- I...what?" he asks, his face screwing up at the man who seemed too calm for the rushed tone he'd been using. 

"What'd you do Jack?" he asks, moving slowly to rise, hands going into his cardigan pockets. 

"I didn't do nothin'! Me 'n Junior went on the run just like planned, with Banner, but on the way back to pick up Howard from the stills we got ambushed." he says exasperatedly with wild eyes.

"Mmm Hmm."

"They took my gun and they got a few hits in, I mean I fought back Forrest, I fuckin' did just like you told me to but-" he takes in a deep breath, Forrest's heavy footsteps move slowly across the porch. 

"But what?" he says in a deep tone. 

"They...they fuckin' took Junior." he says, wincing and waiting for Forrest's retaliation.

"Who did?"

"Rakes men." he says lowering his eyes in shame. 

"Mmm Hmm." Forrest jaw goes tight, his heavy brow low and his eyes looking out over the treeline as he sucks his teeth at the news. "Then what?"

"Howard ran back to the stills in the dark, some men followed him but you know Howard he's like a cat in the shadows." he shakes his head, hands wringing his hat in his hands. 

"And what'd you do?" 

"I got back in the car and left. Came back here as fast as I could." he says meekly.

"And you just left Junior?" he almost growls, nostrils flaring as he huffs out of them like a bull. 

"They told me to come get you. That they knew you'd come to get him back cause of..." his eyes dart around in hesitation.

"Go on, say it." 

"They said because of that... that we must be sweet on that bitch Barrett since she's been keeping our bed's warm this winter." his brow furrows and he can tell he hates to say it. 

Forrest's eyes move back away, taking a deep breath, his barrel chest expanding fully as he glares at nothing in particular. "And you just left him there?"

"Yeah I...I panicked Forrest I-" he's caught off guard with a swift slap to the face. 

"I thought you said you could handle this?" he spits at Jack.

"I thought I could! We was doin' real good!" he says with a hand rubbing his cheek. "They said they want you Forrest." 

"Mmmm. They ain't the only ones, Jack." he grunts and rolls his eyes. "After all Miss Tawny's done for us, you're just gonna go and leave her little brother behind like that? After she almost lost him once already? And at YOUR hand." he hisses, his shoulders squared and neck snaking into the shorter brothers face. "After all she's done for YOU, letting you live in her house, taking care of you and him so you can pretend to be men. Thinkin' you're some big-time gangster 'round here. You're nothing but a god damned child." he stops himself before he gets too angry, shutting his eyes and straightening his posture. "You just left him to be killed by fuckin' Rakes? Of all the pieces of shit to let get one over on us, you had to let Rakes get the upper hand." he shakes his head, face red with anger. "Lettin' you in was a mistake." he says, stepping back. 

There's a heavy silence, only broken by the sound of your feet coming down the stairs. "What do we do now?" Jacks whispers.

"YOU are gonna tell Miss Tawny what you've done." his voice low and quiet, threatening violence with every breath.

"Forrest I..." his face looks scared, and it should. 

"Nah, now you went and made this mess. You tell her."

"Mornin' boys." you lilt, walking out with a mug of coffee for Jack and you can feel the tension as soon as you step out of the station. "What... what's wrong?" you whisper with wide eyes.   
Forrest takes the cup from your hands gently, a hand on your back as he pushes you towards Jack. "Jack's got something he needs to tell you Tawny." he pauses, eyes staring into Jack's terrified ones. "Go on now Jack." he almost barks out.

"I..." he lets out a noisy huff. "After we sold the shine last night we got ambushed. Rakes men got Junior."

He watches your eyes go wide, your small hand goes to your chest in concern and surprise. "What do you mean got him?" you rasp out.

"They ran off after Howard to the stills I got out of there after they said..." he stops to choose his words in a more articulate manner than the ones they used. "They wanted Forrest, so they took Junior 'cause they knew he'd come for him."

"And you...just let them?" he can see your chest rising and falling faster, your hand at your side shaking. 

"I didn't just let them, alright." he says defensively.

"Did they put you in your fucking car and MAKE you leave?" you shout at him, shoulders squared against his slumped ones.

"No but...I had to get out of there." he says quietly.

You take in a noisy whimper of a breath, so anger you were seeing red. "If it wasn't so clear you were nothing but a child I'd strike you for this Jack Bondurant." you spit at him.

"Tawny, I'm sorry."

"Yeah you're fucking sorry alright!" you poke your finger hard into his shoulder. "What if Forrest went out with you and just fucking LEFT as soon as someone put a hitch in your plans huh? You don't fucking LEAVE!" you scream and the tears come. Forrest lets you have at him, stepping back and watching you unleash on Jack. He had to learn to be a man somehow. "I could not be more hurt about this. I couldn't be more disappointed and angry. This is so stupid, you AREN'T STUPID! WHY DO YOU KEEP ACTING SO FUCKING STUPID?!" you shout and a sob chokes out of your throat as you push his shoulders in anger. You turn away with your hands trembling at your side, Forrest looks down at you, your face stone and splotched as you fight to compose yourself. 

You use your apron to wipe your face and turn back around, a finger pointed in Jack's face. "How are you gonna fix this?" you demand. "Because this ain't my doin'. It ain't Forrest's!" you hiss in his face. "How are you gonna fix this Jack? What are you gonna do to get my baby brother back, hmmm?" your red eyes burn a hole through his reserve as his lips tremble. "He looked up to you Jack, we both trusted you to take care of him!" You stare at him in silence, breathing hard. 

"I'm gonna get him back." he barely squeaks out.

"Oh! You're gonna get him back? And how are you gonna do that? Huh?" you growl through gritted teeth.

"By... makin' 'em give him back."

"Of course! Why didn't I think of that?! A foolproof plan! Clever and well thought out!" you shout sarcastically, throwing your arms up in the air. "You better fucking fix this Jack. I have shit I have to do. Responsibilities and promises to keep up which you clearly don't know a DAMN thing about!" you shout as you turn fast and storm back into the station, slamming the door behind you.  
\-----  
After telling Jack to go find Howard, Forrest moves back into the station to find you. You'd started things in the kitchen and you were in the back pantry crying into your hands. He moves slowly, a hand reaching out to try to comfort you, pull you towards him and you push yourself away and cry harder.

"I'm sorry Forrest." you choke out, face hidden from your hair in a heavy blanket around it as it faces the floor. "I'm just...I'm so mad." you squeak out. He heeds your wishes and just stands close. "I know you didn't do it, I'm sorry." you take a deep shaky breath and put your hand on his arm. "I just...I just wanna be alone." your lips tremble and your puffy eyes are honest. 

He nods, patting your hand that rests on his arm as he gives you a concerned glance before turning to leave you be. 

That night he hears you crying in your room and it makes his chest split with hurt and anger. Still waiting to hear from Jack and Howard, gun by your bed, sleeping in your clothes and crying out everything you'd held in during the workday to save face and act like nothing was wrong. He thought if he tried to intrude again it would end much the same it had that morning so he leaves you, but keeps his door cracked open so you knew if you did need him, you were welcome to come find him.   
\-----  
By the next evening, you've chewed all your nails down to nothing, knowing nothing good could come of any of this. Forrest wouldn't let you go try to get Junior back, you knew better than to even ask, you didn't want to fight him and you knew you'd be no match against whatever thugs waited for the Bondurants. 

You can hear the boys moving around the station, angry and foreboding heavy footsteps up and down the stairs, cars pulling into the parking lot of cousins and other moonshiners, but you sat on your bed, staring out the half-open door to Forrest's room, watching him load guns. 

You walk slowly to his room, not knowing exactly what to say, as none of it led to anything you wanted to head towards. "Forrest?" you ask quietly, hands curling around the edge of the door. 

He stops at the sound of your voice, shoulders stiffening before turning to look at you, hands still busy with a revolver. 

"I'm guessing from the number of men and guns you're getting together you know this is going to be a huge set up to take you down, right?" you ask, your eyes to the floor, face devoid of any of its usual happiness when you'd speak to him.

"Mmm Hmm." he says with a hard nod. 

You take a heavy breath and shut the door behind you, he shoots you a questioning glance. "This is going to end badly Forrest."

"We're gonna get Junior back." he says flatly.

"And what am I going to do with him with the rest of you dead?" your voice is cold and stern, but your eyes give away your emotions with the veil of tears that start to form. 

He stops and looks over to you, your arms crossed and fingers digging into them. 

"I just got you back Forrest..." you say quietly, an audible gulp following it. 

He breathes heavy out of his nostrils and approaches you, his large frame blocking the light from the window. 

"And now you're gonna go headfirst into a death trap." you shake your chin as you look up to him. "One that's my fault in the first place." your faces winces.

"How's that?"

"They're using Junior because of me. They wouldn't give a damn about some kid if they didn't know you'd come after him because of me."

"We went and got him once and they didn't succeed at their plan. What makes you think it won't go that way again."

"Now I know you're just trying to make me feel better." you shake your head. "It's not going to work. They'll be coming at you with all they've got because they failed the first time. Rakes has had it out for you since he showed up here. A man like him isn't going to be made a fool of." you stare into his eyes and he hesitantly keeps his focus on you despite it being hard to. 

"I know." he gruffs out. 

"I..."you shut your eyes to control yourself for a moment. "I don't want to lose you, Forrest. I don't know if I can."

"I always come back." he tries to give as an answer.

"Yeah, you will until one day you don't." tears start to fall and his face frowns. "And that day may very well be today." you choke out. "I just..." you breath hard out of your nose to not start sobbing. "I love you. It's my fault we didn't have years together up until now as some sort of consolation for when you go and get shot. And now it's my fault they took Junior, who could already be dead. And so it's my fault you'll get killed, and every other man you take out there today..." you start sobbing, you can't help it. You try to stay strong for him, you know him knowing how much you hurt every time he leaves won't change anything, but this time you can't. 

"Tawny baby, c'mere." he whispers, pulling you to his chest. "None of this is your fault. I get why you're upset. I'm not happy about none of this either. But this has been brewing even before you got here. So, whatever happens, you don't go blamin' yourself, now." he says, voice steady and deep as you cling to him. "You know I can't go ignorin' a direct threat like Rakes forever. You had to know this was gonna happen eventually." he says softly.

He was right. "Yeah. Don't mean I have to be happy about it." you whimper. 

"You're right. You don't." he nods and rests his chin on your head.   
"If I don't go today they will kill Junior. And you'd have that on your heart forever and I can't live with it knowin' I could've done something about it, but chose to hide like a coward."

"I know." you say with the same heartbreaking weakness. "I just love you so much." you start sobbing again. 

"Shhhh." he kisses your head. "I love you too. You know that right?" he says, pulling you away from him, his hands on your shoulders.

You nod and sniffle and he wipes at your wet face with his hands, even though it's useless as the tears are immediately replaced. 

"I love you and no matter what happens out there that ain't gonna change." he stares into your eyes and you wish his words made it hurt less. "But you know I have to defend this family. Bondurant name won't mean a damn thing if we let some son of a bitch like Rakes come in and try to treat us like this."

"And you'd rather be dead than roll over for anybody." you nod, rolling your eyes and taking a long shaky inhale. "I know, Forrest. I know all that." you put your hands on his chest. "I didn't come in here to try to stop you from goin'. I know that's pointless." another deep inhale to control yourself. "I just had to say somethin' anything, really. I can't have you leavin' out that door today without you knowing how much you mean to me." your fingers gently stroke the thick wool of his sweater. 

"You mean the world to me, Tawny. But that world won't be worth livin' in if we let Rakes get away with this."

"I know. You're right." you nod and look back up at him. "Just... come back to me. Like you always do. I love you. Know that I won't roll over if you die neither." you shake your head defiantly and his heart aches because you always understood him. No other woman had understood him as you had. "I won't wanna live, but I will. Because I'm just as stubborn as you, and I know you wouldn't want me givin' up." you wipe your cheeks with the skirt of your dress and try to compose yourself.

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you, Tawny." he gives you a smile. "You're a survivor, just like us." and as he says it he realizes you were just like them, truly. A fighter, loyal to yours who'd do anything including facing death for those you loved. You'd been a Bondurant this whole time, hadn't you? "You're one hell of a woman and I promise you I'll do anything in all of hell and creation to come back to you." 

"And when you walk out of hell I'll be here waitin' for you." you force a smile, even though it's genuine, you just want to keep crying and your face is refusing to cooperate. You can't leave him with the last memory of you being upset like this. 

"And that's what'll keep me comin' back ain't it?" he whispers, holding your face in his hands. "There's never been a woman like you before and there never will be again, I love you."

Your smile comes easier as you raise up and kiss him. You wrap your arms around his neck tightly and kiss his face and neck with small wines and whimpers with every touch. "There's only ever been one man for me and that's you, Forrest. Dead or alive that's not gonna change. I don't like your choices but I understand them and I'll not stand in your way. To act so foolishly I must love you." you sigh and squeeze him tight before pecking your way to his lips. "I love you so much." you whisper again with your lips to his. 

A hard knock on his door jolts you out of the suspended moment in time. It's Howard telling him they were ready. You let him go because you have to. You stay back in the empty station, watching them all leave down the road and out of sight. The silence is deafening, and if it weren't for your sobs into Forrest's pillows there wouldn't have been any noise at all.  
\--------  
The sun moves but you don't. You stay in his bed with the door open to hear the phone if it rang. Your clock, the position of sun is your time keeper since you won't turn to look at the one on the wall. You knew they were just going to the county line. They should be back by now. You know last time no one called to let you know Forrest was in the hospital, maybe it was the same now? And with all the brothers there, no one would think to call the waitress from the station. The house you were letting Junior and Jack live in didn't have a phone, and you didn't know if anyone would think to call you at your place of work to let you know about him either. Your hopes aren't high that they'll all be walking through the door tonight. 

You wait until the sun rises, no sleep to be had for you, your hands shaking from denial and too much coffee, you decide to drive to the hospital. What else did you have to lose?

You try not to drive as manically as you did the night with Forrest by your side, but the caffeine causes your foot to be filled with lead. You try not to get your hopes up as you see some of the same cars that were in the station parking lot now at the hospital. You pull your shawl over your shoulders, gripping the edges tight against your chest to hide you shaking hands. You walk in and see three men that are also moonshiners, patched and bandaged, one with his arm in a sling. They take their hats off as you walk up to them, the two that can stand, do. 

"Mornin' Miss Tawny." they say with a nod. Anyone who worked for or with Forrest had always been really respectful, you weren't sure if it was out of respect for Forrest or if they'd heard what you'd done to those two men, either way, it didn't really matter.

"Hello boys." you say quietly. "Is it... is it over?" you ask, not knowing how else to ask.

"Yes ma'am." one says, their faces solemn.

"Don't keep me waitin'." you say sternly, clearing your throat and standing up straight. "What happened to Junior and the brothers." you say with a surprising amount of composure. 

"Well...Howard's still missin'." one says, face wincing. "But the rest are upstairs" he says with a small nod.

"Well are they alive?" you ask bluntly.

"Yeah, Junior got the least of it, Jack's been shot once, but Forrest...." he let's out a long sigh.

"Stop with the theatrics and just fuckin' tell me." you snap. 

"He got shot four times." he says, eyes wide and brows up high on his weary face. 

You gulp noisily and take a deep inhale. "Is he...is he gonna make it?" you ask with a cracking voice. 

"Doctor's ain't said nothin'. Don't know if they're still operatin' or not on 'em. But he is a Bondurant." he says with a shrug.  
So he was alive. But just barely with being shot four fucking times. Four times. And he lived. You look to the stairs and bite your lip. Hell, he might be immortal. "Thank you boys." you say with a nod.

"You need anything you just... just ask Tawny." the oldest says.

"Thanks." you say with a half smile. 

You walk up the stairs, peeking in rooms until you see one with both Jack and Junior and you let your shoulders slump with relief. 

"Junior, baby..." you whisper out, taking his hand as he groans and opens his eyes. His ribs were bandaged tight, his face a bruised and busted mess but he was alive. 

"Tawny." he rasps out. 

"Shhh, shhh." You're safe, I'm here. It's fine now. We got ya." you say with a smile through silent tears. He nods and grunts, closing his eyes again. "You rest now. Don't worry about nothin'." you say with a pat to his hand. 

You turn and look at Jack, fast asleep. A bandage around his stomach, you're guessing that's where he was shot. 

"Miss?" you hear from the door. 

"Yeah? Oh, hello nurse," you say with a nervous smile. "I'm Tawny Barrett." you hold out your hand and approach her. "I'm Junior's sister, I work with the Bondurants." you explain. 

"Oh I know." she smiles. "We've got someone who wants to see you down the hall." she says with a half smile. You don't hide the happiness on your face, wiping away the tears you'd let loose already for the two boys in the beds behind you. 

"He's a bit in and out of it, but the only thing he's asked for is you. We didn't know how to get ahold of you." she says apologetically. 

"Thank you." you say, almost entirely ignoring her as you walk into the room to his bed. You stand next to him and hear the door click shut. You don't say anything, you look him over. He was pale and clammy, sweat in beads on his face and chest, thick bandages covering him with four distinct bloody stains across his torso. You pull up a chair and sit next to him, taking his hand gently, trying not to disturb him. 

His eyes open slowly, you lean forward into his line of vision. "Hi baby," you whisper, your hand squeezing his tighter. "You gotta rest, you've been through it. I mean it this time." you smile down at him, eyes full of tears. 

His eyes closed and he wets his lips. "Tawny..." his voice is barely above a whisper. 

"Shhhh." you push his hair back, leaving your hand in the messy tuft at the top of his head. You kiss his cheek. "You're in the hospital, I'm fine, you're alive. Jack and Junior are here too. It's okay Forrest, just rest. You did it." you say into his ear pressing your cheek against his. 

"Tawny." he says again, a little more forcefully. You pull back and kiss his nose. 

"If you're so insistent on talkin', make it short hun, you've gotta let yourself heal." you say supportively.

"I'm..." he tries to grunt and groans in pain, hand moving to his stomach.

"Shhh shhh shhh." you coo, putting your hand over his. "S'all right. Don't force it. You know I'm a patient woman." you smile down at him and his eyes meet yours.

"I'm gonna make this right." he says, your brow furrows in question. You don't know what he means but he could be out of it from drugs or pain either one. 

"I know you will sweetheart." you kiss his forehead. "You don't have to worry about anything, you know I've got it handled."  
He nods, his face pained. 

You kiss lips and feel a weak push back. "I'll be back once you've had some time to rest." you say close to his face, your hand on his cheek for just a brief moment longer. "Don't go nowhere while I'm gone." you smile at him and he huffs out a heavy breath, you're guessing it would've been a laugh if he could. "Love you. Sleep good, baby." one last kiss to the lips, a puff of breath from them as you pull back, his eyes shut again.   
\-----  
As you pull your keys from your pocket to get in the station you hear movement inside. You pull the door and find it open. You draw the pistol from your coat and enter slowly. 

You see Howard coming from the back behind the counter, hands up as he sees you aiming the gun. 

"Fuck's sake Howard," you say with a loud exasperated voice. "Scared the shit out of me," you say putting the gun on the bar and your hand to your chest. "The boys at the hospital said you were missin' you okay?"

"Yeah I'm...fine as I can be." he shrugs.

"You up to tellin' me what went down exactly?"

"Forrest and Jack and your brother alright?" he asks, his face not hopeful.

"Yeah, they're all doctored up and in the hospital restin'. They should be fine." you say in a comforting tone.

He lets out a sigh that sounds like he's held it in for days, perhaps he had. He sits at the bar and rubs his head. "We got there and...he had a whole damn militia." he shakes his head, opening the jar he'd brought out with him from the back. "Jack got all revved up and went in first like a fool and got shot, going after Junior, who had already been run through the ringer it looked. Then the shootin' broke out and it was goin' every which way. Got Danny, he's dead." he sighs and takes another swig, you notice how covered in blood he is. "I reckon you saw what they did to Forrest and Jack." he says, arms moving out to his side as if presenting the idea, hands slapping his thighs. 

"What about you? You alright?"

"Yeah..." he grumbles. "Just scraped up." he mumbles. 

"Why the boys think you were missin'?" 

"I ran off after Rakes." he says, sucking his teeth.

"You mean they didn't shoot him?"

"He was hidin' behind a dozen men and ran when we all started closin' in so I ran off after he hit Jack and Forrest. Wasn't gonna let that bastard get loose."

"Did you kill him?"

He sighs hard, taking two big drinks. "No. Lost him in the woods." he says quietly. 

You frown, but you try to count the blessings you have anyway. 

"Well, I'm glad you're back. And everyone's still kickin' last I checked." you say with a comforting tone. 

"Yeah." he says, smacking his lips. 

You reach out and put your hand over his. "He'll pay Howard. I don't know how right now but he'll get what's comin' to him, alright? Aint' nobody messes with the Bondurants and gets away from it. Not even that slippery son of a bitch." you say with fire in your eyes and it makes him feel just a little bit better. "He can't get that far. He's gotta be around here to deal with this mess he's made. He's just stupid enough to come back and look at what he did. He'll slip up, and we'll get him. Alright?"

"You really believe that?"

"I do." you nod and he sees that you're being honest and if you still had hope then he guessed he still had a reason to have it as well.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graphic Violence. Verbal abuse/threats of rape, murder.

In the two weeks Forrest stays in the hospital, the ATU took the stills. They used the brothers being down and out to their advantage and blew them up while they were unattended. You weren't really sure what that they meant for the family but you kept your head down and worked yourself to exhaustion almost every night to run the station alone for almost two weeks. 

Junior was out of the hospital first, insisting he go home and tend to things there. The girl he'd been courting had been with him when you left, and she seemed like a nice enough girl. You tell him you'll get a phone installed in the house when you can to keep in touch, and just like last time you drop by anyway. Jack gets out next, staying at the station for a bit, enjoying getting taken care of by you, you suppose. His girl, Bertha wasn't allowed near him because of her daddy so he wasn't so keen on being the third wheel at the old house. After a week he goes back, but you send him back with plenty of food to hold him over for a few days. You'd go visit Forrest at night, even if he said not to because you needed your rest and he would be just fine and he'd be home soon. But he never fought you on eating the food you'd bring him, so you think he really didn't mind. Howard was around, but he stayed drunk. He'd mumble about Rakes, appear and disappear without warning, and you just let him work it out on his own.

So on the night before Forrest comes back home, you're alone and it's no big surprise. You're cleaning up, worrying over nothing because you'd taken good care of the place in his absence. You'd washed his sheets, cleaned his room, had soup ready to simmer for him for his meals and the books were caught up. Before you're going to retire for the night, you're in the back pantry taking inventory of the canning left from last winter, seeing what you needed to put in the garden for the incoming spring.  
You're finishing jotting down your list and ideas, back turned to the door as you hear it click open. You expect Howard, or Jack or, basically anyone except whose currently walking towards you. You can smell his perfume tickle your nostrils, the grease slicking back his hair causing it to glint in the light from the moon through the windows. 

"Looks like you're left all alone now ." he says in his cold deadpan tone. 

"What the hell are you doin' here?" your brow low and hard, your jaw clenched. 

"I've come here to tie up some loose ends... Miss Tawny. That's what the boys call you isn't it?"

"Everyone calls me that. They have since I was little."

"I've heard other names people have called you." he says with insinuation and raised brows.

"If you think the news of people insulting me behind my back is something I'm not aware of then you are more stupid than I thought." you say flatly, holding your ground.

"If you are not in denial then I do not understand how a woman could lower herself to do what you do."

"And what is it you think I do?" you purse your lips and narrow your eyes with an attitude towards him. 

"The same thing I heard your mother did." he gives a light shrug and your nostrils flare. "I suppose there's a predisposition to being a whore." he stares you down and you don't give him an inch. "Although she wasn't under the control of criminals, getting passed around in some... incestuous nature like you. She just made her way around all the rest of the town didn't she?"

"It's none of your concern what me or my mama have done. She was a survivor, just like I am. Just like the Bondurants are and you'll be smart to such your damn mouth about her." You'd gotten in fights over rumors about your mama in school. After your father died, you don't know how she kept food on the table, you never asked. But it was rumored she was sleeping with men in town. Whether it was true or not didn't matter to you or anyone else it seemed because her supposed ill doings had followed you to this very day. You heard the whispers, you knew what people of a certain faux righteousness said about you living at the station. You didn't care what people you knew you your whole life thought about you, so why would you care about what a piece of shit like Rakes thought.

"And why is that? What do you think you are going to do?" he scoffs. "My men have told me that brute Howard is not here, probably out drunk again. For the best I suppose. He can kill himself with that acid you shill so I don't have to do it." he sucks his teeth. "But that leaves you all alone... does it not?" his voice inflects with a tilt of his head.

"I've been on my own most of my life and I've made it out just fine. I don't see no problems starting up just because some slick sissy like you's come around and stuck his nose where it don't belong."

He lets out a malicious laugh, face changing quickly as he slams his hand down on the bar top and hisses at you. "You are a nasty little thing aren't you? I am going to enjoying telling Forrest what I did to do before I bash his head in."

It's your turn to scoff. "You already failed twice at trying to kill him you dumb son of a bitch."

His lips purse and he tries to physically intimidate you. You can tell your lack of fear is getting to him. You needed him loose, mind foggy with anger so you could get the upper hand when he finally came at you. You'd hidden weapons around the station after the first attack, and you knew the knife under the bar would serve you well. If you could get to the brass knuckles of Forrest's that rest in your apron pocket you'd be doing even better. 

"I am here to assure I finish off his will to live before I have my men turn him into a brainless but breathing body. He is going to be left to wither away into nothing, no fucking legends, no leadership for the two minion brothers to follow... just a shell left to become a burden and watch suffer." he leans in closer and you want to cry at the thought but you don't, you wouldn't give him the satisfaction. "I'm going to tell him how I ruined you." he grabs your harshly by the jaw. "How I took away any modesty you might have left, marked your face and body into something almost unrecognizable. Left you dead and naked in the middle of the street for everyone to see. I am going to make him want to die... and then let him live."

"And you'll fail." you bite out. "If you think killin' me will do anything but make him more powerful you're a god damned fool." you spit in his face. 

He wipes it away with disdain, his leather gloves creaking with the motion. "I'm not the one about to be maimed and murdered thought am I?" he laughs at you. "So who is so stupid now? You fucking hicks and your backward ways. Makes no sense to me. If you would just listen to people smarter than you, you would not have it so hard. But the lot of you...useless and unevolved, barely above animals." he rolls his eyes. 

"Animal fight to the death. They attack when pushed into corners. And if we're so below you why have you spent every moment trying to take us down since you got here? And you've failed every time too! You can't even outsmart something you think is stupid, so who's the dumb animal now, huh?" you growl at him and he strikes you, you lean over the bar top and use your body as a shield to hide your hand grabbing the knife under it. You pretend to cry as he laughs, stretching his arms and cracking his knuckles.

"I am going to truly enjoy hurting you. I want you to know that." he says, hand in your hair, yanking you neck back at an awkward angle. 

"And I'm gonna enjoy watchin' the look on your face while I kill you." you growl with bared teeth. He goes to roll his eyes and you move fast, turning your body and stabbing him in the stomach multiple times. "THAT! That look RIGHT THERE!" you shout, taking the brass knuckles out of your apron. You let every bit of anger and hurt you'd felt at his hand out. 

After the shock registers across his face, the blood beginning to color his white shirt, he reaches inside his jacket and you hit him in the face, your body lunging forward and putting every bit of your weight into it. You find a small gun where he'd been reaching and hold it to him with your other hand.

"I"m fuckin' done with men like you thinkin' they can do whatever the fuck they want!" your voice is wild and hoarse, you hit him in the bloody mass of his stomach. "All men have done my entire life is try to break me!" you scream, putting the gun in your pocket and hitting him again, finding it much more rewarding before you grab him by the shirt collar. "It's fucking OVER for you." you laugh with crazed eyes, another hit as he spits out teeth, his arms up and smacking at your face, pulling your hair and you're unphased. "How's it feel to get what's comin' to you, huh Rakes? You arrogant mother fucker!" you bite as hard as you can when his fingers get near your mouth, drawing blood and spitting out whatever you pulled away. You were primal, you felt unhinged and you felt so fucking alive. "How's it feel knowin' some dumb fuckin' hick is gonna kill you? And a WOMAN!" you laugh loudly, hit after hit after hit, his hands becoming weaker each time you cracked his skull. 

He finally bends over, one knee to the ground you reach to grab the knife again. He spits and swears, trying to get up but he's so disoriented it's impossible. He stood no chance against the rage only a woman scorned knows. You had the hurt and anger of every woman that had ever lived to make you, to bring you to this point running through you and nothing was going to stop you now. 

"You're gonna pay for trying to take the Bondurants away from me. For trying to take FORREST away from ME?" your voice is shrill as you scream his name. "The only man I've ever loved?" You stab him in the shoulder, slice his face and grab him by the hair of his head. "Stay up you fuckin' pathetic excuse for a man. I ain't done with you yet." You stab him again in the arm, dragging it down and letting the blood gush, making it useless to him. "You think you're gonna come in here, and raise all this hell just because you think you're better than us?" you hit his face again. "No one was gettin' hurt before you showed up! No one had to DIE! Just because you lack empathy to understand how it works out here in the country don't mean you're better than us." you hiss at him, teeth barred as you bark your words in his face. "We've been just fine without people like you around and if you all left us the hell alone we'd be better off!" you pull back far and hit him with everything you've got, staggering forward as he hits the floor. "Ain't no one gonna miss you. No one's ever gonna find you Rakes." you whisper next to his ear as you climb on top of him. "I'm gonna cut you into little pieces and feed you to the hogs and it'll be like you never even existed.

He manages to spit blood into your face and you scoff loudly. 

"But the Bondurants... they're gonna survive and be remembered. You'll just be pig shit won't you?" you push the knife into his neck. "No grave. No trace, just a pile of shit, same as you are now." You bring both hands up, driving the knife into his chest. "You're never gonna hurt anyone again." You drive it down again. "You're never gonna come after the people I love again." Another stab and you leave it in his chest. You know he's barely alive, and you want to make sure there's no chance he's coming back. So with shaking and blood-soaked hands, you take the gun into both hands and aim at his face, cocking it holding it to his forehead. "This is for hurtin' Forrest." you say in a tone too cool for the fire coursing through your veins and you shoot him in the head. 

Just like that, it's over. Your chest is heaving, your muscles twitching with adrenaline. You let out a ragged noisy groan, your arms going limp, dropping the gun onto the floor next to him. Your shoulders slump and you look up to the ceiling, your eyes shut, mouth open and trying to catch your breath.

"Holy fucking shit Tawny." you hear Howard's voice from the doorway. 

You head snaps down to look at him, eyes wide and surprised. 

"I...uh...he..." you try to form words but they won't come. 

"You killed Rakes." he states matter of factly. His eyes moving over the scene. "You..." he huffs out a laugh. "You fuckin' killed Rakes." he says in disbelief. 

"He...he tried to kill you, he tried to kill Forrest I had to he...he said he was gonna rape and murder me and leave me in the street then go turn Forrest into a vegetable and then..." you spoke so fast he barely understood you but he'd been watching you since you'd grabbed him by the shirt collar. He'd heard you say you loved Forrest and defend the Bondurants and he was filled with so many emotions from the drunken state he was in he could barely process it. 

"Shhh...shhhh." he says quickly, holding his arms out after he locks the door behind him. "It's okay darlin', just breathe. Ya don't gotta explain nothin' to me." he says, taking the weapons away from you just in case, holding his hands out help you up. 

You realize your legs are jelly and he hoists you up, helping you sit in a chair. "I..." you let out a heavy sigh. "Shit, I didn't even see you come in. What'd I even do?" you whisper, him leaning over you, holding your face to make sure you're okay. 

"Yeah that's called a blackout, sweetheart." he says with a half smile. "Lucky for you I'll never forget what I just saw." he pats your shoulder.

"Oh god, you saw? You heard me?"

"Yeah, it's alright, you gotta calm down now. It's over." he says in a quiet and comforting way, walking over to Rakes and kicking the body to show you he was dead.

"It's over. I killed him. Holy shit I killed a man." you eyes go wide and you scratch your sweaty head. 

"Yeah, you did. Killed the shit out of him." he can't help but laugh. "That was....that was fuckin' wild Tawny. I didn't know you had it in you." he shakes his head.

"I think I did." you say with an unsure face. "That man's been the source of all our problems. I couldn't let him get away with what he did to Forrest."

"No, no you couldn't. I'm damn proud of you." he says with another supportive pat to the shoulder.

"Oh fuck we gotta clean this up." you say rubbing your forehead. "Uhh...shit..." you frown and look around. "How are we gonna do this?" you whisper.

"Apparently we're chopping him into little pieces and feeding him to the hogs." he smirks.

"That's...that's a good idea." you nod. "Okay. I can do that." you say as you push off the chair.

"Well it was your idea." he laughs.

"Huh?"

"You told him you were gonna chop him up and feed him to the pigs." he grins.

He sees your eyes squint, trying to recall what you'd said. "I guess I did." you let out an uneasy laugh and shake your head, shocked at what you'd done, where you'd let yourself go in your mind in your brutality. "Guess I'm a person who kills people out of revenge now." your mouth hangs open and your eyes shift over the beaten and bloody body.

"I'd say it's the life of a Bondurant if you ask me. But it's the only one I've known." he shrugs.

"Well I'm afraid I ain't quite a Bondurant, Howard." you say moving to grab the weapons, moving to wash them in the sink.

"After that...you might as well fuckin' be." he says with a smug grin. "I'll take care of Rakes." he says, kicking the body lightly with his foot. "You've done more than you part here." he says with raised brows and a sigh.

"I can help I mean...I made the mess." you say laying the weapons out on a towel, wiping off the gun. 

"Nah, I can cut him and feed him to the hogs." he shakes his head. "I've done it before." he says too casually. "You just clean yourself up then take care of the blood. That fair?" he asks.

"Yeah. I can do that." you nod and rest on the counter top.

"I know I was glad you came back. But I never thought you'd end up being the one to end up killing this bastard for us."

"To be fair, neither did I." you huff out a quiet laugh. "I'm taking this way too well. I feel a little crazy."

"It'll pass." he says with a nod. "You did it in self-defense, you did what you had to. Not just for us but for you." he adds. "Ain't no one that understands our life gonna fault you for this." he says with a pointed finger.

"Oh god what's Forrest gonna think." your face falls and Howards laugh catches you off guard as he hoists up the body and moves it out of the station.

"I reckon once he wraps his head 'round it, he might have a laugh, and then if he don't kiss you for it, hell, I will." he laughs loudly and you watch him drag out the body.

You stand in the silence for a few minutes, gathering yourself. You hear the ax start chopping away and it brings you back to reality. Forrest would be home in the morning. This whole mess would be taken care of before then. You’d cleaned up a mess like this before, you could do it again.


	17. Chapter 17

With Howard's help, you managed to get some sleep after the life-changing night you'd had. With everything your anxious mind could think of checked off your mental to-do list, you lie down and try to gather yourself for the homecoming of Forrest. You don't get any deep restful sleep, but come morning you were running strong off of a pleasant mixture of anxiety and happiness at the arrival of Forrest.

You'd gotten up and fixed yourself up, nothing too noticeable, curling your hair and putting a little color back into your face after the intense night you'd had. You put on a dress you knew Forrest liked, seeing as he'd gotten it for you for no reason you were aware of, you thought he might like to see you in it after going through the trouble of buying it for you. You stand inside the station biting your lip in anticipation, your hands clasped in front of you and wringing in excitement as you got to see Forrest's form darken the doorway once again. There aren't any customers yet as it's still early, the smell of coffee wafts around the station, your usual signal to your senses that the day was beginning. The air is crisp from the screen door that creaks open, seeing your boys walking in together. It was a sight just a month ago you weren't sure if you'd ever get to see again and now in the golden light of morning, you had the distinct pleasure of seeing all the Bondurant boys come into the station, waddling behind Forrest like little ducks in a row. 

Howard and Jack walk in behind him, acting like they were expecting him to stumble at any moment. He didn't look particularly frail, but he was moving very slowly. His face was hard, you assume from hiding pain. His strong squared face was thinner, the color paler than you recall it being the last time you saw him in the hospital. His jaw is clenched, tiny beads of sweat from exertion roll down his stubbled cheeks as he takes no help from anyone. You don't reach for him or touch him, not wanting to give away your worry for his condition. He was a proud man and you didn't want to insult him. You step forward with a big but closed mouth smile on your face, making sure he knew you'd be happy to receive him no matter what condition he came home to you in He takes his eyes off the floor once he stops and takes a long look at you before your eyes meet. He sees your hands wringing together, itching to touch him, your weight shifted forward on your toes in anticipation. He gives you a subtle half smile, his eyes going soft for you and you try to hide the heavy sigh you want to release at the sentiment behind the stare.

"I'd like a word with Miss Tawny." he says, taking his hat off and setting in on a table, letting his hand rest on it for a moment to hold himself up.

You look to Howard with an inquiring expression. Did he know about Rakes? What was going on? Howard's appearance says he knows as little as you do and shrugs slightly. Both of his brothers nod and bow out of the room to the porch.

His footsteps are heavy and slow and you stand and wait for him patiently. As he approaches, he reaches out and takes your hand. It's a bit weak and clammy, but you don't believe it to be from any indecision, only a by-product of his condition.

"Come with me sweetheart." he says softly, a kind smile that reached his eyes presented to you as you nod happily walk as slow as he needs behind him. 

He leads you into his office, letting your hand go and shutting and locking the door behind him. You watch him with intense interest and curiosity. He shuts the curtains on the windows and turns on a lamp on his desk. You stay quiet, you don't offer to help because if he thought he needed it he'd ask. He was as fast as molasses in the wintertime but he was managing just fine. 

He noticed you being patient with him, that same sweet and caring expression sent his way anytime he looked in your direction. He knew by you behaving this way, letting him do these things himself, that he was making the right decision. He kneels down, opening up a secret panel in the wall by removing one of the pieces of wood. You're interested but ask no questions as he removes a metal box, his broad form hiding what he was doing and it would seem it might be on purpose. You look down to the floor at your feet, waiting for him. He puts the box back in the wall after a few unidentified shuffling noises, the piece clicks back into place. 

He grunts as he stands, using one hand on the wall to steady himself. He turns to face you, hands in his pockets as he starts to speak with his eyes on the floor. 

"This ain't how I wanted this to go but...if you wait for things to be perfect you'll be waiting forever." his brow his furrowed, your face is open and waiting in earnest for his words. He shuffles towards you, towering as usual and you were thankful he was able to be upright at all. "I've almost died a few times. But I don't know that I've had to fight so hard to stay alive before. While I was fightin' it this time, all I could think about was you." your face goes soft, your lashes blink slowly at the vulnerable man in front of you. "I don't know that if I didn't have you to get back to, that I would've made it this time." his brow shifts, his voice low and slow, telling you of how strongly he meant what he was saying. "And seein' as I'm on borrowed time already by your hand," his head shifts towards you, he reaches out an takes the hands he referred to into his own. "I realized when I had time to think about it in the hospital... it's been you this whole time ain't it?" he raises his face, his eyes now met with yours and your brow knits as you tilt your head up at him, wanting to understand what he was trying to express. "I beat that flu, thinkin' about what if's. I survived a slit throat because you cared about me. Now I get shot and knowing you'd be here, waitin' on me when I got home... it kept me alive." Your eyes shine with tears and your breath hitches. What had you done to deserve to hear such words from such a force of nature like Forrest Bondurant? "You're my reason for livin' Tawny. I can see that now." he nods, his hand moving to his pocket. "I apologize for not tellin' you sooner, sweetheart and I hope you know I mean that from the bottom of my heart." he meets your eyes and gives you a series of slow nods. "But I aim to spend the rest of my life making it up to you." he says quietly as he, grunts through the pain, damned and determined to get down to one knee to see this through properly for your sake. 

You can't breathe, your throat is sealed shut and your eyes don't recall what blinking is anymore as you try to hide your surging emotions from him. 

"I love you more than I can express. And I'd like to spend my whole life apologizin' for that too if you'd let me. Tonya Barrett, "he clears his throat, eyes meeting yours again. "Would you do me the honor of being my wife?" 

You'd never seen fear in the man's eyes before. And there it was. Soul bared to you, leaving his heart in your hands willingly. Your mouth opens and trembles, you gulp noisily and nod. You nod and nod it doesn't stop even as you speak. 

"Forrest Bondurant I would love nothing more than to be your wife." you choke as he slides the simple, slender ring onto your finger. You don't let him rise, you couldn't wait any longer. You drop to your knees, showing you are at each other's mercy and you hold his face. "I love you so much," you whisper, one single kiss to his lips. You aren't harsh like you wish to be. You want to meld into one being with him, but both on your knees now, one of his hands in your hair, the other around your waist as your rest your hands on his shoulders and kiss gently instead. Your noses nuzzles against each other, he can tase the salt from your tears as he gives you all he can endure in the state he's in. "I missed you so much," you whisper between soft, slow rounds of kisses. "I was so scared, Forrest." 

"So was I." he confesses, foreheads pressed together.

"I love you too much for you to leave me." you murmur, your hands on either side of his face as you press your lips to his cheeks.

"I ain't leavin' ya, Tawny. Without you, I'm just a man, but with you, I'm invincible." through the tears that fall, you feel the things neither of you could say in the shaky breaths you share. With your hearts pressed as closely together as possible, they tell each other what words couldn't express.  
\------  
You'd closed the station early and with Forrest being home and alive you had a perfectly reasonable excuse to have had such a smile on your face the entire day. He stayed in bed and Howard stayed around to help you run the station allowing you to go up and check on him a few times. You'd fluffed his pillows as he insisted you didn't, you fed him his lunch even though he said he was perfectly capable of doing it himself and every time he objected to you taking care of him, you got to lean in and whisper that you were going to be his wife now and that meant you took care of him and he had to listen to you. With a kiss to his cheek, you'd ran your hand down the side of his handsome face, sighing heavily as a small amused smile surfaced at your words. Every time you'd lean down to kiss him he'd see the ring hanging from the chain around your neck, worn as such to keep your privacy. The thrill of metal warmed by your skin, the weight of the band against your chest was a constant reminder of how far the two of you had come. 

As you settle in to sleep, you make your way to his room. You change his bandages, wash him up and get his medicine down him before slipping into bed next to him. You couldn't exactly snuggle up to him like you were used to, but you made do. On the side of his body that only had one shot to his lower abdomen, you rest your head gently on his shoulder, laying on your side with your hand on his chest and only after he insisted you weren't hurting him by doing so. As your fingertips run through the chest hair, his shirt off from your insistence when you changed his bandages and told him he needed to let them breathe, you take in his profile as he rests with his eyes closed. You know you only have a certain amount of time before his medicine kicks in and you know you need to tell him about Rakes knowing the longer you waited, the harder it would be. 

You were nervous, you weren't sure how he'd take it. Howard had reassured you many times, offering to tell him for you since it seemed to make you so anxious, but you refused. 

"Forrest?" you say softly into the shadowy room. 

"Hmmm?" he hums with a twinge of his brow. 

"I have something I need to tell you?" he could hear the uncertainty in your voice and he's surprised by it. 

"Hmmm? What is it sweetheart?" he asks softly, turning his head to face you. 

"I'm guessin' Howard told you about Rakes gettin' away, right?" your nose twitches as you feel your pulse start to quicken. 

"Mmmm." a lower annoyed sound from him. 

"Well.. um..." you let out a heavy sigh through your nose. 

"Don't you worry about him, Tawny." he says softly, the arm you rested on bending and stroking your hair. "We've got men out looking for him, eyes on the station, he won't hurt you." he says comfortingly and you bite your lip. 

"I'm not worried about him, baby." you let out a huff of air that's almost like a laugh and it confuses him. "And you shouldn't be either."

He tilts his head slightly, brow softer and more inquisitive. "Why's that?" he asks casually. 

"Because he's dead." you state flatly. 

"Dead?" he asks. 

"Yeah." your voice stays the same.

"And how would you know that?" his voice drops lower. 

"Because I..." you try to force it out. 

"Tawny?" he asks more assertively.

"He came to the station last night, and I's alone. Well...I guess the most important part to share is that I killed him." the words come out gritty as you push them, your nose wrinkles, bolstered for a severe reaction. 

He's still for a moment, just watching you and you find the nerve to meet his eyes. "You killed him?" his voice is still even, no sign of being offended yet. 

"Yeah. I stabbed him and...used your knuckles and then...I shot him in the head." you whisper. 

"You? You killed Rakes." he affirms. 

"Yes." you almost whimper out, still apprehensive. 

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to elaborate, darlin'." he says with a huff of air. 

"I was alone, cleanin' up and he came in. He was spewin' all sorts of threats to me about you, sayin' things that don't deserve repeatin' about what he was gonna do to me... then what he's gonna do to you. I had your knuckles on me of course, I've kept 'em in my apron since you've been gone. I caught him off guard and stabbed him, then I hit him with everything I had. He tried to pull his gun but I took it. I kinda blacked out. I remember screamin' about you and the boys and... so much blood. I stabbed him in the chest and then I shot him in the head." you pause after the words come out rushed, your mind still comprehending that what you were telling had really happened. "He's dead, Forrest." your voice sounded exhausted as you retold the story. 

"Where is he now?" 

"I gave Howard the idea to chop him and feed him to the pigs. He burned everything else and I cleaned up the station."

"Howard helped you?"

"He showed up about halfway through the whole...fight. I didn't even notice he was there."

"And he didn't help you?" the first sound of anger is in his voice.

"I didn't..." you huff out an uneasy laugh. "I didn't really need it at that point?" your purse your lips. "I made him not tell you, I wanted to tell you myself. Thought that was the best approach."

He's quiet, eyes looking past you, brain whirring with thoughts. 

"If you're mad I understand." you mutter, your hand placed flat on his chest as your eyes go wide and beg for forgiveness as he turns his face to meet yours.

"Mad? At you?" his face might've been as dramatic as you've ever seen it, it was a shame it was so dark in the room. 

"Yeah... 'cause... I figured you wanted to be the one to do it and I didn't know if you'd want a woman who'd do and say the kinda things I did last night." your voice is small as you shake your head, lowering your eyes. 

He grunts, moving slowly to his side to face you, his hand moving to your face to make you look at him. "Tawny. Why would I be mad at you for doing exactly what you should've done?" he whispers, eyes not leaving yours as you slump with relief. "The only thing that makes me mad about it is that it goes to show I should've made you a Bondurant sooner." he says with a purpose in his voice that makes your stomach butterflies excite. "You..." he lets out a sigh, kissing your forehead and pulling you close, injuries be damned. "My little Tawny killed Rakes," he says in disbelief as your head rests against his chest. "But of course you did." he clutches you against him. "It's fittin' the matriarch of the Bondurant's would be the one take out their biggest enemy wouldn't it?" he whispers into your ear, a kiss to your temple follows. "You took care of us." he moves you away to gaze at your face again. "You took care of this entire family." his heart swelled and pumped at the admiration and pride he felt. 

Anytime he'd spent in the hospital that wasn't thinking about you, he was thinking about how he was going to kill Rakes. He'd think about how he would manage to protect you and everyone from Rake. And while he wasn't able to you'd stepped up, just like you told him you would. You had it handled. Even though he had no doubts before, the fact that you stood up for him, his family and yourself against someone that had sworn to destroy all of you. 

"I had to do it for us, Forrest. For me and you and the boys. I wasn't going to let him hurt you again. And I made him suffer. I'm still a little shaky about it truth be told, but I hurt him as much as I could before he died. For you. For everything he's done." your voice is so small and thinks you should have more pride for what you've done. 

"Tawny...baby..." he smiles at you. "Don't you ever feel ashamed for doing what you have to to survive. Don't even think I'll hold it against you for doin' somethin' like this, alright?" he says, thumb caressing your cheek.

"Yes, Forrest." you nod. 

"I'm so proud of you." he leans forward despite it being difficult to and kisses you. "My perfect little wife." he hums against your lips. 

"Forrest." you huff out, blushing with embarrassment from the praise. 

"I'm not waiting another day to marry you. I'm callin' the preacher tomorrow. We'll get the paperwork and we'll go somewhere secret, just me 'n you." he gives you a soft peck to the lips. "Don't worry 'bout workin' tomorrow, you go get you a nice dress, flowers, whatever it is you want." another kiss. 

"I know where I wanna do it." you say with a smile, he's so thankful to see your eyes bright again. 

"Where's that?" he settles back into the bed, not wanting to push himself. Especially with a big day coming. 

"The one place that's always been just for me 'n you." you smile happily, returning to the crook of his arm, your fingertips brush across his chest again.

He lets out a small huff of breath. "Mmm Hmm." he nods. "That'll be perfect, sweetheart." he sighs.  
\---------------  
The morning is a blur. You get up before the sun and do exactly as he said, you buy a charming vase of flowers, tying them yourself to form a bouquet and buy a modest white dress. Nothing about it was anything you'd ever thought of when you'd entertained the fantasy of getting married, but it was difficult to imagine it going any other way with the life you were combining yours with. It was slightly chaotic and full of nervous energy, but ask any other bride and they'd say their intricately designed day felt much the same to your spontaneous one. Amidst the sneaking and the hurried errands, nothing ever felt as if it shouldn't be happening the way it was, you were going to be a Bondurant and despite every bit of anxiety, it felt like everything was as it should be. 

You gather your dress in paper, hiding it in the bottom of a basket with your flowers. You go to the woods under the guise of picking mushrooms and plants and no one seems to bat a lash at the excuse. Forrest had left before you, knowing it would take him longer to get to your rendezvous point and trying to make the meeting less obvious. You make your way through the springtimes woods, being sure to take in the air, fingers grazing over the tree's you'd ran past hundreds of times in the dark as kids. You follow the beaten, unmarked trail down to the pond and make yourself emotional thinking about all the times you'd been down this path before. You'd only ever been down this way a handful of other times in daylight, and you found it poetic that all the times before you'd been running full speed, recklessly in the dark to be alone before. But today everything was clear and bright and alive and you knew without a doubt what you were headed for. Growing up you'd wanted the rock for isolation, to hide and lament your life where no one else could see. Forrest always seemed to ignore that and despite your wordless attempts to get him to leave you alone he never would. It was as if he knew long before you did that you didn't come here to be alone at all, you came here to be with him. So it was befitted you were headed to the place that would signify the end of you being alone and the beginning of something to share with vulnerability, a life to revel in together. 

You change behind a bush in the woods into your dress, a nontraditional approach to say the least. But as you see him standing in his proper suit jacket, proud as could be, watching you walk down the embankment to the pond you couldn't imagine reaching this milestone in your life any other way. He'd paid a hefty amount for the preacher to keep his mouth shut about it and that was fine with you. Would it have been a Bondurant wedding if bribery wasn't involved somehow, anyway?

Your steps are light as you stand beside the moss-covered boulder that always stood as a marker of your affections for one another. WIth no one else to witness, you take your bouquet and lay it on the stone before reaching out to join hands together for the last time as a Barrett. Your eyes were bright, delighted and full of the best sort of nervousness you'd ever known. As is typical of your Forrest, his brow was low over those stormy blue eyes that kept tight to yours. As your hands shook he grasped them tighter, an appropriate indication to join the metaphor of the ceremony. It went by the book and it was all either of you needed. It was simply a formality but for plenty of reasons, the most important to him being that you deserved to be made his wife and a Bondurant at an official capacity. Your vows are those that had been said by countless others before you, the charming simplicity in them now hitting you as you connected your life to his with words that weren't your own. But words had never really been how you two expressed your feelings and you didn't need them starting now. 

After a repeated vow and an "I do." from both, the man was even shy to kiss you with only the preacher there and you couldn't help but let out a giggle through the building veil of tears. Forrest as he always was around anyone else was reserved and stoic and you were entirely the opposite. You'd become a young girl again, bubbling over and splitting at the seams with visible joy as if you'd never known heartbreak in its many forms intimately as you had. 

You found his anticipated behavior to only be endearing, as you knew the real Forrest and that's all that mattered to you. You heard the loving things he whispered into your ear at night, you knew how he held you, cherished you when you were alone and that would always be more than enough. And your love was exactly that, yours. No one else's. No one else needed to know how lucky the two of you were. Whether it was for safety or him not wanting anyone knowing his business, it was his decision as your husband now and you couldn't bring yourself to mind in the least. You got to keep him like a secret, and he you. It seemed that was how it'd always been with the two of you, and you found it apt that should be how it was now.

With it still being under three weeks of him being shot, his health still wasn't great. Your wedding night was spent together in each other's arms with more kisses and sweet words than either of you had ever spoken and that was the beginning and end of it. And despite his apologies for not being able to make it "proper" as he'd put it, you couldn't have cared less. There would be time for that later, there were more important things than that to focus on. Like how the light hit the stone of your rings that you got to wear on your hands and not around your necks as you lay in bed, the fingers bearing the jewelry laced together. It felt better than you'd ever hoped, being someone else's. It was something you had thought might've not been for you, and if you'd stayed in the city it wouldn't have been. You felt an ease come over you that you hadn't anticipated. It was as if you were finally letting go of all the darkness that brought you to this place in your life. If it hadn't been for all the wicked things, you wouldn't have ended up here in with him. The love you felt that far exceeded any expectations you'd ever had made it feel worth it in hindsight. You'd made it through the storm and now you were left in the calm wake of it with Forrest, the darkness now behind you both. You were starting something new together, something chaste, wholesome and true. It felt like it'd been lifetimes since either of you had been able to recall such a sentiment.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

Your daylight hours were spent much the same as they were before. You worked, cleaned, cooked, served at the station and kept tabs on two teenage boys when you could. But your nights were dedicated to your husband. The weight of the ring on the delicate chain around your neck kept your necklines high and as it shifted against your skin as you moved, it served as a reminder of the secret you got to share with Forrest. 

You made Forrest promise not to push himself, for both of your sakes. He'd get headaches, even if he tried to hide them. Being a woman you knew all about hiding pain so you knew the signs. 

You'd watch him through the window in the door to his office, setting down his pen and rubbing his temples for too long for it to just be normal stress. You would give a nod to Howard, who knew what it meant, you needed a break and you'd slink into Forrest's office and pull one of the blinds down that would block you from view but only one as to not be suspicious. You'd rub his back and shoulders gently, still aching and healing, drawing deep grunts from him. 

"Are the numbers givin' you trouble?" you say softly, fingers rubbing the back of his neck for a moment. 

"Not the numbers, just my head." he admits, groaning quietly, closing his eyes as your fingers immediately soothe the tension in his muscles.

"Maybe I should get ya some coffee? You can go sit on the back porch for a bit, clear that handsome head of yours." you suggest sweetly, your fingers touching the short sides of his hair and grazing his ear.

"Mmmph." he grunts and nods. 

"Fresh air'll do ya good." you give him a gentle pat on his back.

"I need to finish these. I've put 'em off too long already." he says taking in a deep breath and blinking his eyes. 

"Don't be silly, Forrest. You go rest your eyes, I'll finish this." you angle the book towards you. 

"You need to be runnin' the house." he grunts.

"Lunch rush is over and Howard's out there right now. Stop makin' excuses and take care of yourself." you say a little more sternly. "Best way to make a wife happy is to have a well taken care of husband." you whisper in his ear while your finger runs over the ledger. 

He turns his face to you, eyes softer now. He knew you were right, he still wasn't used to having someone trying to tell him what to do, but when you'd call yourself his wife and use that sweet voice he figured he could be persueded to do just about antyhing by you.

Every day you two woke up together, he was surer of his decision to make you his wife. Although you tended to him as if he were a child and his instincts didn't much care for it, he knew he was getting better faster for it. You not only mended him physically, but you tackled the emotional as well. You didn't know it, but every time you solved a problem yourself, handling patrons and business and the law, he noticed. You took everything you could off his injured shoulders and took it on yourself. Despite him being grumpy and fussy, he'd usually break down and let you step in and help. You'd finish the books when his head would hurt, you'd handle the money when he wasn't up to dealing with folks, you'd finish the heavy chores yourself when his body would remind him of the amount of damage it'd taken and make him weak. You never made him ask or admit he needed help and he appreciated that more than he'd ever been able to express. You never acted like his temporary weakness made him a burdern, you never asked for more from him and you did it all with a smile on your face that only he got to see. 

Since you were married you'd been sleeping in the same bed every night. Sometimes the pain would keep him up, sometimes his mind wouldn't stop running, thinking about you and the future now. He'd watch your lower lip blub out in your sleep, little moans as you'd snuggle into him and he'd pull the cover up over you and put his arms around you. He'd brush back your hair to watch your face relaxed and happy and you'd twich your nose and stir slightly. 

The nights when his spirit was willing, but his body was weak, having to watch the soft hills of your breasts pushed together in your pretty little night dresses, his fingers running up and down the curves of your body his face would furrow and he'd grunt, wishing he could fulfill his husbandly duties to you, as he felt he didn't have as much to offer in return for your love, kindness and patience with him currently. He knew by the way you called his name in your sleep, the heavy breathing, the way your back arched and your hips moved that you were certainly missing the physical aspect your relationship. Even though if he brought it up you'd shush him and tell him not to be silly, that you were just fine, more important things to worry about than that right now. He believed you but was still frustrated about it. Being a good husband was important to him and you had been such a good wife that he couldn't help but feel guilty. 

\----

Everyone had cleared out for the evening and you'd sent Forrest up to get into the bath that you'd drawn for him. With the new plumbing in the station, you'd been enjoying warm baths with sweet smelling soaps that Forrest spoiled you with. You happily change into another present from Forrest, a white, lace hemmed, thin linen sleepin gown. He'd been buying you presents since you'd been married, you figure it was because he felt guilty for not being able to sleep with you, which didn't bother you that much, he was injured and that was the reality you were dealing with. You didn't see any need to be sad about it. You got to spend your night's skin to skin with him, you really couldn't ask for much more than that. 

You pass by the bathroom door, hearing grunts and groans that were from no good source. You open the door and peak your head in, finding his face in a frown and his breathing a bit heavy. 

"Forrest?" you lilt out, shutting the door behind you.

"Tawny. What are you-? Don't come in while a man's bathein'." he scolds.

You shake your head and sigh. "You think I'm gonna ignore your sounds of pain?" you say in a bossy tone and his brow lowers, knowing he can't run you off now that you'd caught him. "What's giving you trouble hun?" you ask sweetly, kneeling on a small stool by the tub. 

"I..." he huffs out an annoyed sound, covering one of the worst of his scars on his shoulder, his forearm hiding away his lower stomach where the other ones sat. "Shoulders actin' up." he admits eventualy, looking down into the water, scattered with bubbles. 

"Then let me help you, baby." you coo out and his blue eyes swing up to meet yours as you lean over him, taking the washcloth out of his hand. 

"I can do it myself, I'm just stiff tonight for some reason."

"Shhh." you shush him, running a wet hand over his hair. "You're my husband now Forrest, I'm gonna help you when you need it. You'd think you'd accept it by now you big silly man." you kiss his temple and you see it softens him slightly, his sad expression resembling that of a scolded puppy's remains. 

"It ain't silly. I just don't like you havin' to help me with basic things like this." he groans, head hanging low.

"This is what we're working with right now, hun." you keep your voice soft and light. "Ain't no shame in it. You won't always need my help with it anyway." The thought seems to make the furrow in his brow lessen. You take the cloth and start scrubbing away at him gently. "Lean on back now, baby, let me get the front." 

"Why you callin' me that?" he asks, his face now set to an indifferent resolve to what was being done to him. 

"Because I'm taking care of you and I think it's a real sweet pet name."

He sits and thinks for a moment. "You like it when I call you that then?" his brow was still set low but his voice was more relaxed. 

"I love it." you give him a big smile and kiss his cheek. 

"I sure as hell don't feel like I look like no baby like this." his head hangs again, you know he's referring to the bullet wound scars that are still red and thick and visible. The incisions leaving marks of their own, leaving him looking worse for wear and a touch ripped apart. They were closed, healing just fine, but you supposed looking like he did now with the pitted places in his back, stomach and sides, that he had taken a hit to his confidence that you hadn't thought about before. 

You lean forward and kiss the one that rests above the water on his shoulder. One kiss to his upper chest, the other to his back and he looks embarassed and you swear there's a touch of blush coming up on his face. "I don't see anything that would stop me from callin' you such a thing my big, sweet, soft man." you say quietly, the water plinking back to the surface as you lean to reach the other side of his chest and give his head another kiss. 

"Hell, Tawny." he grumbles, legs shifting in the tub as if he were kicking dirt under his feet. 

"Now relax for me. Baby." you chuckle, moving to his stomach. "Lean back, get your legs stretched out and your arms up on the sides, here." you say, scooting down the side so he can prop his elbows up on the sides. You move to his hair, scratching his scalp with your nails, running the water down his tilted back head gently and you can tell he's enjoying himself by the little twiches of his nose and the grunts he let's escape. 

His mouth hangs open slightly after he sighs and rests his head back on the tub. 

"This ain't so bad now is it?" you grin and he shakes his head. 

A deep grunt is the approving reply you receive. You see the corner of his mouth twitch in a smile and it's contagious, you let out a contented sigh as you move to scrub his arms, taking each finger and nail and making him squeak with cleanliness. 

You lean in to reach the side farthest from you, the pushed up sleeves and chest of your gown getting wet in the process but you barely noticed. But Forrest noticed. You'd gone about your business, currently rubbing away at his feet as he watched you touch him with the softest and most gentle expression on your face. The steam had drops of sweat beading and falling down your face, neck and into your cleavage. Your hair had fallen around your face, springing wet tendrils that stuck to your skin as you used your forearm to push them back. He tried not to see how you were bare under the nightgown he'd bought you. But the thin material was wet now, and the rosy buds of your breasts were visible through the fabric and he groans at the sight. 

You let out an innocent giggle. "That good baby?" you smile, keeping your eyes on his legs as you scrub away at him. 

"Mmm Hmm." he answers, knowing you weren't even in that mind set. 

He doesn't think about the physical repercussions of the impure thoughts he's having about you and it doesn't occur to you that he's thinking them at all until you get to his upper thighs, brushing over his hard cock and you both jump a little from surprise from the sudden contact. 

"Forrest." your voice dips as you giggle and blush with the unexpectedness of the moment. "Felt a little too good?" you smirk and bite your lip.

"I can't really... control it." he looks away and you let out a chuckle.

"I'm not offended." your voice takes a sultry turn he doesn't expect.

"And yer... ya... gown there." he motions with his head towards your chest and you notice how you practically have your tits out with how little the fabric is covering.

"Oh lord." you groan, looking down. "I didn't even notice." you roll your eyes at yourself. "But you did." you look up at him from under your brow, your hand back on his thigh. "Didn't you Forrest?" your voice breathier.

"Tawny, baby, You know I can't-" his face looks upset but only at himself. 

"I ain't expectin nothin' from ya." your voice infelcts upwards, letting him know to calm down. "But would you like a little help from me?" you tilt your head, your hand moving up cup his balls and his eyes flutter as he groans. You smirk and start using the washcloth as if you were cleaning him again, caresses and strokes, moving to his hips and that still muscular ass of his and back again. You move your bare hand around him as you scoot closer, your chest almost dipping into the water as you reach down to stroke him gently. 

He huffs out a heavy breath, eyes going half lidded before they look at your chest then to your face. "Can you handle this? Lean back and stay relaxed while I take of you? My most handsome husband." you whisper breathily at him. You can tell he wants to complain but is finding it hard. "I don't want anything in return, don't be silly." his brow shifts to show you'd read his mind. "I just wanted you relaxed and happy again." you continue to stroke him, feel him already twitching, the poor thing was so pent up. "I want a big sleepy bear in bed with me tonight," you whisper as he gives in and leans his head back on the lip of the tub. "I want a drained and satisfied husband to curl up next to." His eyes flutter shut and his jaw goes slack. You hear the water sloshing as your arm moves, finding a pace at the slightly awkward angle. "That good baby?" you whisper, leaning to press your lips to his temple. 

"Mmmph." a wrinkled nose and a grunt in response he lets out a sigh. "So good." he rasps out. 

"I know what my husband needs, don't I?" you whisper. "Needs his doting little wife to fufill her duties as well. And Mrs. Bondurant is so happy to help you in any way she can Mr. Bondurant." you purr and he moans, opening his eyes and meeting yours, finding a sinful smile on your lips. 

"Fuck, Tawny." he whines. He'd only said the word a handful of times, but you take it as a compliment and it's meant as one. His eyes are dark as you lean forward to kiss him. You rest his head back on the tub again, making sure he's not tensing up. His arm that rested on the side of the tub moves, a palm upturning to cup your breast that rested in the water. 

You let out an involuntary moan, getting caught up in the moment and he returns it, a pinch to your nipple and a helpless sound escapes you as you feel him twitch in your hands.

"That feels so good, Forrest." you whisper into his ear, not letting him get too carried away wtih the kisses. "Every time you touch me it feels amazing, baby. Every single time." you kiss the shell of his ear. 

"Tawny..." he whines, and you know he's close, he moves to sit forward and you keep him back. 

"Let your wife take care of it." you command in a sweet tone. "You lay back and enjoy it, that's your job. Let me make you feel good, baby. Let go and you'll make me happy." you keep sweet talking into his ear and he lets out a squeaky moan. You'd never heard the noise from him before, you expect as backed up as he was and with his muscles not having done such a thing since being stitched back together that it must've been an intense experience. A gutterual moan follows, that deep rich voice you'd missed. The one he used when wanted to seduce you and it never failed to.   
He lets out small little pants for air for a moment, eyes opening again as you release your grip, a loving little fondle to his balls as you grin at him when he moans again. 

"You look better already." you say, brushing his hair back off his face before grabbing a towel to hand him and one to dry your hands before you kissed his forehead and stood. 

"I feel better." he nods, his eyes sleepy now. 

"Well I know what I'm doin'." you chuckle, taking a towel to his head and rubbing his hair, you rest it over his shoulders and unplug the tub. "C'mon now my big sleepy bear." you baby talk him, holding your hands out to reach around his ribs to steady him as he raised from the tub. "I've gotta go change into a dry gown, I'll meet you in bed sweetheart." you lilt as you do just that. 

He's sitting on the edge of the bed on the clean sheets you'd put on before heading into the bathroom. He has his pajama pants on and no shirt as you'd had him air out his wounds at night. 

"Ready for bed?" you ask, shutting the door behind you and putting your arms around his neck.

"Very." he grunts and you kiss his cheek as you move to the other side of the bed to snuggle into each other. You assume the position of under his arm, hand tracing his chest. 

"Are you bothered by the scars Forrest?" you ask, fingers gliding over one. 

He grunts. "I didn't think about 'em too much... until I thought about you havin' to see 'em." his voice is slightly sad but deep and relaxed, much more at ease even in its hesitation than it'd been in weeks. "You're just so... sweet and soft and now that I'm more lookin' like a monster stitched together it's hard to not feel a little... mismatched with ya." he sighs out.

"We're a perfect match." you say raising on your elbow and holding the side of his face kissing him. He smiles and covers your hand with his. "I don't mind at all." you whisper, leaning down to kiss the one on his neck. "This scar just reminds me how we told each other how we felt." you place small tender kisses along the raised line on his neck. "And these just prove how brave and loyal you are. You told me you'd love me no matter what the day you got these." you kiss each scar from his shoulder to his hips. "Because of these you asked me to marry you," you say as you return to his lips, your hand resting over the large mark on his lower stomach. "Not that looks are what really matters when it comes down to it, but you've never been short on good looks, Forrest." you grin and smooch his cheek more playfully and he hums contently. "No amount of scars on ya is gonna make me think otherwise." you snuggle back down on him and he takes your hand in his and kisses your fingers. "I'll take ya in any form I can have ya. It wouldn't make a lick of difference to me. I love you and that's all that matters." you state definitively. 

"And I love you Mrs. Bondurant." he coos, a final kiss to your knuckles before he returns your hand to his chest, covered in his.

"Oh don't go sweet talkin' me now, we gotta sleep." you giggle and rest your leg over his. 

"Night baby." he whispers, kissing the top of your head as you hum happily. 

"Night, handsome." you mumble, burying your face in his chest, but he can still make out the happy little smile on your face, and that's more than enough to ease any sort of pain he could feel.   
\-----  
You bring out coffee to both Howard and Forrest who are sitting out on the front porch watching the sun rise in the sky. 

"I couldn't help but notice a few things changin' 'round here." Howard muses, side eyeing Forrest after you go back inside to start breakfast. 

Forrest grunts into his mug. "And what'd that be, Howard?" he asks with pursed lips, looking out past the road into the woods. 

"You 'n Tawny." he says with a grin and Forrest returns the side eye. "I went lookin' for her one mornin' and she wasn't in her room. Didn't think much of it at first." he narrows his eyes, rubbing his chin as if in thought. "But then I come home the other night and she's not in her room again, so I go to ask you where she's at and I can't help but hear the both of you talkin'." he smirks. 

"What you lookin' for her for?" Forrest asks.

"Aggh." Howard scolds. "Don't you go actin' like that's the point of this." he lets out a chuckle.

"Then what's your point, Howard?" Forrests face remains unchanged. 

"I'm just sayin' if ya'll are finally sleepin' together and in the same bed at night..." he gives a little shrug and Forrest remains unchanged. "I know she loves you, I heard her say it when she killed Rakes. She's the reason things are so peaceful now. She's saved your sorry ass and kept the cops off ours. She's crazy about you. She takes care of you, even loves your grumpy ass for some reason."

Forrest clears his throat and says nothing, his eyes still looking at Howard, mouth set in a straight line. 

"Oh hell, Forrest..." he rolls his eyes, leaning forward across the small table towards his stubborn brother. "If ya'll are actin' so damn married why don't you just up 'n marry that sweet little thing? Huh? You've had it bad for her since ya'll's kids and now you're back at it and I don't see no reason why you shouldn't just get hitched." he says quietly but sternly. "Make a proper woman out of her, ya know? You owe her more than that anyway." he says with a shake of his head. 

"Who says I haven't already?" he responds in a cool even tone and Howard does a double take, lowering his chin. 

"You..." he pouts his lips in thought. "You're already...?"

Forrest nods in response, looking out the road as if someone might see him.

"YOU SLY FUCKIN' DOG!" Howard shouts, standing and walking over to him and hugging him as he grunts and groans at the affection. "Why didn't you tell me? My own brother! Anyone else know?" he asks more quietly, giving Forrest a hard slap to the arm to celebrate. 

"No. And I want it kept that way." he glares up his older brother.

"Alright, alright. You and your secrets." he groans and shakes his head. "Congrats little brother. First of us to go straight." he laughs. "You got the best woman I know. Only one worthy of being a Bondurant 'round here." he sits back down with a huge smile on his face. 

Forrest nods in agreement. "That's why I made her one." he states obviously. A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth that Howard can't see.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW  
> This is the final full chapter of this story. There will be a short epilogue after this.  
> I already miss these two. 

You'd woken up next to a lightly snoring Forrest, which was always a pleasant way to start the day. He'd pulled you particularly close, the close of summer coming in, the slightest chill in the air at night had you buried in his chest, legs between his as he surrounded you completely. He had healed magnificently, the doctors as always, couldn't believe it. He's told you it was your doing with a kiss to the head multiple times now. He was back to doing chores, his broad shoulders were once again broad, the strength coming back under his skin, the summer sun filling him back with color. The scars were dark but you'd kissed them time and time again until he no longer noticed them when looking in the mirror. He was almost back to his old self, save one thing. 

You're changing, your hair in rag rollers and only in your slip when he comes back into the bedroom. 

"Mornin'." he says with a lazy smile.

"Mornin' sweetheart." you coo back, tilting your head to receive a kiss on the cheek. He moves his arms around your waist and does just that. 

"I got somethin' for ya." he says as he gives you a squeeze and steps back to the bed.

"You got me a present?" you chirp, snapping in your earrings. "You are spoiling your wife rotten lately, Mr. Bondurant." you chuckle, taking the box from his hands. "First that new sleeping gown and now... whatever this is." you almost blush as you think of the lace and silk he'd bought. It'd seemed so forward of him to buy something so suggestive. He'd bought you gowns before, but they were long, some made from warmer, thicker material as well as the smooth and glossy ones. But this one had been shorter and had a deep lacy neckline that made you blush. He said it was because he was going to have you wear it for him one day soon. A reminder and a promise that he still wanted you. But in his typical fashion, he wasn't going to sleep with you again until he knew he could do it right and at full capacity. Forrest never half-assed anything and he sure wasn't about to give you a performance that was lacking that would mark your official joining as husband and wife. He'd taken his role as a husband so close to heart it hurt yours sometimes to see him unhappy about no consummating yet. You'd told him you'd waited a lifetime before and a few months wasn't anything you weren't perfectly capable of handling. 

Under his caring gaze, you reveal a lovely dark green dress in the same decorated box they always came in. He knew you liked habing pretty possessions. He'd never cared much about such things, choosing to focus on bare necessities and not the small flourishes that you loved so much about life. But even though he didn't understand your happiness for being dressed up and in lovely fabrics, he knew they made you happy, so he bought them for you when something grabbed his eye. Sometimes it was something that caught his attention, that tightening in his jaw at the thought of what you'd look like in such a thing, something he'd recognize a certain silhouette you wore often. He'd learned so many things about fashion and clothing beyond patching and sewing and keeping warm since being with you. He supposed that the expanding of his knowledge, even if it wasn't with something he found useful often wasn't something to turn his nose up at. 

"It's beautiful, Forrest." you coo, wrinkling your nose at him as you held the soft green patterned fabric up against you in the mirror. It nipped at the waist and flowed everywhere else, just as you liked. It had long sleeves and a hem below the knee for the incoming cold. 

"Color reminded me of your eyes." he says quietly, watching you sway back and forth, looking thoughtfully at your reflection. You sigh heavily and let the dress weigh in your hands as you turn back to him."You also hadn't bought any winter dresses so..." he nods and clears his throats and shrugs. 

"Very thoughtful from you on all counts, handsome." you pat his chest as you praise him. He gives you the signature nod and grunt in response. 

\-----

The chill of the night is settling in as you stand on the back porch, listening to the trees brush against each other in the wind. The sun had gone down long ago. Forrest had just come back in from finishing the laborious chores and locking up. He stands and watches you for a moment, half-lit in the moonlight, lower half of the dress he'd bought you blowing in the wind. You'd rolled up the sleeves as soon as your feet hit the station floor that morning, preparing yourself for work for that day. A sure sign of a hard working woman he thought, hiding the tiny pearl button clasps on the cuffs to roll up her sleeves and get her hands dirty. He sees the curls you'd set that morning starting to fall, and he preferred your hair like this at the end of the day when you were alone with him. It reminded him of when you were younger. You looked softer, happier, maybe that wild and free sense of self from your youth being awoken as you let your hair down and bounce around your summer tanned skin. You always wore it more strictly styled or tied or pinned back for work. Getting to see you with your apron off, a few buttons were undone on your chest with your hair down and unfurled, your lipstick worn off and not reapplied, was something he cherished getting to see.

He assumes that perhaps it's much the same with you for him as you've tried to explain. You'd told him that the secrecy wasn't really a problem for you, that sure, you wanted everyone to know you were his and he yours, but it wasn't something you couldn't live without. The only thing you couldn't live without was him. You got to have the soft side of all to yourself, and it seemed that he also got the soft side of you all to himself whether you realized it or not. 

"What you up to out here Miss Tawny?" his deep voice sneaks up on you from behind as his heavy boots hit the wooden porch. 

You smile at the low tone he has in the evenings. "Wanted to wind down a bit, but then I saw this little feller and I figured I'd wait for him to scoot closer so I could see what winter we were in for." you say, your fingers laid out in front of a solid black wooly worm inching his way across the banister. 

"Solid black and it ain't even fall yet." his voice shows his lack of enthusiasm. 

"Yeah, reckon it'll be a tough one. It's barely September and it's already getting cold enough to bring out the extra blankets at night." you elaborate, running your finger gently over the soft and prickly surface of the soothsayer worm. 

"I ain't too worried 'bout it." his lips pout as he stands behind you, surveying the empty space before putting his arms around you to keep you warm. 

"You ain't? Winters can be tough 'round here. You know that as well as anyone."

"Yeah but you put in the work on that garden this summer if I do recall," he says proudly. "We've got enough canned already to make it through just fine. You got those potatoes, beans and onions comin' in."

"And pumpkins and squash soon out the far field." you add with a proud smile. 

"You've been workin' that cute little tail off Miss Tawny." you hear the rare and coveted deep chuckle from him.

"Don't worry, with all the pumpkin pie I'll be makin' it'll be back soon." you laugh, your hands rubbing over his as he hums happily and kisses the top of your head. 

"Lookin' forward to that." he adds earnestly.

"The pie or the tail?" you manage to get out without giggling, but it follows soon after.

"My goodness," he says with faux exasperation. "The mouth on you." he jokes, you feel him laugh against your back. 

You both stand that like for a while, listening to the leaves, hearing the owls in the trees. You were both full from dinner and warm from each other and your favorite part of the day was underway, your alone time with Forrest. 

"How are you feelin' tonight, hun?" you ask, turning in his arms to ask the same question you ask him at the end of every day. You fuss with the wrinkles in his shirt, expecting the same answer, as usual, a grunt, a shrug, a vague, alright on a good day but you don't receive that tonight.

"I'm feelin' real good tonight." he says, lowering his eyes to yours, watching your smile grow quickly at the out of place positive answer. 

"I couldn't be happier to hear it." you practically swoon at him, your hands making their way around him under his cardigan. You'd been waiting for him to feel himself again. You hated seeing the unhappy frown you know was from a place of discontent with himself. You didn't see it in his eyes tonight as you gazed up at his handsome face with his brow set low and heavy. 

He sees you beaming up at him and lets out a deep breath, contemplating how the rest of the evening might go as he looked over your soft, lovely face. He did feel good again. He felt whole again and in control of himself like he used to be. As he considers the strides he's had to make to get to such a point he knows he's better now than he ever had been when it came to his emotional well being. He knew staying in control, being logical and reasonable and giving a fair but tough approach to things was important. But then you'd come back and it sent him into a fit emotionally. So much had happened so quickly with the family and you and now you were family too. You'd taught him the importance of seeking out your happiness, of finding things that give it to you and nurturing them. He'd spent so long having to worry about taking care of things. He raised Jack, took care of the farm and the station with his parents gone and Howard at war. He'd had to take care of his older brother after he came back, so no solace was found in his return for him. He'd been worrying about everyone and everything for so long it was hard to remember how to not worry and enjoy himself. Even though he did, he knew he'd never have to really worry about you. You'd always taken care of yourself, even though he'd interjected a handful of times. He knew you would never be a source of constant worry and he was eternally grateful to you for that. He felt whole in a new way with you. He'd found the necessity in the softness and the love that you brought into his life, the peace you'd brought them all with your sacrifice and he wanted to finally bring the piece that was missing from your life back to you both tonight to make you whole together again. 

He moves his hand to your cheek, a move that surprises you as you see a new tone shift over his face. The sweet gesture catches you off guard as you pout your lips and nuzzle into his hand. "I can make ya happier to hear it." he offers, his voice a deep velvety smoothness you hadn't heard in months. That electricity he made you feel shoots around inside you, making you recall the first night he'd kissed you. 

"What on earth could you do to make me happier, my doting husband?" you wrinkle your nose playfully at him, shaking your head up at him. "You've absolutely spoiled me rotten today with gifts and flowers and candy. Ain't even my birthday or nothin'." you give him a little happy giggle that makes the corner of his mouth pull back into a smile. 

"There's been a reason for that." he nods, his voice staying calm and deep and soothing. 

"And what's that?" you smile up at him, an innocent and lovely batting of your lashes with your sweet tone.

"There's one thing I've been meanin' to do." his brow furrows slightly, but it doesn't read as upset, only thoughtful. You fingers gently stroke the fabric of his shirt, eyes large and inquisitive. "C'mon baby doll..." he says with a nod of his head, turning towards the door. "I got a surprise for ya upstairs." he says with a mischevious glance and you purse your lips at him with a face that shows him you know he's up to something. 

"Since you asked so nice." you give him a sultry smile before making your way inside. "What have you done now? I don't know nothin' else you could give me on top of the rest of it today, Forrest." you continue to murmur your speculation as he follows you up the stairs, a smug smile on his face you can't see. 

You walk into the bedroom you share together. You see nothing out of place, nothing added. The room is dark and you stand at the foot of the bed with a confused frown. You hear the door shut behind you, so you turn to face him to ask what you're missing. He's standing much closer than you expected, your eyes blinking fast as they meet with his chest, looking up to him as he takes his hat off and hangs it on one of the posts on the bed before sucking his teeth and looking down at you. This look in his eyes is new and you'd thought you'd seen everything Forrest had to offer. 

"I don't say this with the intention to upset you, darlin', but every time you've called me your husband I can't say that I've felt like I deserve the title." his brow sits low as always, his eyes not wavering from your own. "To me, a man must encompass all aspects of being a husband. And I ain't. I've not been able to give you everything you need." his lips pursed in thought. "I planned to make amends for it with you, tonight." He sees your chest rise and fall noticeably, he knows you're catching on to what he's referring to now. He moves slowly but surely, big hands wrapped around you to your back, holding you against him as he speaks low and slow to you. "I'm a patient man but these past few months have pushed me. I never intended to make you wait so long for me. But as you know I ain't gonna do a job unless I can do it right." he nods down at you and you feel the flush coming to your cheeks. "I know you've told me that it ain't bothering you to be without me while I've been down." He pushes the hair away from your face and lets out a sigh. "But I know that ain't been entirely true." his tilts his head at you, one eyebrow raising slightly as if to challenge you. 

You lower your brows to respond, mouth open and ready to disagree, to let him know you understood but with a thumb to your lips, his hand along your face he shushes you. 

"I know you meant it, baby." he whispers and you exhale a shaky breath against his thumb, still stroking back and forth against your pouted lips. "But I've had to watch you in your sleep these past months and you can't hide needin' somethin' all the time." he shakes his head slowly, stares shifting between your lips and eyes that from any other person would've been intimidating. "I've heard you in your sleep, Tawny." his voice drops somehow lower, you feel the heat back in your cheeks, knowing of the dreams you'd had of Forrest. "I've had to lay there and hear you moanin' out my name." 

The sound of him saying things of a sexual nature to you made your heart race. He'd never talked about things like this, but there was a boldness to him as he stood so close, feeling hard and healthy against you. 

"I've had to watch your body writhe, those pretty little silk dresses ridin' up your hips as you beg things of me." His voice is breathy and his eyes flutter shut for a moment as he thinks back to those painful nights that he ached to touch you. "I know what you need now, Tawny. I've already heard you ask me for it." his head shakes back and forth slightly. 

You feel shame, but in a new and invigorating way you never experienced. 

"So I had to wait, so I could give you the choice of how to consummate this marriage." He hand slides to the side of your neck, his shoulder shifting as does his brow, his hand now holding your hip in a firm grip. "I'd had intentions of takin' my time. And I reckon I still do. But my plans of making love to you, being as slow about it as I could for ya changed over the course of these past months." his tone shifts, you'd never heard him speak to you like this before and you could feel the sweat forming on your skin from it. "The things you were askin' for in those dreams Tawny..." his voice sends that shiver of shame down your spine again where it settled right between your thighs. Similar to the sensation of getting scolded or getting caught when you were younger, but this was a different animal entirely. "The words I heard come out of those soft lips of yours." he shakes his head and you feel take a deep breath. "They told me what I had intended to do wouldn't be what you need." he takes a moment to pause, tilting his head and studying the almost fearful look in your eyes. "Is that true?" he asks with pouted lips.

"All I really need is you." you rasp out. 

"Now baby..." that deep tone makes your visible shudder as he feels you shaking in his arms and it sends a new sort of thrill through him. "You wouldn't be lyin' to me now would ya?"

"Never." you breathe out, your voice weak. 

"Then I need you to tell me if that's what you really want." he brushes his nose against yours. "You know you only have to ask and I'll give you whatever it is you need, sweetheart. And know that I'm more than capable of it now." a single chaste kiss had never felt so dirty in your whole life. "So do you want me soft tonight baby? Or do you need me hard?" Your knee's literally go weak and he let's out a soft, dark laugh as he hoists you up against him. 

"I don't rightly recall what I asked for, truth be told. It's just...it's been so long, Forrest." your voice is desperate, breathy and whiney and you can't manage to make it come out sounding any other way. You put your hands to his face, your chest heaving and he'd barely touched you. 

"I can tell you if you really can't recall." he whispers, moving to kiss one of your hands on his face. 

You nod just slightly, a small murmured "MmmHmm."

He leans in closer, nose skimming your jaw, kisses planted to your cheeks and he whispered into your ears. "You were askin' for it faster. You'd plead for me to go harder." You see his nose twitch before he speaks the next words that make you fall to pieces. Spoken with his plush lips right against your ear, "You'd shift those soft hips against me and beg me to fuck you, baby. You made me so damn hard it hurt." he moans into your ear and you turn your head fast and kiss him hard. You moan the moment you feel his lips press back against yours, his hand moving to the back of your head to hold you fast to him as your fingers already worked to unbutton his shirt. 

"Fuck, Forrest." you moan and whine shamelessly. He groans deep as it rumbles in his chest, you can feel it under your hands as you take a moment to feel the sturdy expanse of his chest as rose and fell fast just like yours. You reach down, moving fast and undo his trousers, being held up with suspenders still, you take him out of the confines of them. "God, I need you, I need you so bad." you cry out in desperation, taking your panties and heels off and forgetting them just as quickly before wrapping your arms tightly around his neck. "I do want it hard, Forrest." you nod against his lips and he rumbles out another groan at your confirmation of his dirty words from earlier. "Fuck me, baby, please, there'll be time for sweet later, just give me back the big strong man I've missed." you declare into the dark room, his lips moving down to your neck and he bends and picks you up, wrapping your legs around him. To your surprise you find your back knocked against the door instead of the bed, but you'd never been wetter or needed someone so badly before. You'd never wanted someone to come at you so hard it hurt, you felt like a caged animal finally getting free, and you realize maybe you were denying how badly you'd needed him this whole time. In no graceful way, not that it mattered, he readjusts and pushes into you and you let out a shameless moan that sounded like you were being paid to do it. It stung, the hardness of him so suddenly after being empty for so long but you welcomed it. The pain was very temporary as he started to move, grunts with every thrust as your fingers buried in his hair. To your surprise and delight, letting you know he needed you just as badly as you did him, he frees one hand, popping the buttons on the pretty dress of yours before you realize what he's doing. You move to help him, letting his hands move back to your hips to hold you up. You take your breasts out and his mouth is on them in a second before you even get both out. "Fuck me, Forrest, yes." you let your wanton cries out, head knocking against the door, him panting against your flushed skin. Sucking hard with a few moments of growling nibbles to your hard nipples catch you off guard. "Ugh, you were right, fuck me harder, baby." you moan, arms around his neck, keeping him close. You feel his grip tighten on you, lifting you before shifting his hands, leaning you away from the door and using your own weight to pound into you, bouncing you off of him. You get lost in the singular fact that he's strong enough to do such a thing again, feeling much like a light-headed debutante, declaring how she fancies a suitor. You throw your head back in a high pitched squeal of a laugh, bringing it back down to rest your foreheads together as he grunts and groans and you praise him breathlessly. "You're so good. So fucking good." you coo and tense before he lets you land against the door again. The position on the door works better for you it seems, causing the angle to shift and him to rub against you. "Yes, like that baby, please." you call out, his mouth finding your nipple again. "Shit!" you squeak out, feeling it build fast inside you. You hold his hair, pulling his head and pushing your lips to his forehead. You let the words come as you knew he deserves to hear them, and there's no shame to be found between the two of you now. "You're makin' your wife feel so fuckin' good, Mr. Bondurant." you growl out and he returns the sound. "You know how to give your baby what she needs don't you? Fuck me, Forrest, please, baby don't stop." you moan as you feel the trembling start. You hear a growl from him, forehead pushed into your chest as he hits into you with force and your head is thrown back against the door again as you both feel yourself let go around him. The filthy words he'd only partially heard from you before drive him over the edge. He might know how to give you want you need, but you did the same to him. He wanted to prove himself capable and you let him know he was. You covered his pride for his manhood and his role as a husband and he lets himself go inside you with a long guttural groan the tensing every muscle in his body. It'd been a long time coming and you'd both neede it more than either could express, but you both had certainly tried.

With only a hint of the flush in both of your faces being from the realization of what you'd just said to each other in your moments on uncontrollable lust, you stand, panting for only a few moments before you join back together in a kiss that moves you both back towards the bed. You whisper thank you's and I love you's as you lay naked together in bed, wrapped up in one another. You both fall asleep quickly and sleep hard. Neither of you notices the other dream anything through the night. As the light begins to start fading away the night, Forrest wakes. He watches you, soft and content, little helpless sounding mewls escaping your sleeping form, he thinks you look like a soft little kitten in his arms, purring away. He decides to give you what you both needed now, as he softly kisses you awake. As the sun starts to rise, so do you, and by the time the roosters start crowing, he's made love to you the way he'd originally intended. It was lazy and loving and connected the two of you in a way you'd desperately needed. Confessions of love and adoration and praise as he moved slowly inside you. You felt as one and that's how you both knew it should've been. You were Tawny and Forrest, but you're also husband and wife, and more importantly, the one thing that unified you both now and for all the lazy lovemaking sessions and beyond afterward, was that you were both Bondurants.   
\-------  
A few months later in December, you get the word that Prohibition was over. As Howard came into the station that morning with the paper in his hands, announcing it to the room in heavy breaths from running to tell you. A funny feeling washes over you, something like relief. After you both stand in your usual places and stare at Howard for long enough to process, you behind the counter and Forrest in the doorway of his office you turn and look directly at each other. Something in the air shifted that day and at the time you weren’t sure exactly what. 

He shifts his eyes away from yours, traveling across the room in a hazy way that told you he was thinking. He nods at Howard and grunts, so Howard turns to face you now as he walks towards the bar. 

“Can I get you a drink Howard?” You say with a chuckle and he smiles and nods, slapping the top of the counter. 

“By God, you sure as hell can Miss Tawny!” The older men in the back raise their hands to indicate they too want in on the festivities.

You hadn’t sold liquor there since the showdown with Rakes, Forrest slowing down to ensure you were kept safe and that there were no further legal issues coming their way. He had a family and a wife to think about, he wasn’t going to jeopardize that for a little extra pocket money. You’d seen a few men come in, acting like locals but asking for shine and you had assumed they were narcs. Forrest has taught you fast how to spot a rat before they even sat down and asked you anything. 

You pour glasses for the men and give Howard a jar who goes to join them. You start preemptively making a batch of Hocakes as you know they’re gonna want them after drinking. The smell and the familiarity bring back plenty of memories from when you first got to the station. It felt good to get back to how things should’ve been the entire time. What a waste of time, of money, of life that whole ordeal was. All over the contents of something from those glass jars that sprang from your mountains as natural and nearly as long as springs after a downpour. 

That night you asked Forrest what it all meant. He said he reckoned it meant things would be back to how they used to be. Howard would probably get a still going again nearby, something to keep up with the demand in the station, nothing more. He’d had enough money squirreled away to not have to worry about pushing shine again. He recognized he had too much to lose now and knew his injuries would catch up with as he got older. He might’ve felt invincible with you with him, but he was smart enough, or perhaps sentimental enough not to risk leaving you a widow. 

Christmas came a few days later, everyone gathered at the station under the tree you’d decorated, adding more baubles to celebrate the good news. Suitable gifts are exchanged in the public eye, books, tools, and a new leather-bound ledger. But I’m private, Forrest have you the best gift he had to date. 

He pulled you close in the low light is the tree before you headed up to bed, giving you a sweet kiss with a hum of happiness behind it. 

“One more thing before we go to bed.” He says quietly. You wait patiently with big eyes glowing in the light of the tree. He reaches into the collar of your dress, big fingers managing to unclasp the delicate chain your wedding ring hung on. You watch him slide the ring into his palm and retrieve his thick gold band from his cardigan pocket.

“I wanted to wait until I thought you’d be safe. And as I always am I’m sorry you had to wait so long, Tawny.” he says as he slips his ring on, then puts yours on your finger himself. “If it’s alright with you... Mrs. Bondurant.” He gives you a sweet subtle smile. “I’d like for you to wear this now.” He nods and holds your ring hand between both of his, his resting on top of yours and glowing in the dim light. “We ain’t gotta go peacockin’ about or nothin’.” He smirks, looking up from the rings to your face. “But I'd like for you to wear this ring like this now. If that'd be alright with you.”

You bring your other hand to your chest first, taking a quiet inhale to brace yourself for the tears you knew you come. “You... really Forrest?” You whisper out. 

A soft smile that reaches all the way up to his crinkling eyes makes you melt entirely, rearing your chest against his, lacing your fingers into his hand so your rings touch. 

“Yeah. What with the law endin’ and all... I don’t believe us to be in any real danger no more. Nothin that would take us away from each other anyway.” He adds with his brow sinking low again as the thought passes his mind. 

“Oh, my big sweet man.” you coo. Raising your hand to his face and leaning up to kiss him. “Thank you.” You whisper against his lips. “It isn’t my intention to upset you Forrest, but Everytime someone’s called me Barett I didn’t feel right agreeing to it.” You smile, a mischievous look on his face for you copying his words from him. “But now I don’t have to lie about being a Bondurant anymore. Didn’t have to lie to myself after you married me and now I ain’t gotta lie to no one else.” 

“Merry Christmas Tawny Bondurant.” He grins and leans in to kiss you properly. 

“Merry Christmas Mr. Bondurant.” You giggle against his soft lips. “Now take me to bed and give me another present.” You snicker, wrinkling your nose and moving one hand down to squeeze his butt. 

He lets out an audible laugh and smooches your cheek noisily. “Whatever you want, baby doll.” He grins with that masculine confidence he’s had ever since you’d consummated your marriage in that one, long feverish night. He picks you up threshold style as you laugh in his arms all the way to bed. 

———————

As the month's pass, you’re settling into a normal, peaceful existence. Howard got his still, keeping to himself again. He seemed happier for it for a bit. With the noticing of your ring, it seemed it made the younger boys girls get a little antsy, as Jack married Bertha and your Junior followed suit early that spring. With a backup supply of shine and a still up and running, Howard got lonely out there you’re guessing. So many of his friends and family had died in the months of fighting Rakes, the boys he used to shine with were all gone. With Forrest and Jack married he felt the odd man out and surprised everyone by moving to Martinsville to work in the factories. He soon after found himself a wife and started a family, although not in that order. 

With the still unmanned, the supply dwindles and with Jack taking over the farm, deciding to work in cattle and tobacco he didn’t have time to run it with a wife and trying to start a family. So the day came when you were down to just a few cases of shine in the storage shed. Forrest finds you standing in the doorway with your hands on your hips. 

“Somethin’ wrong?” He asks, padding up begind you.

“We only got a few cases left, seems a shame to sell it all. Ain’t no more after this is gone.”

“You goin’ and gettin’ sentimental about the shine sweetheart?” He says with a smile you can’t see. 

 

“I can’t help it.” You pout. “I don’t wanna think there’d be an anniversary where we couldn’t drink it together, ya know? It’s such a big part of what brought us together in the first place.” You explain with a voice that’s whinier than you intend it to be. 

 

“Look at you, gettin' all sentimental on me.” He teases in an affectionate tone. “Let’s keep 'em if it means so much to ya.” He rests his hand on your shoulder. “We'll get some shine for the station from some of them young bucks that’s been makin' it. Won’t have to worry 'bout it being on us after that.”

 

“You really gonna sell something besides Bondurant shine in the station for me?” You turn to him with a thankful pout on your face, eyes welling up despite yourself. 

“I think it was you that told me change ain’t gotta be a bad thing. It’s still Franklin shine." he says with a dismissive shake of his head. I reckon we’ve got more important things to worry about now don’t we?" He nods his chin down at you, hand reaching down to your stomach.

“Yeah. Reckon we do.” You coo up at him.   
——————-

With the boys in for Thanksgiving, you’re amongst the new wives in the kitchen. Bertha is newly pregnant and you’re well into your second trimester, hiding under a loose dress and a cardigan of Forrests. You're feeling the tiredness as you work away in the heat of the kitchen. You decide to take a break from the kitchen as you’re feeling light-headed, taking your apron off and laying it over a chair on the back porch, lifting your hair up to let the cool air hit your neck, fluffing your dress to air it out as you lean back against the side of the station. 

Howard comes out to smoke, a jar of the new shine in his hand and it’s almost like old times. He lights a cigarette and offers you one and you swat it away. 

“No thank you Howard. Just came out to get some air.” You say with a tired sigh. 

He studies you and tries to be sneaky about it, but he never is. “I know you ain’t supposed to say this to a woman, and I hope you take no offense but are you... pregnant Tawny?” He asks his eyes narrowed, noticing the signs from his own wife’s experience.

 

“None taken. And I look that way because I am.” You let out a chuckle and reach down to pull the flowy bottom of you dress tighter and rubbing your stomach to show the growing bump.

A slow but huge grin spread across his face, standing straight up and heading over to you quickly to squeeze you in a big hug. “I had no clue!” He says loudly. “You and Forrest never tell no nobody nothin’!” He laughs loudly, resting your feet back on the ground. “Christ... you havin' a baby!" he says in disbelief.

"Yeah, a baby, Howard." you chuckle and straighten your dress back down. 

Having watched you come outside and hearing Howard's raised voice Forrest come out in protector mode, which he stayed in ever since you'd found out you were pregnant. He looks over at Howard from under a low brow. 

Howard removes his hat and smacks it onto his leg. "You bastard, you didn't tell me!" he hisses, smacking his brothers arm with his hat. 

Forrest turns his head to you, standing and looking sweet with your hand on your stomach with an annoyed but amused look on his face.

"He asked anyway... I didn't tell him." you say defensively, walking up to Forrest's side as he looks down at your stomach. "We knew they'd find out eventually." you say obviously with a shake of your head. 

"I 'spose you're right about that too." he says a smile that's so subtle only you can read it.

Howard watches, his heart swelling with pride for his baby brother and his childhood friend as you kiss Forrest sweetly on the cheek and his eyes soften. It seemed that now everyone had settled down, shacked up and was ready to ride out another long winter. By springtime, there'd be a few more Bondurants in the world, waiting to raise whatever hell the next generation found it suited for them to get into. Same as it ever was, same as it'll always be.


	20. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue covers main characters deaths.

Forrest Junior had heard all sorts of stories about his daddy growing up from his mother and his uncles. It was hard to believe the quiet and calm man he knew was once an outlaw. He recalled him and his baby brother getting slipped thimbles of liquor by Uncle Howard, telling them about the time they all took down an entire county of cops after them. All he knew was that his mother was sweet and his father was quiet and that they loved each other and them. Both the boys looked like their daddy, stocky and strong, dark hair with their mama's green eyes. Forrest Jr. recalls the day his brother was born, the only time he'd seen his father tear up, but his mama told him he'd only ever cried one other time, and that's when he was born. 

Tawny and Forrest stayed in Franklin County together. Even with Howard and his family away, and even after their children moved away. They sold the station and had a little house on the edge of the woods, a little pond Forrest liked to pass his retirement by with fishing and a garden Tawny liked to pass her time in. It was a simple and quiet life and they were happy all the way to the end. 

Forrest and Tawny had over thirty years together being married. Raising two boys and running the station all the while. The hard-living Forrest did in his younger years eventually caught up to him, as he knew it would. He caught pneumonia and passed away in their bed, Tawny never leaving his side. 

The boys knew their mama was heartbroken. They made it a point to try to get her to move in with them, let them take care of her now that she was all alone out there on the homestead. But of course, she refused. She passed her days alone and it just as quiet as it was with Forrest there. She had lovely portraits of them together she liked to talk to, sometimes she'd hear his heavy footsteps around the house, swearing she could still smell those cigars as she'd walk past his favorite chair. 

Tawny held on for five months after Forrest passed. She waited until the birth of the next grandchild, a boy that they'd named Forrest after him. Her sons and even her daughters in law knew she didn't want to live without her Forrest. The sons weren't so accepting of it, but the daughters understood the sentiment and even after she was gone they thought the whole thing was tragically romantic. She passed away in the chair they'd left her in that night, rocking with her hand on the bassinet with the newest Forrest Bondurant in it after whispering to him and kissing his head, telling him how much she loved him, how much Forrest would've loved him. She told him stories about him until he fell asleep in her arms. She thought he looked just like her sons, and just like Forrest did. 

It was really to no one's surprise when they found she'd passed away in their father's favorite chair, wrapped in one of his sweaters that next morning. She was only sticking around to see the baby and she'd told him what she needed to to be able to leave. 

She and Forrest are buried side by side as she'd written, in a small graveyard in the woods of Franklin. It was a fenced off site in the far corner away from everyone else. She'd fought with getting to choose where they were buried, the owners insisting they go by the book, going in a numbered order like the rest of the folks. But she reminded them they weren't like normal folks and threatened to haunt them if they didn't follow through on her wishes. Bold and fearless until the end, she was. 

She'd said she wanted Forrest to have privacy in death, just as he'd preferred in life. And deep down she'd known she wouldn't last long without him. He'd told her she was his reason for living all those years ago, and he'd quickly become hers thereafter. She wasn't unhealthy, she wasn't sick with something doctors didn't catch, she'd just lived her life, raised her babies and their babies and without Forrest, she didn't feel any need to be there any longer.

So it came to pass that she and Forrest were buried side by side, a single large tombstone for them both with the name of Bondurant across it. Nothing else on it. Just two bodies, two lovers and parents and grandparents with the simple carved last name that stood for so much more than a means of identification. She wrote in the letter's to her sons that it was fitting that unless you knew Forrest in life, that you didn't know him in death either. She thought he'd appreciate being remembered simply as a Bondurant. A matriarch and a patriarch of Bondurant and nothing more, nothing less, and the same as Tawny. In the end they were both known by the name that meant the most to them. All they wanted anyone to know about them that hadn't been in their life, was what was on that tombstone, BONDURANT. First, foremost and forever.


End file.
